I know, I know.  I’ve had a good amount of back and fourth regarding the start of our next TTC journey.  We had decided to use a new practice in our new home.  It was a decision based on logic and not feeling, which never really sits well with me.  As chance would have it, my cycles became wacky — pretty typical of when I get stressed.  I finally faced my fear and decided there is no way in hell I’m starting over with a new practice.  I will deal with the inconvenience of travel & of not knowing what I’ll do with Mr. E while getting knocked up in order to return to my old midwife, the one who helped us get Mr. E.

And like that, the old body started ovulating on schedule. And I felt at peace with TTC. One phone call to my old MW to see if she’d work with us – long distance, one Clomid prescription later, and the game is on for early September!

The timing feels right to me in so many ways.  First, Mr. E, while still nursing, mostly comfort nurses and seemingly gets very little milk.  I was concerned about how the Clomid would affect my supply (it will dry me up for the five days I am on it).  I am not ready to wean him, so the thought of doing something to make it stop brought terrible guilt, but he’s cut way back, thus the milk has declined, and he is content just to suck.  So taking Clomid is no longer a huge concern of mine.

Second, since hitting 18 months, he’s turned a kid, not a baby (although he is still very very very clingy). I can carry on conversations with him, we laugh and play, and everyday with him is better than the one before.  His shift into toddler/kid seems like a natural progression into us moving forward with growing our family.

I am doing my best to stay in the head space needed to start this process again.  The first time we did it,  I believed, somewhat foolishly that I would get pregnant on the first try.  I was full of hope and optimism.  And two and a half years later, when I DID get pregnant, I began the cycle high on faith.  I believe in the power of positive thinking and I believe in Clomid.  We have five shots at making a full biological sibling for Mr. E, and I don’t have any negativity to waste.