Hope is fading, all signs point to ——->NOT PREGNANTIUIs that are getting us no where.

I’ve previously been the adoption advocate, but I think of it as a last resort. Once my midwife suggests I stop, and A. has tried, then I would think about going the adoption route. Why? For one, I want to experience the whole journey, even if I am not pregnant, and A. is, at least we’ll be going through it together. Secondly, while AI is expensive, we’ve managed to do it on and off for over a year, so we can afford it, adoption seems too expensive and I just don’t know how we’d come up with that kind of money. And finally, we are legally married in MA, I am not well educated in same sex couple adoptions, but from what I know it seems like most often, one partner adopts as a single woman, and hides the relationship. We can not lie about our marital status, and will therefor have to do it legit. If I have any adoption readers, please, please, please share as much as you are comfortable about your journey. We’re also revisiting the KD idea, we have a friend that we have not asked yet, but think we will soon.

We’re home from Maine. Getting a hotel room made a huge difference and gave us the space we needed (and we had the most comfortable hotel bed ever). A. got to see lots of family and exchanged gifts with them. Ironically, at least one waitress at ever restaurant we ate at this weekend was pregnant- the place we had lunch at today had at least two! I don’t usually get upset when I see pregnant women, but it was happening so much that I felt it was some cruel joke… Next weekend we’ll travel for Christmas, Part Deux, with my family. I have not really even started shopping, but I don’t have much to get. I can’t wait to see our nephew, J. He is 21 months now and is soooo adorable. Ever since our last visit, about a month ago he regularly calls me (with help). I know it ‘s a call from him, because I ‘ll either hear him repeating my name over and over or the noise the phone makes when you push the buttons. Today when he called I heard the buttons, so I said “Hi J. what are you doing?” he stopped and his mom reported he looked surprised. Later my mom called and she told me he was mid temper tantrum today, and when he was not getting what he wanted form her or his mother, he started yelling my name! I love him so much, and it just makes me want one of my own all the more.

While I think we are out, we won’t know for four or five more days, and I know anything can happen, but from what my body is telling me, there won’t be a Christmas miracle this year.