I am reduced to bullets:

  • Hormones are worse this pregnancy.
  • Already having a child makes bringing another child home so much harder.
  • I am worried about leaving Mr. E while we are at the hospital.
  • I wish we could afford a home birth.
  • A might not spend the nights at the hospital with me.
  • He may need her at home more than I’ll need her there.
  • His needs precede mine.
  • We want what’s best for him, but it’s hard to think about being  there alone.
  • The “H1N1 no children visitors ban” has been lifted, so Mr. E will be able to visit.
  • I am terrified that when he comes to visit he’ll freak out seeing me in the medical setting (currently he becomes hysterical when my midwife takes my blood pressure).
  • I am scared he will have a hard time when it’s time to leave and I won’t be going with him.
  • I feel like I am screwing up his world.
  • I am tired and weepy all the time.
  • Oh, and emotional.
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