I had my interview today. It came after one of our worst nights ever. Mr. E came down with a fever of 104 yesterday afternoon and then started vomiting. He was miserable and would not go to sleep on his own. Eventually we all snuggled in bed and fell asleep around 10pm. We got an unprecedented four hours of consecutive sleep. Followed by three hours of no sleep. While up giving him Motrin at 4am, I said to A, “how am I going to have it together enough to go on an interview?” In truth, I knew how – I’d do it just they way I’ve gotten out of bed for the last year, but what I meant was how would I go to work after nights like this? How will I work out of the home during the day and then work all night for E? Or maybe the question was why would I do it The fact is we have a high needs night baby. And while it’s not easy living on one income, we can do it. We are dong it. And it’s hard. I look for signs in everything, so A was not surprised when I said “this is E’s way of telling me not to go back to work.”

This morning was rough – cling monster would not let me get ready. I finally had to ask my SIL to come over so I could shower and prepare for the interview – which I did in 45 minutes! She watched E while I was on the interview. I nailed the interview. I felt so confident. For the first time in a year I felt connected to my career life. I really knew what I was talking about and they really liked what I said. I also learned the job encompasses some components that I was not too excited about. I left feeling great – great that I could still talk the higher ed jargon, and at the prospect of a job when I am ready. I left feeling great for finally reconciling that I am not ready to go back to work.