Category Archive

Growing up we always unplugged our electronics during a thunder storm. So as the thunder booms outside and the rain unforgiving pours down, is it okay to use my breast pump? Hope so, Mr. E needs food while I am at work tomorrow.

So, uh, I joined.

And I am having a lot of fun with it.

If you know me and want to “be my friend,” let me know.

We just realized our son’s first birthday is the same day the next president will be sworn in. What better way to celebrate his first birthday than by GWB exiting the Whi.te Hou.se?!

There doesn’t seem to be time in the day to write proper blog posts anymore. I guess I knew this was coming. My head is overcrowded with thoughts right now.

• For about a month I’ve been working on a post about Mr. E’s biological siblings. I will finish it, some day, but the short version is that we’ve connected with three more families and met two more kids. They live two towns away from us!
• Not being able to fully blog about what’s going on with regard to the thing I don’t want to do has made me realize just how much I use this blog for therapy. Some day soon I will spill the whole story. Maybe.
• We’ve sold most of our possessions on Craig.slist. I have sticky notes on my computer reminding me who is coming when, for what, and how much they are paying. This is a full time job. Oh and I am back at in on eBa.y again too.
• Things we do not need between now and the move are slowly being packed each night.
• I’m trying to accept that even if I do lose the remaining 10 pounds, my pre pregnancy clothes probably will never fight right.
• But I am keeping them in a box labeled “pre preg. Long term storage.” Just in case.
• And while I am talking about weight, can I just say, who’s body do I live in now?
• He’s worth it.

Real posts to come. Someday. Maybe.

For those that don’t know, O.prah’s show yesterday was about sperm donors, but she kept calling them ‘fathers’ or ’sperm donor dads.’ Viewers heard about the experiences of: donors who’ve been contacted by children born from their sperm, single moms who conceived via donor sperm, and children born from donor sperm. Two mom families were not even mentioned! Over all the parent perspective of why donor sperm was used was completely missing. It would also have been nice if at least one sperm bank had been represented. But now I may be asking too much for talk show television.

I really appreciated two of the three donor’s perspective on their role in the kids’ lives. They were open to being contacted yet wouldn’t push a relationship. One of those two went so far as to say, he’s not the kids’ father, he only has one child, the child he had with his wife. (This is how I hope Mr. E’s donor feels, when and if he looks him up.) At the same time, that donor appreciates the need that some donor babies have a need to connect with their donor to fill in the missing pieces. (Precisely the reason we opted for an ID release donor) The third donor proclaimed himself ‘dad’ and the family is very happy with how the relationship has developed. Different strokes for different folks, I’m glad it’s working for them.

The donor babies (adults now, of course) profiled ranged from those who’d been able to locate and meet their donor to those desperately wanting to meet their donor, but have no avenue to do so, and in my opinion, are understandably upset by this. Their experiences of learning they were donor babies also varied with respect to age and circumstances around finding out. One woman was close to 30 when her mother told her. The kids that have meet their donors - or in one case, not the donor, but a half biological sibling, seemed to be at peace with the process, while the others really struggled. They felt strong that they should have access to the donor. Can’t say I disagree, but that’s probably evident by our decision to use ID release sperm.

Also profiled were the mother son duo who created the Don.or Sib.ling Reg.istry. A and I had planned to register once Mr. E was born, and we did so after the show. No matches on there currently. Hopefully some day we will connect with other babies from our donor - we know from our sperm bank that at the time of his birth there were seven other boys and six girls born from the same sperm. We have more vials in storage, as other families may too, so this number could increase. (Sadly, our donor is sold out and not donating anymore, so we’ve only got five shots at a sibling with the same donor.) The power of connection really hit me while watching the show and I am more thankful than ever that we’ve already begun to establish a relationship with two of his half bio siblings.

I enjoyed the real life part of the show - how donor sperm has impacted the lives of those profiled, but it would have been a richer show had more perspectives been included.

A is currently sorting through our CDs, weeding out the ones we can get rid of. This one was too precious not to share. It’s a circa 2000 mix from my brother. The message from him reads:

E.,

Music for your computer. It won’t work in a regular CD player. Use it in your CD drive. You may have to download “windows” winamp player.

Enjoy.

Love,

T.

Winamp?! Seriously! And why has it been sitting next to our CD player forever?! Sorting through CDs has been the most humorous of all our sorting projects.

I have been on Fertility Friend for a r e a l l y long time. First to obsess chart my cycles, twenty so or cycles worth. And later I started participating in the discussion boards, some of which have been informative and other make me want to pull my hair out (that’s a whole other post that I probably will never waste my time on). It’s pretty clear that most of the women on there are ttc, thus the draw to pay to electronically chart your cycles.

So I am always befuttled when someone posts that they got their BFP and it’s such a surprise!

So, I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping a secret. Tonight A and I have been reading through our archives only to realize some of what we wrote may have been a little, shall we say, transparent? Here’s the thing- when we first met (way back in 2001) we smoked a lot of the gr.een god.dess. As the years passed we’d go in and out of periods where we’d smoke and then not and then smoke. Well it seems as though last fall was a ston.er time. I present you with the following evidence:

Exhibit A

I can guarantee you, I have not smoked anything since becoming pregnant. But tonight, I was laughing so hard I was brought to tears while reading my posts and realizing I had to have been s.toned while composing them.

I hope this does not offend anyone…

Right now I would give almost anything to be soaking in a luxurious bubble bath, in a jacuzzi style tube, sipping a bottle glass of wine, snacking on finger foods by candle light and music. This tub would be far far away from my home and work, and the worries I am carrying would not exist.

Instead, I am home after a long day, and for the first time this pregnancy had to take my tension headache medicine, my back hurts so much I can hardly walk, and I am a weepy emotional mess. I continue to feel like a failure in my job and fall more and more behind every single day. I will get through this. It’s just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Today I am home from work for what I am calling a physical health day. You’ve heard of mental health days? Well today I am home taking care of my pregnant self because I stupidly over did it yesterday. I don’t regret our decision to travel into NYC for the day to catch up with and meet so many of our fellow blog buddies, but if I had it to do again, I would do it differently. Pre-pregnancy I was a go go go go go go type of person. I could push and push and do ridiculous things (like spend 11 hours in a car in one day). You could also call this stubbornness. But now that I am growing a human and have physical needs, not to mention nutritional needs, I just can’t keep that pace. And when I try to keep my old pace, I end up as I was this morning, feeling hung over and run over by a truck, and certainly not capable of going to work and being productive. So I emailed in sick.

We did have a really great time in the City yesterday. We also learned it’s not a day trip. This was only my third time ever to NYC! I’ve never been a big fan of cities - they are too big and overwhelming to me. Yesterday it was really nice to be in the company of so many folks who knew their way around, which made the whole experience so much easier and fun.

We’ve meet several of our blog friends in the past, but I’ve never met so many at once or gathered with that many at once. It was so wonderful to sit and talk in person to people I’ve been talking to on-line for two plus year and to meet some new folks (my bloglines has already been updated…). It was so comfortable and I felt like I already knew these people and yet, in most cases, it was only our first meeting. I wish we had been able to spend more time together. The suggestion that we rent out a floor at a hotel for the weekend next year was genius…(not sure who to credit here) but I second the motion.

On to other ramblings about my life (sometimes I am amazed people read my blog). You’ve read me bitch a lot lately about people always leaving this area for greener pastures and most recently about how we too will jump on that band wagon. Well today another good friend bites the dust. He’ll be moved out of here in two to three weeks. He’s moving on to a truly amazing opportunity that would never present itself here and that will position he and his wife to move forward in creating their family. But he is probably my closet friend here, and just another in a long line of close friends to leave. I am sad he won’t be around for Moon’s arrival. And sad in general that he’ll be gone. I am so happy for him though.

Now I am off to try to be semi productive since I am at home and there are lots of house hold things I could be doing…

When I woke up today, I thought it was Friday. 30 minutes later I realized it’s Thursday. Damn.

I don’t really have much to say and have been pretty uninspired when it comes to blogging lately…

We had a good weekend. We took a day trip out to the Berkshires. I hoped for more foliage than we saw, but it was still a beautiful drive as always. My dad called and said he found a condo we may be interested in and went to the open house. It looks pretty good. I may go down and see it next weekend. It’s in my second choice town (second because I like the beaches in my hometown better than this town). We had our host student over for dinner and she taught us how to make dumplings (yummmm!). I had to work for a few hours this morning. That sucked. Then we went to see a this movie. It was really good. Now Moon is kicking the hell out of me. How come nobody ever told me about this phenomenon called Cervix Dancing?! Ouch.

I am getting more and more uncomfortable and resisting the urge to complain all the time. Sleeping has become painful. Trying to stay on my left side leaves me with a painful left hip and a stiff body. So I am rotating from side to side, even though preggos aren’t supposed to sleep on their right side. I’ve also noticed that every movement just takes more out of me and I get tired quicker than normal. It’s all worth it and I know that. 3 1/2 months and we’ll meet our little Moon and this will all be a distant memory.

My best friend who lives in Alask@ told me she bought her tickets to come meet the baby! I am so excited that she is coming. She arrives a month after Moon’s due date. I would love to have her here for the birth (she’s a L&D nurse) but she can only come for a week so she can’t really chance me going late. It’s just great that she’s coming. It’d be better if she moved back East (nudge nudge, if you’re reading!).

That’s all I’ve got. Now I am off to organize my sock drawer. I kid you not. We bought a bunch of socks and my drawer is a mess and I want to be able to open it and find what I am looking for.

Enjoy what’s left of the weekend.

You loosely plan to leave work early claiming sick because all your afternoon meetings were canceled and you’ve been working too much lately. Several hours before your anticipated departure time you start to feel the sniffles, your eyes start watering, your throat hurts, and you’re tired…so you end up going home sick for real. This is not how my day was supposed to end up.

A. and I worked very hard over the last three years to get out of debt and onto some kind of saving track. The getting out of debt proved to be the easy part. The saving, not so much because as soon as we paid off our debt we started ttc, and shelling out thousands upon thousands for sperm and other ttc related expenses. When I became pregnant I joked our down payment for a house was growing in my uterus. We are on a serious savings plan now that we don’t need to buy sperm, and in anticipation of becoming a one income home come February when A. has to quit her job to complete her practicum hours in order to graduate with her masters degree in the spring.

My dad is a financial planner. He’s helped us over the years mostly around getting our retirement savings set up. Now he’s guiding us in the ways of things you have to do when you have kids: wills, power of attorney, health care proxy, guardianship, etc. Most recently he offered to do a financial plan for us that is all encompassing and will help to set realistic goals taking into account all the factors at play. He’s pretty excited about working through all the intricacies of doing such a plan for a legally married same sex couple.

In order to start this he needed us to get our FICO score and credit reports. We obtain our credit reports annually from the big three, but we’ve never needed our FICO before. This morning we both logged in and obtained our scores - which were exactly the same, and in the best possible range! I wasn’t really concerned and knew we’d get at least a “good” rating, but it was quite gratifying to know that all our hard work has paid off (ha ha) and we are “very good” which makes us eligible for the lowest possible interest rates.

Oh the things that excite you as you start to get older!

Happy two year blogaversary to me!

It’s hard to believe I’ve been writing in this blog for two years. I am often shocked at how freely I publish my deepest thoughts on growing our family. I had no idea when I started that the love and support of fellow bloggers would be so essential in helping us get through the darkest times our journey. I am keenly aware that we are one of the lucky ones who after much heartache are now gleefully awaiting the arrival of our child. While my blog has moved from sometimes bitterly trying to conceive to the ups and downs of pregnancy, I remember, just like it was yesterday, how devastating it was to experience negative cycle after negative cycle for nearly two years. I am pretty sure that with out this blog and all of you, this experience would have been far lonelier. Thanks to everyone for all your support over the last two years.

…

A. and I just returned home from a trip North for her aunt’s funeral. Her family lives about five hours from us. I am five months pregnant. I pee a lot. Let me be clearer, I pee very little, but very often. Our traveling has changed dramatically. We used to get in the car and go. Make one stop. Maybe. Now we stop every hour or two. Not only do I need to stop to use a rest room but also to move my body and keep the baby moving. On the way up I drove, and Moon lodged into me in the most uncomfortable way. Being a passenger on the way home seemed to help because I could move a lot, but we still stopped a lot.

Our time there was as good as it could be considering we went to attend a funeral. And I had a new experience. I was raised Catholic but haven’t really been practicing anything for most of my life. I’ve attended UU churches on and off but never joined any. A.’s father’s side of the family is Baptist. I’ve heard all sorts of things about being born again and saved and all that. But I really had not experienced a service. Until her aunt’s funeral. First, I must say the tribute in the shear number of people, more than 500, speaks to the many lives she touched. And the celebration of her life was quite nice, but there was this one part where the pastor, after paying tribute to her aunt, began down the road of offering his services to anyone who wanted to know more about accepting Jesus Christ into their heart. He let everyone know he’d be available at the reception to talk more to anyone who is ready to accept Jesus. I don’t remember the exact words but it went on for a bit too long and in my opinion, felt incredibly disrespectful to the family. This was a funeral after all. Sitting in the front row, I was trying to behave, but A. turned to me and whispered, seriously? I nodded in agreement. It certainly was an interesting and different experience for me.

Later on, after A. and I returned to our hotel and began talking about religion and spirituality. We were both still pretty blown away at the pastor’s remarks - me more than A. though because she was at one time ’saved.’ I’ve always struggled with this concept of God. I always rejected my parent’s religion. My mother dragged me to church but I was never happy there and got nothing from it - other than a community, but I didn’t really understand that at the time.

My experience was such that I pushed all religion away. My father only went along with my mother because she wanted to raise us in the church. But as I got older it became apparent that he was not really into it and now I have come to understand that he does not believe in God. He points to certain unfortunate events in his life that he believes would not have happened if there was a God. So for him, the very things that deepen other’s faith have driven him further from faith.

I must admit, I am more closely aligned with my father’s beliefs than my mother’s. I don’t point to tragic events as a reason not to believe, but more of a how do people really believe this stuff. On an intellectual level it does not make sense to me. I think I’ve always wanted to believe in a “higher power” and I am pretty sure that from time to time I’ve even said that I do. But at this point I’ve come to realize I don’t believe in God and I don’t feel spiritual. When I try to understand what people get from their beliefs I really am confused. And please excuse my brutal honesty here, but I think I’ve always kind of felt like believing in God is a display of weakness. Maybe that’s the point. You are surrendering yourself to faith. I am glad to have figured out that I really don’t believe in all this stuff. I think it took all this time removed from the Catholic church for me to really let go of all the baggage and realize I don’t have to believe in anything. And yet, I am still very open to A.’s wishes that we raise our child in the UU tradition. It’s the most open and challenging house of worship I’ve been to. And if nothing else, I think our kids would grow up knowledgeable about world religions, and maybe find some faith along the way. And who knows, maybe I will too, but for now, that fact that I don’t have to believe and that I don’t think I do, is settling in and I am enjoying the clarity.

Been super busy and yet have lots to blog about…maybe this weekend? In the meantime, I want to share one of my favorite websites. If you are a wanna be astronomy geek, you will appreciate this. Maybe some day I will try to explain my fascination with astronomy. Here’s the link - click on any date for a picture.

I created this blog in September 2005. A. and I were embarking on our TTC process, after having had a failed jump start the previous fall. I found myself reading TTC blogs, and blogs in general for the first time. A. was in India at a conference and I had a lot of time on my hands, so I created this blog.

I did share the URL with my two best friends, but I don’t think they read it with any frequency. So I began writing with the idea that no one I knew in real life was reading. I am not really sure if I would’ve done it any different. But I do think some of my earlier posts were incredibly raw at times.

Last spring I told a good friend and co-worker about the blog. He was the only one at work who knew I was TTC and would often help cover me when I was on-call and needed to go in for midwife appointments. We were drinking buddies and talked about a lot of stuff. Eventually I emailed him the link to my blog. It was kind of weird but felt totally cool. And when I found out I was pregnant, he was the first one at work to know…I told him in person before he read it on the blog.

Then a few months later my cousin found me on Fertility Friend. My blog is linked in my FF signature. Again, it was no big deal that she found me because really I’d been tempted to share it with her, but only held back because I was not ready to cross the line and have family know about it. I was glad when she found it.

My cousin then started her own blog, let me introduce you to her. Her sister, also my cousin, found my blog through her blog. She was kind enough to email and ask if it was okay for her to read/comment, and of course it was. But they are probably the ONLY two family members that I’d ever want reading this. (So why do I publish it for ANYONE to access? Good question.)

Since becoming pregnant my two best friends mentioned above seem to be reading more often.

I do think I am a little more thoughtful in what I write knowing that people I know read, but I don’t think I’ve censored myself. I still bitch and rant, and share too much information, and sometimes write with no attention to form.

So who do you know in IRL -that you didn’t meet through your blog- who reads your blog?

Positive energy will return to this blog soon.  I promise.

Things I’m thinking about:

1. Childbirth/labor options.
2. People I know “in real life” who read my blog (and who I did not meet through this blog.
3. A disproportionate number of my friends are male, which made me chuckle when we thought about who we’d invite to a baby shower.
4. The pregnant experience
5. Anxiety

Not much is new. I have less than a week before I go back to work. I guess I am ready. I just want to fast forward into the second week of September. That’s when things will settle down.

I’ve already vowed that I won’t put in 18 hours a day six days a week as I usually do in August. It just isn’t healthy for this baby! My co-workers will just have to deal. My Assistant Director will have to do more. What a fun year this will be… I am going to talk to the midwife at our next appointment (a week from tomorrow) about how to go about talking to my boss about how I just can’t do what is expected for this school year’s opening. She just can’t expect me to put in the hours that I usually do. I’m not sure how that conversation will go… I also want to meet with our human resources department so I can get a grasp on my maternity benefits. And to do a little poking around about my rights. I am not sure how my boss is planning to work out our on-call rotation that I will NOT be in while on maternity. But I fear she will expect me, in “fairness” to others to make up all the time I will miss during the spring while I am still working in the fall. I am pretty sure this is not cool. And it would make me crazy. So I will brave the dreaded HR department in hopes of seeking some clarity/support. Oh yeah and I can’t wait to see everyone’s faces when I show up pregnant- they don’t know!

I spent some time today melting wandering around the Noho side walk sale - the temperature read 99 degrees at 4pm. I didn’t buy anything but there were a lot of good deals and cool stuff. I wish I had myself together enough to start holiday shopping.

Before heading to the sidewalk sale I found a great kids consignment store in our town that sells kids clothes, toys, accessories, and maternity and nursing clothes! I got three shirts and a jean skirt for $12! We will be back there once this baby arrives! And I am sure I’ll go back to check on maternity clothes from time to time.

Our cats have been driving us crazy and the orange one tried to sit on the black one twice yesterday. Not sure what that’s about and I had to break it up each time. Today they cuddled in the window. It’ll be two more years before they touch each other again.

I will play along to We Are Fambly’s tag, but I am thinking about my eight things…I swear I’ll do it! (What else do I have to do since I am not working?)

I think we’ve decided to find out the sex of moonbeam. It’s been a struggle and I’ve changed my mind almost daily. I’ve tried to answer to myself what was preventing me from wanting to find out. And I really can’t figure it out. I think it mostly has to do with the social construction of gender and knowing that if we find out our baby will only have dodged the forced gender crap for only five months in utero as opposed to nine/ten. But I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that once it’s here, the World will see it as girl or boy and treat it as such. So really I’m not protecting it from much by finding out four months before birth. But honestly this could all change before the ultrasound.

And I’ve saved the best for last. Today a total stranger on the street asked me when I was due?!!! I am showing to people who don’t know me! I think the fun part of pregnancy is about to begin! Today is also our 14 week mark! So for the third week in a row we get to celebrate entering the second trimester! This time there is no question, all sources agree that by 14 weeks, you’re there! And this is what I look like:

seven weeks and today at 14 weeks!

I am a bit behind the times, and only recently started using bloglines (hyper linked for those of you like me who did not get it).  I’ve since developed a love hate relationship with it. I love that I can log on and see who’s posted with out going to my blog and clicking on all my links to see who’s updated. When I subscribed to my frequently read blogs I didn’t imagine I would begin to exclusively read through bloglines. But that is what has, for the most part happened. This of course means, less commenting (unless I actually click out of bloglines into the blog) and not keeping up with reading the comments other make, which I usually enjoy reading. I feel like I’ve entered the fast food of blogging and I don’t like it. I feel disconnected from the blogs I love and I’ve seen my own writing decrease.

I’ve also clued into another feature of bloglines, each time a person edits their post, bloglines thinks it’s a new post and alerts the reader as such.  And now I feel really dumb if anyone reads me through bloglines, because I am the QUEEN of edit. In fact, I post and then edit, and then edit, and edit. For me there is something about seeing it in the final form that helps me find typos that I just can’t see while composing.

I know, these are really big problems I have.

I am a total blog slacker these days.

I have so many thoughts running through my head that I just can’t seem to sit down and write about them. Currently I am obsessing about how we are going to afford this child and trying to fulfill the dream of staying home - for at least a year. I loathe the idea of sending our child to day care at a young age, I sooooooo hope we can manage a way around it.

Today I am also bummed because I came home yesterday and woke up sick today. It seems when ever I am home I am sick. Today it’s allergies. I thought I had an ear infection when I woke at 2am in pain, so I got up early (not too hard since I was awake in pain most the night) to make it in time for the 8 am walk in appointments at my doctors. He said my ear was not red, so it must be allergies, and of course there is nothing I can take for it. My sinus area, and throat are also killing me. And I wasted a co-pay for nothing.

That’s pretty much all I have to say and that’s why I have not been writing. I am still reading blogs, but I have also been a comment slacker, maybe it’s because it’s summer time.

this is too effing cute!

I am going away for a few days and the internet situation is spotty so I may not post for a bit.

Do you all look at your blog stats and see what search terms bring folks to your blog?  I do, almost daily and while there have been some funny ones, I was slightly disturbed and a little humored by this one:

“cat”+”blocked”+”enema.” Who knew my posts about my sick cat would become a search able term! Poor Lou.

This is our “pet” Pete, the Groundhog. He’s so cute and soooo shy!

Ok, I’ve held back the “I can only conceive once in a blue moon” sentiments long enough. You may remember I conceived on the first full moon of this month, and tonight we are having a second full moon. The second full moon in a month is a blue moon. Since all this lunar stuff is so fascinating to me I did a little more research into this month’s blue moon. I wanted to know just how big a deal it really is - how often it happens. I was shocked to learn that the last blue moon occurred when I first started charting in late July, 2004! Hell, at least I know not to bother trying on typical lunar months if I end up having our second child!

Well two and a half to be precise. No this has nothing to do with the apple seed growing in me, it’s my count down till my summer break!!! Two weeks from this Thursday is my last day of work till August. Graduation was Saturday and the students moved out on Sunday. I love this time of year, when we have the campus to ourselves and we can sleep with the windows open with out hearing students walk below our windows. And the effing bell has stopped ringing - a graduation rite of passage here. After students pass their thesis they ring the bell…and keep ringing it…and ring it in the middle of the night. It gets to the point where you can’t tell if the bell is ringing or not. But now, it’s so quiet so very very quiet! Ordinarily once the students leave we’d enjoy a beer on our deck, but not this year.

I am soooo ready for this break! This school year was really difficult. We opened over capacity with hundreds of students in temporary housing - both on and off campus. I had two new supervises. I also went form having 250 to 500 students. My first on call weekend was the second worst/busiest in three years. Monday morning I turned my pager off for at least three months and waved good bye to the few remaining students. Some how we all made it to this date, when we can start to relax as we try to tie up all the loose ends before heading out for the summer. Per usual I have another years worth of crazy stories but the I think the best story of this year was learning some of my students were collecting road kill to skin and then make a fur-lined keyboard. I kid you not. It was gross. And the carcasses were discovered the same day we had our first adoption home visit, thank god the inspector did not see them!

A. and I are getting away for this weekend. The first of our summer travel plans. In a couple more weeks we’ll head to Maine for A.’s brother’s high school graduation and then on to New Hampshire for a little birthday / wedding anniversary get away. Once home from that I head to the Cape for the summer, with A. joining as she can. She hates that I leave her, but maybe this summer she’ll be happy since she won’t have to take care of my pregnant self so much! Have I mentioned that I am tired and she caters to my ever need? Love that woman.

I want to poke my eyeballs out.

I’ve been sitting at my desk for the last three hours and I have nothing to do. The other folks that work in my office are not in today, so I don’t even have anyone to talk to. It’s 80 degrees out so all the students are playing outside. And I am stuck here. I’ve read all of your blogs and check bloglines obsesively. There is nothing worse than being at work with nothing to do. Normally I’d take off, being salaried and all, but if I leave then the office would be closed and well that would not be okay. So I sit and wait till 4:30 when I can bust out of here. Maybe I’ll take a bike ride or go take some pictures of the budding trees. 41 minutes to go………………

E: Hun, if we ever get pregnant I want to call the fetus Beetlejuice.

A: What!? NOOOOOO! You can never refer to our unborn child by that name. It was a disgusting person in a movie.

E: Yeah, but I want to link it to the babyjuice term that I often use.

A: No.

E: Ok, how about Bugjuice?

A: No. That’s like bug throw up or splattered bug guts.

E: Nah, actually I was thinking more like the green Hi-C I used to drink as a kid. We called it bugjuice.

A: No. Plus I don’t want semen to be the thing that qualifies our living growing fetus.

E: So what do you suggest?

A: This is the problem. We don’t have a fetus. We don’t even know if we have an egg. So let’s just hold off.

***

A clues in that I am posting and exclaims “Oh God” and makes a reference to Trista’s recent post, which she connected with about being pregnant with a boy, and the psychological mind fucks we play on ourselves…

E: So you really don’t want to play this game with me?

A: What game?

E: The name game.

A: The name of a FETUS THAT WE HAVE NOT YET CONCEIVED, is that what you are asking me? Oh God.

***

I guess I have to wait until I get pregnant before we can continue this conversation…

For the record I l-o-v-e our new car, even if some people poke fun saying it’s a mini van (it’s not! it’s a space wagon…). And tonight I learned from a reliable source that my biggest (local) lesbian-folk-singer crush drives the SAME car (well mine is black and hers is silver)! Ohhhhhhh.

Is it wrong that I was still downloading music onto my MacBook while driving? The traffic getting over the bridge provided the opportunity for me to slide a few cds in. And I didn’t upload them to my iPod till I got to the airport… I took A.’s car and it was not till I was already on the road that I realized her music was in the car and hell, maybe I’d like to have some of it! (Sorry hun, you’ll have to do with out Bruce and Bob for the next ten days…I really was too far along to turn back.)

And I am so happy about this WiFi at the airport!

Anyone find it odd that my HSG and Adoption posts are back to back? It’s very telling of how A. and I live, she tells me all the time, that living with me, she never knows what will happen next. Keeps life interesting.

School’s closed today after the first real snow storm of the year! A. and I are hanging out in our pjs and I am about to start baking….this is one benefit I love about working in education. I’ve never given up snow days, and I always feel like a little kid when I call in to learn if school’s closed or not.

It happened to me.

You know what I mean, someone from you past effortlessly types your name into the Google search bar, and in nano seconds, they pull up all kinds of information about you, including how to be in touch with you.

Last week I was checking my email and in the subject line of an email, whose sender I did not recognize, was “Hi E. It’s Name, Maiden name.” Now this was a friend from high school, well we meet in first grade really. And we’d lost touch. We did reconnect about six years ago, but then lost touch again.

The Googling phenomenon is an interesting one. On one hand, it is pretty cool that it can potentially link folks who’ve fallen out of contact and WANT to get back in touch, but there are a number of people that I have no interest in reconnecting with. Mostly ex’s and at least one former friend. The problem is anyone can Google anyone…at any time…

My full name brings up a lot about me. A lurker could find out where I went to grad school and what I studied, where and when A. and I got married, and my current job position and contact info.

I kind of wish I could get all that stuff off the web, I feel really exposed, and don’t like not being in control of my contact information.

I’ve been pretty quiet this week. Work has been really busy and other than that there hasn’t been much going.

My phone interview was postponed. I am really bummed about that, but it will be rescheduled. Work has been so stressful/busy that two co-workers, A., and I paid a visit to our local watering hole last night. We were there form 5:30-9pm! Which is soooo not okay on a Tuesday night. I wanted more than anything to call in sick today so I could stay home and sleep. But that was far from an option for me. I am trying really hard to get everything done at work, while balancing my internship, and having a life. So far I am mostly getting my work done, slacking on my internship, and am a total waste at home…I am going on two weeks of not putting my clothes away. A. is so anal about her things being away, but really never nags me about the fact that I suck at keeping my stuff neat and tidy. She’s just chill, and after six years must know this is just how I am.

Today I had the horrible job, for the first time, of telling someone that someone they really care about had died. I was giving the news to a student I know really well, and we were seeing each other for the first time in over a month. He was so excited to tell me all about his break, all the adventures he’d been on. I listened to him for a while and then had to break the news that an employee of our college, whom he was extremely close to, died yesterday. It felt awful. He turned white and was visible deflated. We hugged and he left to think about it. I can’t tell you how many times my mother has delivered death news to me. She always starts it with “well I have some bad news…[fill in the blank] died.” I’ve always hated that. Honestly, I am not sure what my delivery was today, but I know I did not use my mother’s line. And I hope it’s a long time before I have to give such news to anyone else.

Our afore mentioned plans are cancelled. I am officially staying home until I have enough energy to complete small tasks, like putting my clothes away, which I currently don’t have enough energy for.

After I accepted that I had to cancel our plans, I took a really hot bath. Again, I wanted to get clean, but did not have the energy to stand in the shower. The bath was great, but I still feel like crap. It did however prompt a question. I have found that the one bath product I could not live with out during the winter months is a grapefruit chamomile sea salt scrub from Trader Joe’s. This is the number one product that keeps my skin from becoming like alligator skin during the dry cold months. I love it!

So what bath product is most valuable to you?

I was exhausted when I got home from work yesterday. I had a tension head ache in the afternoon so I had taken my medication for it. By the time I got home I was loopy. The medication makes me feel high. I napped from 5:30-7:30 and then went to bed at 9:30. My plan was to be all better by today. But now I can tell I am fighting a cold. My head is generally cloudy, my nose is stuffy, my throat hurts, and my eyes are glassy. I am taking my vitamins, and drinking Airborne. We are planning to meet a friend for a movie and dinner tonight in Connecticut. I don’t want to cancel, but…

I am excited that I am on CD3, this will be my third IUI cycle, and sixth cycle using sperm (as opposed to all those other cycles that I charted between inseminations). Number six sounds good to me. I know we are getting to the point when things will either happen or not. My midwife originally told me to expect it to take at least three to six cycles, and I know from research that there is no reason to really worry until twelve cycles. I’m putting my money on number six!

Really it started yesterday. I returned from lunch to realize I had lost my cell phone. It was no. where. to be found.

In order to fully understand how bad this is, you should know that I only use a cell phone, I don’t even know my land line number, and the only place I stored ALL my contacts was in my cell phone. Oh and the only phone number on my resume is my cell phone.

But back to my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I was scheduled to attend a diversity conference today. I was excited, but it was the type of event that required my full emotional capacity. Still shaken up from losing my cell phone, I nearly had a melt down when the back door on my three-week-old car would not shut this morning. I had opened it to put my bag in the back seat, and then it would not shut. If this were our seven-year-old car, I would have understood, but three week-old car and the door won’t latch? A school bus driver saw me struggling and advised a little WD-40 would solve the problem. I ran in side only to realize we are out of WD-40. Luckily there was a contractor that I was able to borrow a can from. Well not so luckily, because that trick did not work. But I realized that only after I opened yet another door that then would not shut! I had to leave our new car sitting there UNLOCKED and drive the old car to my conference, which I was now late for.

Oh. And I had also just gotten my period. Not so devastating since we hadn’t inseminated, but really bad for my emotional state this morning.

I arrived just a little late and was jolted into wonderfully engaging conversations, but I was still so frustrated from the events of the last 24 hours. And then really bad cramps set it. I felt physically sick and seemed to have no coping skills. After lunch I called A. (from my work cell phone, because of course MY cell phone is still lost). I dialed her work number, except it was not her number. And I tried another number, still not her. See by this point in the day I was so close to a break down that I could not remember my wife’s work phone number! The same number I have called nearly everyday for the last two years! I thought, if only I had MY cell phone I could call her, the number is programmed in. Then I remember she had a cell phone and I COULD remember that number. I called her on that line. She informed me she had been in touch with the car dealership and they are going to see the car tomorrow, and that she had gone back out to the car at lunch and the doors shut! It seems they just don’t like to shut in cold weather. How convenient!? I informed her I was on the verge of an emotional and physical break down. I was so shaken up, for no good reason, other than a string of bad luck. And yet I found myself nearly breaking down in the middle of a lobby between sessions at the conference.

As I sat through my final workshop, which I was very excited to be in, I was crippled by menstrual cramps. If I had been in the office today, I would have gone home sick. I searched my bag for painkillers, but all I could find was my prescription medication for tension headaches. I took one. Nothing. So I took another. I barely felt a difference. I was so happy when the workshop was done and I skipped out on the closing activity to come home, get in comfy clothing and take some ibuprofen. Once I felt semi human, I forced myself to pay a visit to the Verizon store to replace my lost cell phone. As annoying as this was, I was just so relieved that I was able to keep the same number. If for no other reason that is the number on my resume, which I’ve sent to four colleges so far.

These things really do not seem so bad, I know. But I think I really was paralyzed by PMS today. I rarely have PMS inducing mood swings. Today was an exception. And it sucked.

A. has been very kind to me tonight and I am feeling much better as a result of lots of talking and several glasses of wine.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope it is much better.

My cousin and her partner visited this weekend. Over dinner on Friday night, we started talking about psychics and their experiences with them. I had never seen one, but thought it may be fun to do, and specifically to ask about my fertility. In short, will I ever get pregnant? Saturday morning we found a psychic and all four of us went. Now, when my cousin did it before, the psychic sat in a chair and tuned into her, and that’s what we thought we were getting. So we were a little disappointed to learn, she was only going to read our Tarot cards. Nevertheless, my reading gave me some hope/insight. Here’s what she said:

• Things came full circle at the end of 2006 - and they kind of did. We are in talks with our third potential known donor, after using frozen sperm on and off. And I am mentally shifting how I approach thinking about the journey.

• Trust and listen to my body more than I do the tests, and charts - and with this cycle I have already begun to do this in a way I have not in the last 2 1/2 years. I feel empowered now that I am putting myself back in control. I know what it feels like when I am ovulating, and I am beginning to trust that more than I do all the external indicators.

• Listen to my instinct. My instinct told me I needed to start dealing with the stress in a different way, thus the above mention changes, or else I would continue down the very sad and stressed road I’ve been on for far too long.

• Be more clear with myself about why I am doing this? She said I don’t really know. I’m not sure about this one, but whatever.

• Accept others’ offerings, can’t do it alone. Perhaps meaning I need to make efforts to keep A. as involved as possible.

• Keep a journal - I asked if she meant journal just for me or a journal others can see, she said just for me…but I am a bigger fan of this interactive journal.

• Be in contact with my spirituality and have faith - this is the hardest one, I am not a religious person and I really don’t practice any spirituality. Regular exercise is probably the closest I’ve been to spiritual (as in, nourishing my body, which nourishes my soul…I know, it’s a stretch). But I have not been great at working out consistently for several months, and really want to get back into my routine.

Overall she said didn’t feel I was infertile and said she thought it would happen sometime this spring. We’ll see. At the very least, it was an entertaining way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Anyone else ever been to a psychic? What did you think?

I’ve been really busy at work and home, so I have not had time to post, and I am really tired…need to go to bed now.

I will post soon about my take on the unique challenges of two uteri homes, per Charlotte’s request.

I am nearing ovulation, and I know this primarily because I have a walnut sized bump near my left ovary. And secondarily because I used my monitor this morning for the second time this month and got a peak (temped for the first time). Judging from the pressure near my ovary, I imagine it will burst in the next 12 - 14 hours. Who needs obsessive charting when you can just LISTEN to your body?! I may not even renew my FF membership that’s up in 4 days. Whoa I am going crazy with this not charting thing!

KD texted me tonight to tell me he has his appointment for his tests next week. I am working on getting the contract ready to send to him (deleting old KD’s info and inputting his).

Okay, I am off to bed now. More interesting posts later…

You read it right.

Our newest potential KD told us about procreation vacations where couples go away, are pampered, fed all kinds of healthy food and fertility boosting drinks while trying to get pregnant.

After everything I’ve learned about ttc, this just seems ridiculous to me. However, after googling “procreation vacation” I found many links and some stories about couples who conceived on the cycle of their excursion. Who knows, I mean those of us trying with donor sperm, and/or fertility challenges spend gobs and gobs of money to procreate, so maybe the hets can justify a get away in effort to get knocked up? I sure would have rather spent the thousands we’ve spent on a tropical vacation, and become pregnant to boot.

Oh well, such is the life of two women, lacking sperm, trying to get pregnant.

Ramblings about our New Years Eve:

The night was a lot of fun, maybe because I had low expectations, and didn’t really even want to celebrate, maybe because there was no build up, so there couldn’t really be a let down.

Four friends came over for dinner. A. made a really good miso, brussels sprouts, noodle dinner. I was a little nervous to serve brussels sprouts, because they are the most under appreciated veggie, but it went over well.

After dinner we went to a larger party- hosted by a friend’s friend. I knew the crowd would be younger, and I am often nervous that I’ll run into students at parties. We were the first ones to arrive, but not too long after there were a bunch of people there. I started chatting with a guy, only to find out he’s a student at the college I work at. Not long after one of the host’s sister came up to me (we went to high school together) and asked how old I was, and what month I was born in? I thought she wanted to know my sign or something. No. She then informed me that I was the oldest person at the party and that there was a 19 year old in the kitchen! It was time for us to leave.

The original dinner group gathered and we headed into down town Noho. (I missed the fireworks earlier in the evening, and I am so bummed because it was the only plan I had for the night and I heard they were really good.) We got to the center of town at 11:42. The streets were all blocked off and there were tons of people. For the first time that evening, I started feeling really excited and festive. We grabbed a quick, and I mean QUICK drink, and ran out side just in time to hear: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….and the ball had risen (yes, here in Northampton the ball goes UP not down). Music played, cannons shot (yeah…I’m not to sure about this one either) and I was really happy. After doing the whole first kiss thing, I turned to my left, and saw Dar Williams standing next to me with her husband and small son, they were pointing up at the ball and he was so excited. It was really funny to see her out doing regular people things. She played a show at the Calvin earlier that night. Almost as quickly as I spotted her, they scurried into the Hotel.

Rain started to fall just minutes after midnight, and we journeyed home. We celebrated with a glass of champagne and called it a night around 2.

I have hope for 2007. I. Really. Have. Hope. It’s going to be a good year.

In a mater of hours we’ll bid farewell to 2006 and welcome 2007. Our plans for the evening are still very much up in the air, and it seems like we will be spending it with friends from various parts of our lives. The only thing I know for sure, I want to see the fireworks in Noho tonight.

2006 was not a particularly exciting year for us. We did not experience any major life changes (stayed in our jobs, etc). The year did start with the exciting prospect of a kd, accompanied with a this is too good to be true feeling…after lots of emotional negotiation and one insemination cycle, the whole thing fell apart and we realized it had been too good to be true.

We took many months off in order to figure out our next step and to help my body recover from the stress induced anovulatory cycles. After many great ovulatory cycles, we were ready to start again, but had a new plan: frozen, identity release, in office IUI. September arrived, and we were so excited to be trying again. The only thing was, I was nearing the end of a five week stretch where I was working close to 18 hours a day, was pulled in 100 directions, and sure enough it was enough to create an anov cycle. We should have known it would happen like that. I know better than to think my body would not react as it did. But instead, I was so hopeful and then absolutely devastated when the September (and October, because it takes me two cycles to get back to normal) cycle were canceled. I was ready to give up and hand off this TTC project to A. Beside the kd falling through, this was the most difficult TTC episode.

By November, my body was back to normal and we started with IUI. Two cycles later I am still not pregnant. As previously posted, I struggled with this a lot last week. I was in a real rut. Then we started talking about foster parenting, and I gleaned a shimmer of hope. Adoption still feels unattainable, but maybe possible through foster care. And of course just two nights ago there was the offer of a kd. I am cautiously optimistic. He needs to get through all the testing before I can really let myself get fully excited about him.

Provided his tests all come back okay, I don’t think it will take us long to get everything in order and start trying again. We already have a lawyer and a contract, we’d just need to change the name on it, etc. He knows our stance as far as what we want in a kd, and he is very clear that he does not want children, and would not want any kind of visitation, other than our usual getting together. He remembered that one of the big problems with the previous kd was that he wanted biweekly visits (and he lives 3 hours away)! New kd, scoffed at that idea.

It is ironic that at the end of this year, I find we are in the same holding pattern we were in one year ago. Halting the frozen sperm and making plans with a kd. I know that kd plans can fade, just as quickly as they start, and I am prepared for this not to work, but for now, it’s exciting. I hope more than anything that it does work. That we all come to a place where we want to move forward and that a little babe is produced. And I hope that at the close of 2007 I will have a baby to blog about, or at least pregnancy.

Come on lucky 2007!

We just bought this car! We’ve been looking at it since it came out a year ago but had no reason to get a second car, nor did we have the money. Now we need it and well, we pulled a bit from our house down payment fund. I can’t believe we just bought a new car! We did test drive a Matrix, but it was a lot like our Subaru and we really wanted something a little bigger. It was the only car in our price range that had everything we wanted. It even has a moon roof!!!! It was the last one on the lot and since it’s an 06, we got a good deal because they just want to get rid of the 06s to start selling the 07s. We’ll pick it up tomorrow afternoon. I am in shock and hope we did not make a bad decision.

A. and I returned home today after five nights at my parents house. We had a lovely holiday and spent lots of quality time with family and friends. Our nephew continues to amaze me, and just gets cuter every time I see him. We kept him home from day care yesterday and got to play with him all day. We did miss the quite of our own home and
sleeping late!

Christmas was fun. It began when my brother, SIL, and nephew arrived at my parents house at 7:30am! We slowly opened presents (I got the iPod I wanted!!!!, thank you A.), then had a big breakfast. After that there was much running around before my father’s entire family arrived at 3. The day went fast, but was really a lot of fun.

I’m sure there are stories to post, but I am so tired and really not in the mood to recount them. A. and I are on vacation until the 2nd. I am hoping to apply to several jobs and we are going car shopping. We need to buy a new car - I am very excited and also quite nervous about adding another payment to the mix. After doing a lot of research I think we are exclusively looking at the Mazda 5 (although I am dying to test drive a Honda Element). We need a bigger car (we currently share one car, a Subaru Impreza wagon). While we do love our little Subaru, it is not practical for all the traveling we do. We’re always packed in, and we don’t want another all wheel drive vehicle. They are not good on gas and the maintenance is a pain in the butt! The Mazda 5 is a family car, and maybe some day we’ll have a family to put in it, but in the mean time it will give us the extra room we need (plus our two cats) for our many long distance travels. We’ve found ourselves in the market to buy a second car because A. is going to grad school next semester and it will be nearly impossible for us to negotiate sharing a car– although it’s been really great being a one car family for the last two and a half years!

In other, and more important news, we are also starting to think about pursuing foster care. I am still going to try to get pregnant and am becoming more open to some fertility assistance, but in the mean time I think I really want us to become foster parents. I went on line tonight to try to learn about the process, but it there really wasn’t a whole lot of information
available.

So that’s our last five days in a nutshell…

Oh, and a BIG HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Jen and Gretch! Finally, one of my TWW buddies are pregnant!

Conversations in our house tonight:

A: Did you order the pizza?
E: Yes.
A: Did you give them your cell phone?
E: No, the home.
A: Huuuuuuuuuuuun!!! [Very annoyed]
E: They can call the home phone.
A: Oh yeeaahh! [Very excited]

***
I just realized today is anniversary of my grandfather’s death. As I remembered, we couldn’t remember if it had been two or three years. We sifted through what was going on in our lives at the time (where we lived, worked, etc.) to figure our today marks three years, but it was a very confusing conversation and ended with these two sentences:

A: I don’t want to talk about this anymore because I am so confused. I feel like I am talking about someone else’s life.

This must be the day the hope fades.

I noticed a huge change in my optimism today. The IUI honeymoon is over and the torturous wait ensues.

Work was awful today, but I had my hair cut after work and it was very relaxing. I am out of the office for professional development tomorrow—yeah! When will this week be over?

We had our first snow today. A. caught some great photos:

Bean loved watching it fall…

And the boy is too cute not to share…

I slept till 10:30 this morning and stayed in bed another 30 minutes cuddling with the cats- who for the last two nights have both spent the entire night nestled into my body - usually they are at the foot. I had a headache and did not feel well when I got up, but started the coffee and laundry. As the coffee was brewing, I started my job search stuff. I got up to pour my coffee: get mug out of cupboard, pour in sugar, get spoon, pour coffee, poor milk…Oh SHIT that’s CHICKEN BROTH!! Yes, I mistook the soymilk container for the chicken broth container and dosed my coffee with chicken juice!!!!! It was so gross and the worst part was that I had used the last of the coffee beans and we had no more milk! Sadness.

Why would Stop & Shop make these two labels look so much alike?

Soymilk:

Chicken Broth:

Beat, that is what I am.

As the semester close approaches, I feel as though I’ve been run over by a Mack truck, over and over and over. I’ve never felt so tired in my life. A. will disagree with this statement and say I am always tired, but I am not so sure.

Classes end a week from today, and the little fuckers, I mean students, have to leave by Dec. 14th. Oh how I can not wait till 4:30 on the 14th. There are exceptions made for folks taking 5 college classes, and thus exams, but most will be gone and my work load will slooooooooow right down.

They’ll all be gone by noon on the 22nd. This makes me grin from ear to ear. Some how I managed to complete all my on call requirements already- I went off at 4:30 today. I’ve been on for three of the last five weeks and am so glad to be done for four to seven weeks, depending on when I go back on in January. As a way of rejoicing this I’ve silenced our phone and turned off my cell phone. No one can contact me.

A. left for D.C. for work Thursday morning and will return Sunday. It feels like she’s been gone for a long time, but I think that’s just because I’ve had two very long days since she left. Our poor cats hate it when she’s away- their feedings are sporadic and I often forget to give Mr. Lou his fiber pill (yes our cat takes a daily fiber supplement in order to stay regular). I stop home for a minute at a time, and they try to get some love, I tell them I’ll be home later. It’s so pathetic and makes me wonder how I will balance children with my life. I need to accept the fact that children are going to slow me down. I will have to be better about not working extra hours, and in general doing too much. A. is very understanding of my schedule, but a child could not be expected to.

Anyway, she is having some fun in D.C. but working hard and can’t wait to get home. I miss her, but I have to be honest, I do enjoy the alone time I get when she travels for work (which seems quite frequent through out the fall months). I love sitting in our house and listening to nothing but the tick of the clock, the motor of the humidifier, and the hum of the refrigerator. I do have a lot to do this weekend and need to find a balance between sitting on my ass relaxing and being productive. Here’s the list of things I’ve got to do:

• Update my resume and apply to two jobs - must do this!
• Look for newly posted jobs, apply
• Start Christmas shopping (only if I am really ambitious, but with A. out of town I should at least buy for her)
• Buy a birthday present for my best friend
• Go to said friend’s birthday party
• Take a long hot relaxing bubble bath
• Feed the cats - twice a day!
• Water the plants
• Clean and do laundry
• Buy food - who am I kidding, I won’t do this one
• Go to an open house for a condo
• Pay bills / balance checkbook

This is quite an ambitious list given how tired and lazy I feel tonight. Ah well.

I just went into the kitchen to get a drink and found this:

Our cats are seriously messed up in the head. Why on Earth, would he choose to sleep on the EDGE of the counter when there are so many other comfortable and not so comfortable spots to sleep in out house? We’ve given up trying to keep them off counters and tables, it’s a losing battle. They always do it when we are not around.

Clearly, this post has turned into my randoms thoughts while I have quiet alone time at home. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Oh, and thanks to all of you who delurked, I should put “add delurked bloggers to my linked blogs” on my to do list for the weekend.

Goodnight.

But I don’t want to go back to work!

How did this mini vaction come to an end so soon?

I can’t wait for winter break!!!

Ahhhh…..peace.

My last post was the result of a long bitch session on Thanksgiving night once everyone had left. A’s family makes her crazy and she was in rare form. There were some really great points to the day and I did gain a new appreciation for any one who hosts a holiday. I think we were just so tired and, probably did too much, and then thought certain family members would miraculously change. Oh well. It’s over, we did have some fun, and next year we are doing our own thing. I also got A to agree to stay in a hotel when we go to visit her family the weekend prior to Christmas. We’ve talked about getting one for a long time, but always cop out and sleep on the air mattress at her parents, but as we get older, we don’t really enjoy the air mattress (who am I kidding, we never enjoyed it) and we need our space. We’ll be there three weeks from now. Honestly, why are these two holidays so close together?

After resting yesterday morning we got in the car and drove three hours to attend my high school reunion. I was not planning to attend because I was not going home for Thanksgiving, but then a group of us all started emailing and before I knew it, they made it sound like it could be fun. A and I met up with three other couples for drinks before hand. As we sipped our drinks, we flipped through our senior yearbook reminisced, gossiped, and familiarized ourselves with the names and faces of the folks we were about to see after ten years.

We caravanned to the event sight and all parked together. As we approached the door someone asked if anyone had a cigarette. Much to my surprise, no one did (one of the better changes in the last ten years). And with out discussing it, myself and the three other women I graduated with turned to my car, leaving our spouses (who did not attend our high school) at the door. Once in the car we were surprised that we all abandoned our spouses at the door and there was talk of not going back, but that was never really an option.

We returned to find them in the hotel bar. They had started to go to the reunion, but then realized it would be really weird to walk in and not know anyone. Finally we entered the event. But even before we went in, we had our first interaction. Now I graduated in a class of 240 students. Three men approached us. They asked if we knew who they were and we only knew one of them. Then they us, and they did not know us. The not knowing was the surprising theme for me. I can’t believe how many people I did not recognize, partners in attendance further complicated this, someone thought they knew A. I had several people call me by name, and I sheepishly had to fess up that I did not know who they were- I’d say there were less than 10 people, that I was not friends with, who I could not place just by seeing them.

It was fun for about two hours and then it got boring, the d.j. finished at 10 (WTF?), and the bar closed shortly after. A and I opted out of the after party - we were really tired and I’d had enough. I’m glad I went, and I wish more people had gone (I think there were about 100 people there).

The rest of our time was spent playing with our cute nephew. He gets more adorable each time we see him. When he saw us pull in the drive way last night he stood in the door jumping up and down in excitement. He was super helpful while we were getting ready last night (riiiiight) and we got to see him play with his friend today. We were leaving a holiday event where his mom was volunteering. He did not want to leave her and had a break down when we did. When we got outside his little friend was arriving. She is 6 months older. He saw her, she saw him, and she came right up to him kissed him and took his hand. He was ALL smiles! They proceeded to walk around holding hands for the next half hour! Every so often she’d pick up his hand and kiss it. They were too adorable.

We decided to drive back today to avoid the traffic tomorrow. I am glad to be home, to sleep in my own bed, and to have a whole day here before going back to work on Monday.