There are so many reasons why my blog has sat limp for months on end. There’s the fact that our home computer fried, and I am super busy at work, which means little to no time to blog when I am at my computer, and we’ve been on a ttc break for what seems like for ever! I don’t seem to have much I want to blog about unless it’s ttc related.

I’m on cd 36 and still no sign of my period. I can only hope that this does not turn out the way it did last time I had a super long cycle. I am hoping that next cycle will be normal and since this cycle has changed my timing, we may be able to insem next cycle because we should be home from Colorado in time. I don’t know if it is the smartest thing to do – after a failed cycle, but I don’t really care. I need to start again. I’ve been around people with children/ pregnant women a lot lately and it feels so unfair. I mean it looks so easy, everybody seems to have kids, and yet i can’t even seem to ovulate!

A. and I started talking about her starting to track her cycles and alternating insemination with each other each month. Mostly I want this. I know that what I really want is to have a little baby. But I am still working through the emotions of not being the one to carry – and at the same time I am getting close to taking myself out of the game. I’ve been charting for over two years and I am sick of the pressure, the stress, and the emotional toil it takes on me. Our journey has been funny and heart wrenching. Part of what’s been so difficult has been all the experiences and decisions about fresh or frozen, known donor or anonymous, or identity release. At this point we pretty much know what we want. I feel like we had to figure this all out with my body and that’s part of why I am so tired. But I think a lot of the really hard work- the ethical dilemmas, the soul searching has happened. So perhaps if A. were to start trying her body would not experience the same stress mine has. And maybe she’d be more likely to conceive, and that may make it easier for me in the future.

We’re going forward with using our frozen identity release vials, and may ask our good friend about donating as well. This of course brought up a concern for A. and that was, is it okay to have one child with a KD and another with frozen sperm? For me, I am not sure how I feel about it, but I think she does not think it’s okay. Okay so maybe we have not done all our soul searching, but we’ve done an awful lot!

What do you all think about using different means for multiple children?


Advertisements