I am unusually happy this holiday season. I don’t say this to imply that I am typically a holiday grouch, but I’ve noticed my outlook this holiday season is so much better than recent years. I am embracing things that usually bother me (Christmas music on the radio already, stores all decorated, etc. Ok, I’ll admit I did make a sarcastic comment about the so-called Wa.r on C.hristmas while at T.arget today…). I am throwing myself into the spirit. No one can ruin this for me. I am h a p p y ! ! ! !

Those reading along at home might be thinking, well no duh you feel happy, you’re pregnant. But would you believe it took me a couple of weeks to figure this out? This is the first holiday season in three years that ttc has not been present. And the last two seasons we’re filled with the ups and downs of: if it worked we can tell family over thanksgiving/christmas dinner. Those tww periods passed with yet another holiday season and no foreseeable child. And it was hard. And at times I felt totally hopeless. Each holiday that passed served as an anniversary-like reminder that we hadn’t achieved our ultimate dream, and as more and more passed, it became harder to believe that dream would ever come true.

This year is different. I feel so full. So blessed. I couldn’t ask for any gift better than what we are about to receive, and all of this is making me fully take in the season we’ve entered. A and I put up our tree today and listened to Christmas music. We talked about how excited we are to spend Christmas with my family and to see our nephews again – and how much fun Nephew #1 will be this year at nearly three years old, he is very interested in Santa for the first time. I love the magical feel of the gatherings that occur at my parents house over the holiday, and the chance to visit with the many family and friends that will pass through over several days. This will also be our last outing before birth (please no early arrival!!). Once we return home we’ll be under “lock down,” staying close to home until Moonbeam enters our world. Clearly this Christmas has an added element of specialness – our last couple Christmas and our last family interactions before we become mothers.

As I type this, I can’t help but think of all my blog friends who continue to struggle, and who may experience the holidays as I have in the past. It’s hard to sit here and go on about how great things are with out thinking about others. My holiday wish is for all those who are trying, hoping, and wishing to become parents, that the new year brings new hope, new possibilities, and new babies.

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