Bear with me here, this is going to be all over the place.

Last mother’s day I was just days away from getting our BFP. And I was convinced it hadn’t worked. I tried as hard as I could not to let it show when I called to wish my mother a happy mother’s day, but in the end that called ended in me sobbing and her telling me, it will work. some day. you’ll be a mother. I had a hard time carrying that faith, so I let her carry it for me.

Today we went to church and it had already been kind of an emotional day. It’s a happy day for us. But it’s also a day when I remember the women who are gone. My grandmothers. And I think of A’s mom and how she’s on the front lines of her cancer battle. And I think of my cousin, who is nearing the end of her 7th TWW (and I’m praying it turns into a 9 month wait). And I am thinking about all of my blog friends yearning to become mothers. Some who started before us, other who started after. And I think of all the women I don’t know who are struggling with infertility. I think of the couple who live at the end of our street, a street that is home to 18 kids. They are both infertile.

I want to overflow with happiness today, but it’s hard when I know how much pain exists around mothering. I was comforted when the minister wished a happy mother’s day in all forms, including to those yearning to become mothers, those missing mothers and so on.

I wasn’t going to post today or about mother’s day, because I really don’t want to rub salt into my blog friends’ wounds who carry pain around TTC. But as the day passed, I realized I wanted to write. I wanted to express my support for those in pain or frustrated with TTC. Even though we were blessed with Mr. E, and we’ve moved into a whole new world of mothering, I still pray for each and everyone one of you to get your BFPs and I get frustrated with “oops we’re pregnant” stories and I get mad when others can do it so easily when I know so many of you who have tried so hard. for so long.