It’s hard to believe A and I have already had “when will we start ttcing for #2 discussion” but we have.

There is a part of me that is still wounded from ttc. I want nothing more than to give Mr. E a sibling, but I am also being very protective of myself. I’ve caught myself living everyday as if it’s the only time I’ll experience whatever stage he’s at. During our quiet moments, when I am talking to him, I tell him how much we love him, how hard we tried to get him, how much we want to give him a sibling, but that if it’s not meant to be, we will be forever blessed by him.

My anxiety about ttc #2 is compounded by our move. I love my midwife, doula, and hospital. I am trying to wrap my brain around how this will work in a new location. As it is, when we move, our sperm will stay behind in storage, because we don’t know a place to store it closer to where we’re moving.

I hope more than anything that I will experience childbirth (at least) once again (and I may even try to enjoy the pregnancy…). So in about a year’s time, if all is well settling into our new home, we’ll be back in the game.

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