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After much debate and soul searching we come to peace in our decision to be done having children. We never planned to have more than two, but after W’s birth we reconsidered, I was more wanting it than A. It’s been a torturous process for me wrapped up in how long we’d store our leftover vials.

In my heart, I want a third child. But I know that two is all we can handle. The bottom line is that we can not afford a third – financially nor emotionally.  Two takes just about all we’ve got and some days more. A and I have so little time as a couple. We’re excited to move forward and gain more of ourselves and our couplehood back.

This blog is coming to an end too. I have spent years here. It was the most valuable outlet during the dark days of trying to create our family. I’ve made friendships here, and have so many wonderful people in my life because of this blog. But I don’t maintain it, and it has no focus.

I am embarking on new adventures, which I will no doubt write about. I am excited to focus more on my crafty side. To create things. And I am also working on a long term project having to do with food allergies. My path is moving and this is not the place where I want to write. If I do create new spaces, I may link them here.

If you’re so inclined to remain in touch over FaceBook, and we’re not already friends, leave a comment and I will search you by your email.

So long. It’s been really fucking amazing to share this journey. Not a day goes by where I am not completely aware of how blessed I am to have two beautiful healthy children. I am not sure I would have made it here with out all the internet support.

xoxoxo

Our daughter enter the world on May 29th at 10:29pm. She weighed in at 6lbs, 14 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. She has a full head of blond (!) hair and is absolutely amazing.

I am too tired and without the time to write her birth story now, but will when I can. In the mean time I will say that it was such a different experience than Mr. E’s- far faster and hugely intense. But amazing all the same. Until there’s more time, here she is:

Help with designing a new blog.

If you have experience or know how, let me know. I am looking for something fairly basic but don’t have the time to actually do it. Please leave a comment and I will email you with more details and you can let me know how much I might expect to spend.

Thanks.

I remember back with Mr. E was a newborn and I decided to do whatever worked to make life easier, smoother, et cetera. Perhaps I’ve lost some of that as he grew and we developed a routine.

Well his sleep issues and his desire to nurse a lot at night has been rough. Really rough. If A goes to him he just looks to the door for me. When she brings him to me he shows his excitement that maybe there will be milk involved. All of this has led to some pretty funky sleep arraignments and with no end in sight for his night waking/nursing, I was not okay with indefinitely playing musical beds.

We have two cribs one in his room and one in ours. This has more to do with the fact that we moved into my parent’s house and they already had a crib for my nephews and we came with our own. It made sense to keep one in our room for when there were guests/cousins needing E’s room. I recently had the idea to remove one side of the crib in our room and tether it to our bed, thus making space for him to sleep right next to me, but not be in our bed (if we had a king sized bed, he’d just be in the bed, but it’s tight in our queen). We’ve slept two nights like this and I am very pleased with the lack of up and down, and also to be sleeping next to A instead of in the next room with E.

So “whatever works” has returned:

dscn06113

So we’re back to crap for sleep – I’m blaming his cold or maybe it’s teething. All I know is I get up just about every hour with him. It’s *so* much fun! Yay for A being on vacation after today so she can log some night duty! I have to share this picture from this morning. I put him in his crib and he sat up and began talking for a while. When all was quiet I went to peek in on him and this is what I saw:

dscn0561He’s sitting up and sleeping – and this is how he took his entire morning nap. Time to get more Zzzzzs at night!

Four years ago as A and I watched the DNC and were introduced to Barack Obama, we, like many others, said, next president of the United States. We were moved by him, but honestly, the lack of a Black man (or shall I say person) ever coming close to a successful bid for presidency overshadowed those feelings.

Today we vote. We have a chance to (positively) impact the future of our country and how we treat our global citizens. Our son may will grow up knowing the year he was born, was the year that a great many American folk rose above the racism so deeply ingrained in our society, and voted for the most qualified candidate.

It’s going to happen. Change is coming to us folks. GO VOTE!

It happened ever so innocently. Mr. E’s big cousin was over and wanted to watch Elm.o. Mr. E happened to be in the room and we watched with shock how he tuned right in and began laughing at that silly red character. A few days later I needed to take a shower, he was awake, and well, I put him down and turned El.mo on. He sat there, completely entertained loving every minute. Now it happens about once a week. Sometime I just can’t time my shower with his naps – especially on the days when we are trying to go somewhere in the morning. Today, I let him watch while I unloaded the groceries.

Pre-baby I was anti t.v., anti kids watching t.v. Now, I am sorry, I can’t help it, sometimes I just need a few minutes.

The very nice lady at my A.pple Store called and it all started out nice and chipper. ‘We’ve had a chance to look at your computer and there is some corrosion. We can fix it.’ Just what I wanted to hear. And then she said, ‘unfortunately it will cost more than a new computer.’

The good news? They can retrieve everything on the machine. That is good news and I need to be thankful for this.

I’ll miss you Zac, you were my first Mac, and I loved you more than one person should love a computer.

I don’t usually watch O.prah but today’s topic is likely of interest to many of us. Just wanted to share. The title of the show is already rubbing me the wrong way, but I am very curious to see what these folk’s experience has been.

I don’t feel like I have a whole lot to say these days. Maybe it’s because my days are pretty much the same now and revolve around a small guy with big needs. That said, here’s what we’ve been up to:

Four Weeks!:
Mr. E’s been with us for four weeks and one day. Hard to believe. The time has flow and he’s already growing out of some clothes. Eek! He’s done a damn good job of communicating his needs and desires. It makes me excited each time I figure out one of his cues. In the last week I learned that within a few minutes of getting on the boob, he will need to come off to belch burp, and then need immediately resume nursing.

Mom groups :
Mr. E and I started going to some ‘mommy’ groups. The one we went to last week was a trip. It pretty my epitomized all the reasons why I want to leave this area. I think if I tried to raise my kid here I would go NUTS with all the over the top ‘progressive’ parents. Granted, A and I will be the whack jobs where we’re moving, but at least I won’t feel so damn judged every second. Even so, I think we’ll go back today, give it another try and get some grown up interaction.

We went to a different group yesterday. The description did read ‘support’ group but I’ve never been to a support group so I didn’t know what to expect. I am in a place where I want to meet other new moms, so I went. It was not for me. I am not having a hard time with the transition at all, in fact being Mr. E’s mom feels like the most natural thing I’ve ever done. And I couldn’t be happier about being home, and I enjoy doing things around the house. And I want to be with him more than I want my career. You see where this is going right? I am glad such a group exists for women who need it, but I felt out of place. And I am not sure it’s helpful to the women who are struggling for me to be all rosy.

Nursing in public:
After yesterday’s group Mr. E and I went grocery shopping. He usually sleeps through shopping, but I guess I pushed him a little too far because when I was about four items from being done, he let me know he was done! I tried holding him to calm him, but when a milk mama holds their baby and he’s hungry, you can’t deny what he wants. So, I decided, if my child is hungry and I am in the grocery store, he still gets to eat. I unsnapped my bra, and put him on, pulling my shirt down as much as I could to at least try to be discrete, and continued pushing the cart to finish up the shopping. No one said anything to me and my baby was happy.

Sleep:
Three nights ago we had one of our worst sleep nights. Almost as bad as the second night home when Mr. E wiggled his way into our bed. It was awful, A and I were so tired. Then two nights ago he slept in TWO three hour increments! I had no idea how much I missed REM sleep! And last night he had a three and a half hour stretch. Progress. I can only hope it continues.

Depression:
Two nights ago a little liquid accidentally landed in the key board area of my beloved MacBook, Zac. Zac hasn’t worked since – when I hit the power button the machine turns on but the screen is black. I used A’s computer to see what others had to say when their MacBook had a drink and then blacked out. Seemed like the first step was to turn it off, remove the battery and let it sit open to dry for a few days. I turned it on this morning. Nothing. I’m holding out hope that my local Apple Store can fix it.

Cloth Diapering:
So far, so good. The switch has cleared up Mr. E’s diaper rash, and he’s so cute in CDs. We had planned to mostly use prefolds and just get a handful of diapers, but man, the prefolds are a pain in the ass. We’ll still use them, but I also ordered a whole bunch of Fuzz.iBuns. They should arrive today. I’ve also been busy sewing fleece inserts for the prefolds. I’m so glad we made the switch.

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
May 2017
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