I feel like I’ve bee crazy for the last two weeks.

When I started spotting yesterday, and my temperature took a nose dive this morning, I started to feel like myself, and that my brain was possessed for the last two weeks. Seriously. I felt totally irrational, and not at all like myself. As soon as I saw the slightest of blood, I was thrown from that alter reality where pregnancy is possible to my real life.

I am confused because I am much happier in my rational, normal state, (a good thing) yet it means there will be no August baby. I guess I should be glad that I am not devestated and that returning to feeling normal is enough of a comfort that I am somewhat okay with the start of a new cycle.

At the end of each tww (I’ve had four now), I feel refreshed. In a previous post I stated that the tww exhausts me. And I think knowing it’s over helps release all the anxiety I induce on myself. I need to figure out a way to not be such a freak during that time. I seem to have this epiphany at the end of each tww, kind of like how some people make resolutions for New Year’s Day, and never keep them, and make the same resolutions the next year. That’s the best I can describe it. I welcome any techniques you’ve used to maintain a calm, rational mind whilewaiting.

We originally decided we’d try every other month to reduce the stress on my body, but I really want to try in December, and take January off if we need to.

On the bright side, I will be able to drink wine on Thanksgiving, and I know it’s the only thing that will get me through hosting my first holiday!

To those of you traveling, I wish you safe and stress free journeys!