So A. and I are planners. We make lots of plans, and sometimes we’ve even made rash decisions from one night of planning. We’ve picked up on this pattern and now try to hold off on making decisions and certainly try not to tell too many people when we are cooking up something new. For example there was our commitment ceremony. We started planning a year in advance, June 2002 to be exact. We paid a deposit for the location, ordered invitations, selected a caterer, signed a rental contract for tables, chairs, etc. And then in February, just four months before the ceremony, we called it off. Now I’d like to think that a major part of why we called it off was the fact that I was in my final semester of graduate school and was losing my mind! But I know there were other reasons- none of which had anything to do with our commitment to each other. We bagged the whole thing, got most of out money back, thankfully we had not sent our beautiful invitations and we spontaneously flew to Aruba and had a private ceremony with just the two of us. It was perfect- and we got a vacation out of it! Of course we did go through with a wedding in 2004 when it became legal – and we employed many of the lessons we learned from planning the first one. First lesson- keep it small!

This is just one of many examples of us planning and then switching gears suddenly. So how does this relate to us trying to get pregnant? Well you see, a possible known donor has come into our lives. Yup, we thought we were through with that. We’d decided annon was the way for us to go, blah, blah, blah.

It all started back in August. I was at a large function with my nephew (4 months old at the time) and several friends. A man, who I’ve know for a long time and is very good friends with a friend of mine, was mistaken for my husband and my nephew as our child! (A. was not there.) After that he mentioned to our mutual friend that he would love to have children with me (he is gay). The friend kind of laughed it off to him but later told me what he’d said. Nothing came of it, because after all we were dead set against using a known donor.

Fast forward to November. I see him again at my friend’s adoption, this man is the Godfather for the little girl. It was a little weird because I knew how he felt but we’d never talked about it. I wondered if he’d bring it up, but was glad he didn’t. After all, we’ve started using annon donor and that’s the only way for us. A couple weeks go by and I talk to my friend. She knows we just finished round two and she is super supportive. I called her today and she brings it up again. She tells me he wanted to talk to me when he saw me and was looking forward to seeing me at the christening this weekend. She informs him I won’t be there. He asks her if he could just call me. I am not sure if she gave him my number, but I bet she did.

So now I feel crazy. We already went through the known donor thing. And we came out of the opinion that we are more comfortable not having a third party involved. But now I am being forced to re-evaluate why I did not want it and I am coming to realize it was more about the known donor we were considering than a known donor. Sure there are still things that freak me out about a KD—like all the legal crap we’d have to deal with and involving a third party in our family. This KD is appealing to us and it’s quite flattering that he wants to be involved.

A. and I talked about it tonight and we realize we need more information. We need to know what he wants out of it. What kind of relationship he’d expect to have etc. But we are open to talking with him. Of course there’s always a chance that I’ll get prego this cycle and we still have two vials left in storage that we’d want to use. We are thinking that we’ll meet up with him over Christmas to explore this option a little further and begin the dialogue.

For the time being, just having this as something to think about is mind boggling. A. is drawing up a pros and cons list, and I am sure we’ll continue to talk this to death, as we do many major decisions. I’ll keep ya posted.

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