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There are two very new, very big things going on and with a toddler in the house, there is nary a moment to blog about them.

First, A was offered and accepted a job teaching 5th grade.  Hallelujah.  While we feel like we’ve won the lottery, I think we’re both more excited over the health insurance, more specifically severing our relationship with our state health joke plan.

And equally exciting…I am popping C.lomid!  We are on target for a Labor Day insem with our old midwife, in our old town, where Mr. E’s Popsicle siblings live.  I’ve loved having the chance to reconnect with our MW and and over the moon excited to be seeing her again.  Logistics are, well chaotic, but I am zen.  In my mind I’m already pregnant.

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Now that my period is back and my cycle is on its way to regulating there’s been talk of ttc our second child (please let it only be one, after all I am a clomid gal). I want to enjoy this time with Mr. E and not rush into the next baby. As we walk the path back to ttc, that is my marker for readiness. We have (moving) target dates for when we’ll start, and ideas about minimally how far apart we’re comfortable with them being. But one thing that never changes, we’re impulsive, we change our minds every other day, and we’re probably so sleep deprived that we shouldn’t even be permitted to make the decision to have another one. And after my half day with Mr. E and our two nephews (10 months and 3 years), I began to reconsider another one altogether. Taking care of all three is exhausting. Picture this: Mr. E on me in the Ergo, 10 month old J in the stroller, 3 year old J riding his bike. Now, me running after J on his bike, while wearing Mr. E and pushing the stroller. And that’s the scene when the babies are confined. When we’re in the house it’s nuts!

But I digress. We will try for another. And we’ll probably do it sooner rather than later, and most likely sooner than we originally planned. As A said to me last night “why drag out having you home forever. Let’s just have the kids and be done with it.” (Of course she said it lovingly.)

All this talk has propelled me back to my time being pregnant. Somehow it doesn’t seem so bad. But I know it was. I know I was uncomfortable, and everything hurt, and I was emotional, and so on. But now, now, I yearn for the closeness with Mr. E that we shared for 10 months. I remember walking around while pregnant, thinking how amazing it was that he went everywhere with me, and dreading the day that would cease to be true. The other night something moved in my stomach (probably gas) and it felt as it did when Mr. E was in me moving. And I longed to feel that intimacy with him.

I hated being pregnant so I can’t believe I miss anything about it or that I am nostalgic and wanting to do it again. I already know breastfeeding will be the same. I didn’t know if I’d like bfing, and it turns out I am pretty damn good at it and so is he. I can’t say as though I love it, but I don’t hate it, I enjoy the time together, and most of all I am humbled to be so fortunate as to produce food for my child. I have every intention of bfing till he’s one, and then will see what happens. TTC plans may necessitate weaning. No mater what I know I will miss it when we’re done. Just as I somehow now miss being pregnant.

CD 16, 5am – I wake up, an hour early, and know that I should take my temp now even though it’s early because moving around will give a false reading. After several attempts to see if I really turned it on, I get my reading, 97.1 (f). A wave of relief washes over me, I have not spiked yet. As I make my way to the bathroom to poas for the monitor, I feel giddy, I always get that “christmas morning” feeling when I think my monitor will peak. I even wait with it for the full five minutes instead of bringing it back to bed with me. All for what? A “high” reading, so I open an opk (I’ve learned to always pee in a cup and never toss it till you are done dipping sticks). I waited for the opk results. Almost, positive, like the two yesterday.

I crawled back into bed. A. asks, “did you peak.” And I give her the bad news. Five minutes later she asks, “do you still want me to go get the sperm?” I reply, “I don’t know.” I think we have the same middle of the night conversation every cycle. She decides she’ll go with her plan and get up at 7 to call the lab then go get it. (A has taken sperm fetching on as her job through this process.)

I overslept and rushed out of bed to jump in the shower. My life revolves around four hour increments this time of my cycle and I realized I could take and other opk at 9am…if I can wait that long! I made it through my shower and then figured it would be fine to test at 8:15 instead of 9. Holy effing +opk! Relieved to have tested again so I had some real news to give my MW when I phone in at 8:30. We made a plan that I will have her paged at 4:30 and we’ll make a plan for time and place for the iui. Of course, this is the one night I was supposed to work this week…but what can ya do?

So, the monitor did not peak, my temp went down… last clomid cycle looked the same, so I except a +opk tonight and a peak in the morning with ovulation sometime tomorrow (I am convinced my LH surge comes within 12 hours of ovulation, I am a freak of nature). My MW is on call tomorrow, so she’ll do the IUI if it’s tomorrow, which is so great. But I am not getting too excited yet.

Also…our lady from DSS called to set up our initial safety inspection! She’s coming next Monday!!!! Oh my Goddess! Good thing we just got our carbon monoxide detectors installed last week! Those that have been through this, please tell us what to expect. It’s just the first home inspection, but i have no idea what she’s looking for.

All of a sudden I feel crazy for ttc and pursuing adoption, but I know it’s the best thing for us right now.

Edited to Add:
I POAS just now and a second line is showing up…the surge is on the way!!!! 🙂

I went back to for a cd14 ultrasound today. I only have one good follie and it measured in at 2.6cm (what happened to the other two?). It could pop any time, or it could grow another cm, like last time! And since my opks and fertility monitor have yet to detect my LH surge, I’d say that little eggie is hanging in for little while longer. I guess my body just refuses to ovulate before cd16. So we wait. I just spoke with my MW and she’s betting I’ll get a peak on the monitor tomorrow morning. I want the tww, I hate the stress leading up to a perfectly timed IUI!

A. and I spent this morning with Wander Woman. Today her magic wand found more than a handful of follicles and three that are on there way to maturing- all of which are on the right side. On CD11 they are: 1.94, 1.89, & 2.04 cms. Wander Woman checked the right side first and then as she moved over to the left she said: “let’s see what’s on the left, hopefully for you, nothing.” We all laughed. There were a few wanna be follies, but they probably won’t make it. This is early for me to have follies so close to maturing and I may get three!? Given their size, I’d bet the IUI will be Monday. It seems as if the Clomid is doing its job. And doing it better than last time. Holy Fucking Shit!

I am leaving in a few hours to spend the weekend here celebrating my Dad’s birthday with my family. So you can imagine my heartache when she spotted the 2.04 cm follie! But she assured me, I should be fine to go away for the weekend with an average growth rate of .2cms per day, I’ve got a couple days before they burst.

Today is day four of Clomid, and I’ve had NO side effects. None.

Last cycle on Clomid I was a mess and felt so sick. The difference is so drastic that I am beginning to wonder if they gave me the correct pills. My sceptical side won’t feel reassured until my first ultra sound this Friday.

A. placed our babyjuice order yesterday so our new swimmers will arrived here Thursday in time for insem(s) next Tuesday/Wednesday.

As we gear up for try number 8 (charting cycle number 21) we find ourselves in the hopeful moments. Last night A. said to me, It’s going to work this time. And so started the conversation, yes it could work, but… This led us to talk about the  cycle days that we like (we know how to have fun on a Friday night!). We agreed insemination day(s) are our favorite days when excitement and hope surrounds us. Two dpo is also a fun day, but by 4 dpo we are usually losing hope and find our selves strung out trying to make the tww pass. A. also likes cd 4-6, where there’s no work (I think she forgot about Clomid). She said it’s nice at the start when I don’t temp and don’t poas ten times a day (okay, more like one to four times in a day, depending on how close I am to ovulation). I get what she meant, so I’d say I like all of cd 4 and most of cd 5, but as soon as the drugs go into me on cd 5 night, I long for cd 11 when they are flushed from my system and I return to a normal sane human being. It’s a miracle that we are as happy as we are given we generally enjoy about five days of my cycle every month…

CD 1 arrived sooner than I thought so I am back in the stirrup queen game. I am excited to get started again and my early CD1 will push ovulation up just enough so I won’t be on-call for my IUI (it’s always a pain to get a co-worker to cover me when I go in, almost always on weekends).

This cycle’s medical protocol has yet to be determined but I am not starting injectables as I had thought about. After speaking with my MW today I realized my choice to start injectables means leaving her and moving to an RE. No way am I ready for that. She said they just don’t have the facility to do the intense monitoring, but in some cases women working with REs will still go to the MWs for IUIs (if I get there that will be me!).

I asked her about Femara and she said she wanted to consult with the gyno that did my HSG. (p.s. She said the gyno told her I had a small uterus after the HSG, what’s this mean? I am going to ask her when she calls back.) She sounded optimistic about Femara and I think she’s willing to prescribe. After doing more of my own research, I am even more interested in Femara over Clomid. Aside from the reduced short term side effects, there are no known risks of cancer which is a huge concern with Clomid. It seems like a win win situation.

Let the fun begin- pill popping, visits with Wander Woman (CDs 11,13,15 ultrasounds), and your guess is as good as mine which MW will be on-call for the IUI. Please join me in hoping this is the cycle!

Tell me what you know…

I am calling my MW this week to find out what my diagnosis is. It seems as if I am unexplained since all the effing IF testing came back fine. We need to start thinking about meds for the next cycle. I do not want to do Clomid again, but will if she won’t prescribe anything else. I’ve heard Femara is good and the side effects are not as bad as Clomid. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I am really considering injectables. Lo and Co’s story is enough to make anyone want to move on to them! But before I go there, I want to know what to expect. So please do spill. Cost? Side Effects? How often do you inject? Where do you inject? Anything else?

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