We are about to enter yet another cycle of TTC. All previous advice cautions against moving forward unless one has charted three “good” cycles. I seem to get to three cycles and then I have an anovulatory cycle. And after more than two years of charting I feel pretty good about knowing my body, so we are moving forward with just one ovulation cycle post my latest anovulatory cycle. With any luck we’ll finally be doing our first IUI around the second weekend in November. It’s perfect time because I have an appointment for my annual the Friday of that weekend which will either end up being an insem appointment or at the very least will give insight into ovulation status. Starting with the November cycle we’re planning to get back on the inseminate every other month plan – of course getting pregnant in November is the goal. Getting pregnant is starting to feel like this impossible task. And yet all around me there are pregnant women and women with babies. It can’t be that hard!

I have another project that has begun to distract me. It’s taken several months but I have finally come to realize that I don’t really like my job any more. I am busier than ever and I am only two months into the academic year and I dread the idea of staying in my position until June- which is when my unofficial contract ends. While working in higher education, it’s not ideal to leave mid year. Lately I’ve been starting to feel like I am not doing a very good job and wonder, is it better to bail out mid year thus recognizing that I am not able to give my students and staff what they need, or is it better to stick it out while performing at subpar just to get through the year with out totally disrupting my office and department? Right now I am thinking that if I am not able to bring even half the enthusiasm to the job that I previously did then it is time to work on moving on. Then the little voice in my head says, job searching and TTC at the same time? Are you crazy? Another voice tells that voice to shut up – that I can’t control what’s going on and if I happen to get pregnant while looking for a job, so be it. Massachusetts law requires a two month maternity leave, so I’d just be missing out on the extra month provided by the federal FMLA law (you’re only eligible after one year of employment). Two or three months is a ridiculous maternity leave any way, but that’s a rant for another day!

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