I have this friend who I met about three years ago. We remained more acquaintance-like for the first year we knew each other and then all of a sudden became very connected on some weird spiritual level. I can’t really explain our friendship, but we equally nourish each other and have had some freaky connections. He’s truly a very special person and our connection is unexplainable.

Last night I dreamt of him. He came into the dinning hall where I was eating lunch, wearing an outfit that he wore when I last saw him in February. I was not expecting him, and was overjoyed to see him. We hugged for a long time and given our height difference and the tenderness of the hug, he lifted me off the ground. I felt so totally embraced, and so loved, and so happy all at the same time. As we started chatting he told me his sister in law had her baby.

Now, I am not a person to remember my dreams and this one connected me to him in a way that made me feel I needed to call him today. I rang him and told him of my dream. He replied how interesting my dream was because he’d conducted a whole dream ritual last night, drank teas and burnt herbs and fell into a deep deep slumber and was able to wake and write about the experience. He also confirmed that his sil had her baby two weeks ago.

I can’t help but hope that my dream connection to him is all part of the magic that will result in pregnancy this cycle. I’ve really taken a whole new approach this time around and I’ve done a lot of self care and also feel like I may be ready to actually get pregnant, where as before, it scared the hell out of me (and I am sure it will again). I’ve tried to put myself out to the universe, to accept the love, support, and help of all those rooting for us, to let go of trying to control it, and above all else, just be.

I’ve never had more hope than I do right now. I’ve never felt so at peace with a cycle as I do this one. From the time I told this friend that I was ttc, he’s always said, “relax and send the vibe that your body is a safe place and is ready to grown and nurture life.” We’ll I’m finally there and he was with me in my dreams.

T minus 2 hours until the iui, so I am relaxing, sipping a glass of red wine, and above all staying zen.