Category Archive

Please, please, PLEASE stop being so effed up! I am sick of logging in and finding bloggers’ old posts highlighted as if there are new. I just logged in and you are telling me I have 1952 new feeds to read. My life is busy so I can only keep up with the 51 blogs that I regularly read by using you, so please, get your act together and stop refreshing old posts. Ok?

Love,

E

Several weeks ago I realized I was struggling to put my socks on. Now, I have to sit down (on a chair - never the floor I wouldn’t be able to get up!), grab my ankle and pull my foot up onto my opposite leg in order to put a sock on my foot.

As I waddled up the stairs last night A. started laughing at me.

So, pretty much I am undeniably preggo at this point.

I’ve been following this story since I first read about it over the summer. I can’t believe the court ruling, and that the Board of Medical Examiners are the organization that originally denied the request! Just another incident of how un-family friendly this country is.

Okay so I was flaming mad when I posted yesterday. And yes, there were probably even some pregnancy hormone induce tears while typing. After several hours and being really worked up I tried to figure out what I was so mad about. It was not that I will have to deplete my vacation. I’ll only have about six weeks of work when I return from maternity and after that I will either go on summer vacation (remember I am a 10.5 month employee) or leave my job all together. What I was mad about was how patronizing our HR office is. They are not helpful and will really work to make you feel dumb. And then I was mad that in the last 14 weeks this is what had me the most upset. I was pissed that I was so stressed after my meeting because of the way I was treated, not necessarily because of the ridiculous policy, though I think it stinks.

Once A. got home from work I was a lot better. We were able to talk a lot and vent even more. During this, I pulled up the maternity leave policy. I am going to quote the portion that address the vacation time usage and you tell me what you think:

…If the employee works up to the date of delivery, then 8 weeks of paid leave begin at that point. Up to 4 weeks of additional leave may be taken after that under FMLA, for a total of 12 weeks. Some or all of the additional 4 weeks may be paid through, for example, vacation time or personal days.

No where in this does it state that women are required to deplete their vacation time. My mother taught me well and I am preparing for a fight. It’s not about the time, it’s about the principle. My game plan is to meet with my supervisor and fill her in on my experience. I want to feel her out to see what she thinks. Then I am planing on meeting with the ombuds person to discuss my options. This employer walks all over the staff and I am sick of it. I know several new moms that are as feed up with the maternity leave “policy” as I am, and I am in a position to bring it up. I don’t fear the politics of this place.

Oh, but this is not the only fight we’re preparing for…oh no it gets better. And the common theme is vacation.

After I had settled down A. and I finally worked out our plans for next January. She has to quit her job to start student teaching around the time the baby is due and we had hoped she’d be done by the time I have to go back to work. So we made a plan and we both felt relieved. Then I started talking about using some vacation time in September to visit our soon-to-be born nephew. She wants to come, but has to be conservative with her vacation time this year because, while she got the lump sum on July 1, if she uses more than she is “entitled” to before leaving at the end of January, she will have to pay it back. I figured out how much time she can use between then and now. But things were not matching up with her leave plan balance. I’ll spare you all the calculating I did, but it turns out when A. went full time TWO YEARS ago (she used to work 28 hours) our HR department never increased her benefits. So for two years her vacation and personal time has been prorated. And you know what, after we realized this, the conversation felt familiar. Two years ago we pointed this out to them, AND THEY NEVER FIXED IT! So my task today is to go through two years worth of pay stubs and figure out how much time they owe her, and also start figuring out if she’s been paying more for her health insurance, perhaps that’s still being pro-rated too! All I can say is my head hurts. This is such a huge mess and I am so pissed that we have to spend the energy to clean it up.

Now do you believe me that they are incompetent?

That’s how angry I am right now.

I had my meeting with my human resources benefits coordinator today to talk about maternity leave. I wanted to do it before I start back to work on Wednesday so as to clear up some questions I had. I have NO idea why I thought this meeting would make me feel any better. Stupid benefits coordinator from now on referred to as SBC, has once again proven she is unfit for her job. Here is how it goes:

I walk into her office for our scheduled meeting. She does not close her door - I am pretty sure this is confidential. But alas this office does not know what confidential means. She has a couple pieces of paper out. The first is my request for leave, she shows me how to fill it out. Then the conversation progresses:

SBC: The first 8 weeks (she’s clear not to use months, rather weeks) are paid and you’ll use your vacation for the remaining 4 weeks. And this is how you’ll document it.

Let me say I am thankful they are paid. But…

Me: Wait I have a question about about using my vacation. Since I am a 10.5 month employee my 4 weeks vacation are prorated, so I don’t have 4 weeks, and did not want to use them all up necessarily [this was something I was hoping to be able to determine at the time if we really needed the money].

SBC: This is how our policy is written.

Me: Okay, but I understand FMLA and the state of MA provides 12 weeks, why am I required to use my vacation time for the final 4 weeks?

SBC: FML does give 12 weeks, and we pay the first 8 and you must use your final vacation hours, whatever is left for the rest of your time off.

Does anyone see how I am not really getting 12 weeks…rather 8 weeks and then taking vacation time? WTF?!

Me: Well then I have a problem because I was planning to use some of my vacation in June for a family commitment, so I was not planning to wipe out my vacation while on maternity.

SBC: Well, that you’d have to work out with your supervisor. You’d have to ask for a leave with out pay.

Isn’t that what I am asking for my maternity?! WTF?!

Me: Can you explain why the policy states women must deplete their vacation?

SBC: Well as a supervisor it makes sense because you want that person back at work and not taking more time off.

At this point I was just sick of this conversation and it was going nowhere fast. And I was about to blow up.

After giving me another form SBC was ready to send me on my way. So I had to tell her I had some more questions. I explain my oncall rotation - every four weeks I am oncall 24 hours a day for one week. She did not know about this. I asked her if there are any protections that would prohibit my supervisor from making me pick up more oncall shifts during the fall semester.

SBC: No. Sometimes it’s better to be hourly, as an exempt employee you supervisor can expect you to work 70 hours a week, and it’s ok.

Is this REALLY my HR benefits coordinator telling me it’s ok for my supervisor to expect me to work 70 hours a week. It most certainly is not ok! Yes I am salaried, but I am not an indentured servant! And let’s not forget the hourly paid employees here make shit for money and have terrible time off benefits. No it is not better to be hourly here!

Me: Well from what you are saying it just does not seem like women are protected.

SBC: Women are protected because their jobs are being held for them and their benefits continue while out on FMLA.

Seriously the robot shit is getting old.

Me: Ok.

And I left the office because the more I questioned or disagreed the more defensive she got.

I knew this was not going to be an exciting meeting but I had no idea it would make me so upset. I have more thoughts but it is making me too angry to continue this post. This makes me want to leave my job even more once this academic year is over.

ETA: I forgot one more thing she said in regard to my questions about having to work extra this semester. “Don’t worry about the worst case scenario now. Save that energy for the baby.” Those were the final words she uttered as I walked out of her office. First of all, clearly no one else is looking out for my best interest (and my best interest is in the best interest of the baby) so I do feel entitled to have these concerns and get answers so that when I need to defend myself am able to! My supervisor is pretty clueless about maternity leave…I had to tell her it’s 3 months not 2!

My parents are pretty boring when it comes to the food they cook. I’ve been visiting for several weeks and no less than four nights a week my dad asks me if I want chicken for dinner. By this he means, plain chicken cooked on the grill. I always decline because I hate plain, dry chicken. I finally told him I just don’t like chicken. And since I do my own grocery shopping, I am content to cook my own dinner and still eat with him.

Just now he asked if I’d be here for dinner tonight and told me he was going to pick up some chicken on his way home! I just said ok. I think it’s too early for Alzheimer’s to be setting in, but how could he forget after I’ve told him almost every night for the last three weeks that I don’t like chicken?!

Yesterday I felt crampy, period crampy. Usually in the days before my period, I get dull cramps in the wee hours of the morning. Today, the same cramps palgued me around five am. So much so that I could have taken ibuprofen, if only I weren’t so lazy and didn’t want to get out of bed.

Instead, I lay there, knowing I am not pregnant. Sad. Tired. Really so tired, not because it was 5am (I went to bed at 9:30), tired of this. Tired of all the emotional work. The start of my cycles, the drugs, temping, the ultra sounds, the opks, the monitor, the phone calls to the midwives, the iuis. Tired of thinking it could work, tired of spending two weeks waiting for the news I so desperately want, tired of never getting that news. Tired of crying.

I am so tired of having so many people involved in this process. They are all great, but I am not sure I have articulated the added stress. I hate to inconvenience people, and that’s what I do every month. I need to be fitted in, when I need it. Not because I am a bitch, but because ovulation has its own schedule. I am sick of fighting with the receptionists at the MWs office, me insisting I need to speak to a MW today. I am tired of buying sperm. $7,000 and counting. SEVEN THOUSAND! And that does not include, all the sticks: monitor, opk, and pregnancy tests. Nor the monthly storage fees. And you know what, seven thousand dollars is nothing compared to what we’ve paid emotionally. I bet we’re into the millions now.

I know it isn’t over till I bleed, but I am not a fool, I know my body. I know all too well which days leading up to bleeding I: break out, start cramping, and have sore breasts. How couldn’t I, I’ve been charting for eons. And then there’s that holiday tomorrow. A holiday I’ve never really cared about. Always recognized my mother, but kind of thought it was a weird holiday, so why am I so sad that it’s passing? Yet another holiday that makes me sad. Just like the previous two Christmases. It’s the passing of time, these holidays are like anniversaries that remind me I am still not pregnant. And I had really hoped for the ultimate mother’s day gift this year.

I may need a break. I don’t want to take a break. Breaks are part of why this is taking so effing long. I will try again next cycle since it’s the third cycle post HSG and thus my last extra fertile cycle, not that that’s made any difference so far. Then I may need to take the summer off.

Time for us to feel on edge as my follicles spend the next five or so days plumping. A. and I are doing an amazing job at be excited and happy and sending every morsel of positive energy into this next try.

But we can only control ourselves (or try to). All the other people that are “helping” us, well we have no control over the anxiety they induce. Case in point, a phone conversation I had today, ring, ring:

“Hello, Ernie?”

“No. E—.”

“This is the lab calling, do we have a rec for the specimen that was just delivered?”

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“A rec. You know, a reacquisition from your midwife.”

“No. I don’t know. Did you ask me to have that faxed to you?”

“Well…we thought we had one on file, but it’s from last year so, we need another one. And we need it before we can unpack your vials.”

WTF?! Was there really any reason she had to make me feel like it was my fault that they did not tell me they needed this, or better yet when we called to register the delivery, that they didn’t take the time to check and see if we needed to update our paper work. And did she have to add the part about not unpacking the vials till the paper work arrived? Needless to say, this sent me into a tizzy. I was lucky to get the nice office manager at the MWs, she knew what I needed and had the fax number. She is my saving grace every time. I think she spends half her time faxing paper work to hospitals and labs- just for me!

Edited to add: ovulation pains began today…right on schedule!

I don’t get people. Many of my students are pretty shaken up today. I am at a loss for words.