While we’re waiting to meet you I thought I’d tell you a little bit about who we are and everything we’re going through to get you. We are Mom A and Mom E (sure to change when you get here and make up names for us). We so desperately want to be your moms. We met more than six years ago and quickly fell in love. We were so excited to have a family that even before we were ready, we started reading up on and informing ourselves about achieving motherhood. I think we bought our first book in December 2003.

We decided I would try first because I am older and I really wanted to experience pregnancy. We started a journal that Mom A and I would write in. The idea being that we’d give it to you some day, a way of helping to fill in the blanks of where you came from. Our entries were of excitement and anticipation.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but you should know that we started this journey in the Fall of 2004, and since that time we’ve tried seven times. We’ve had three known donors (only tried with one), used two anonymous frozen sperm donors, experienced long breaks as a result of anovulatory cycles, moved from trying at home to trying at our Midwife’s office, started using fertility medication to help my egg quality, and I am currently undergoing infertility testing.

We’ve waffled between frozen and known donors since the start. We think it’s important for you to know where you came from. We’ve pushed our comfort levels while negotiating with kds, while holding your best interest in our hearts (and hopefully our heads too). We’ve decided, for now, anonymous identity release sperm (you get to look up your donor at age 18) is our best option. Although, your Grandmother S. is constantly scouting out sperm donors, her latest one is “a nice, young gay man” who may be joining her counseling practice. You’ll meet her some day and come to know that she is nuts, and possibly the most caring person on this Earth.

Our journey has been long, trying, and painful. Mom A and I are starting to run out of plans. We want you so desperately. I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a mom. I’ve known this from a very young age. I have no idea why it’s become so difficult. Mom A tells me she started praying. I’ve grown even more resentful of prayer, as this journey has dragged on. I feel like no one up there is listening to me.

We will move mountains to get to you. We WILL. But please don’t make us. Please hear our wishes, dreams, and fears and come to us. We want nothing but to provide you with a healthy, safe, fun home. I’ll be up front and tell you our family is crazy, but whose isn’t? I’m taking a month off, and then I’ll be back at it, so why don’t you do me a favor and start your journey towards us, okay?

Loving and wanting you for too long,
Mom E

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