The background- I left a message for my mother today asking if she thought it would be okay for me to ask one of our family friends (her best friend) to be our second personal reference for adoption. I had no idea if this person even knows we’re trying and I wanted to get an idea of where I needed to start before calling her.

My mom calls me back.

Mom: Hey, sure it’s fine for you to use H. as a reference I’m sure she’d love it. And yes, she knows you’re trying. You can also use M&E….

Me: We only need two and so far I’ve ask M&P, H. will be the second.

Mom: So you’re going ahead with adoption? Are you still trying?

Me: Yes. We’re going to do both and see what works first.

Mom: I think that’s great! You should absolutely do both. We’re all rooting for you here.

I wonder who ‘we all’ are.

Me: Well that’s the plan.

Mom: So how are you doing the adoption? Is it an agency?

Annoyed because I know I’ve already told her,

Me: We’re using the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange, the kids have been in foster care and are legally free for adoption, or close to it.

Mom: Be careful…

Interrupt to inform her,

Me: This is our only adoption option, we simply don’t have tens of thousands of dollars to do private adoption. It’s not an option.

She attempts one more round of knocking this method and I demand this is the only way we can do it. She shuts up and I want to remind her that before I mentioned it was through the State, she was very supportive.

I hate to bitch about my mother because I do love her and she has supported us in so many ways through this journey, but I don’t care to hear her opinions about State adoptions. She is a therapist and knows a lot of shit first hand and I am sure that’s where her concerns are coming from, but I simply can not engage in that conversation with her, not yet.

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