Things feel different. I am falling in love with my little guy all over again.

Pregnancy was hard for me, and yet when it was over and enough time had passed I began to miss it. This was driven home like a punch to my gut when my best friend recently told me she is pregnant. And I immediately felt wild jealousy (maybe it was the “oops” factor, or perhaps the “I haven’t had a period in six months so I didn’t think I could get pregnant” factor). Don’t get me wrong, I am over the moon excited that we’ll have babies 14 months apart, but us fertility-challenged folks will always carry some baggage, right? But in all seriousness, I’ve been craving pregnancy. I can’t wait to get pregnant again. And I hope to enjoy it next time.

I wished the hard parts of pregnancy over, and I’ve wished the hard parts of infancy away as well. Because, let’s be honest, it sucks to be tired, feeling and looking like crap, covered in spit up, not owning one single shirt or pair of pants that don’t have a spit up stain, I could go on. But the flip side of all of that, is the reward of the most unbelievable love possible.

Every day I try to pause and absorb as much of the amazingness that is Mr. E. I’ve experienced how quickly it all changes, how fast he grows, and I just don’t want to waste a moment of it.

I’ll admit, I am able to say this now, because he seems to have caught on to the fact that sleeping through the night is actually pretty cool. So I am not sleep deprived for the first time in 10 or so months (remember I didn’t sleep much in late pregnancy). With a well rested body and soul, I am able to meet the day. To spend hours playing and connecting with him.

I am back to loving being a mom. I had my rough patches. I had my days where I sat home and cried.  I had my moments of wondering why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have a baby, and give up all our freedom? And I am sure I’ll have these days again. But for now, I am just in love and having heaps of fun.

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