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Way back when I was in graduate school I took a feminist research methodologies course. It was an elective course so I took the opportunity to study something other than my graduate focus. I had an interest in pregnancy and childbirth, and particularly the medicalization we’ve come to see so often in US culture. I reviewed oodles of research about the topic and also read many women’s stories about their birth experiences. Many women reported disappointment with how their birth experience played out compared to what they expected or wanted.
The topic fascinated me and even though I was years away from thinking about even trying to get pregnant, I knew it was important for me to educate myself on the subject. And by educate, I mean empower myself through knowledge and to really believe in my body. While pregnant, there were times I feared childbirth, who doesn’t, but I would remind myself, my body was built to do this.
For me, empowering myself meant collecting as much information as possible, having an idea of what I wanted, and being open to the fact that things may turn out drastically different that how I want. In an effort to do all this, A and I were sure to select a child birth class based on reviews. We wanted to know everything – from med free to C-Section. Because we just did not know what could happen. There was never a question about whether or not we’d have a doula. And I can honestly say, second to the costs of getting pregnant, the money we shelled out to pay our doula was the best spent money through out our entire journey.
We began monthly meetings with our Doula last September. She came to our home and the meetings lasted about two hours. She’d check in to see if we had questions and would also come prepared to talk about different aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. We talked extensively about what I wanted in my birth experience. She was accessible to us outside of our meetings (and still is after the birth) via phone and email. (She’s even called just to check in after our pedi visits, as Mr. E’s been battling Jaundice and needed 24 hour light therapy until two days ago.) She also visited us at home after the birth. This was helpful and gave us a chance to check in about breast feeding and also have her answer some questions about the birth.
On the morning of the big event, our Doula was the first phone call I made. Speaking to her calmed me down and helped us focus and put our plans into action. We remained in constant phone communication and it was for us to decide when we wanted her to arrive at the hospital – which was nice, because A and I wanted to spend a good amount of time alone early on. But as mentioned in Mr. E’s birth story, I decided I wanted her there, to help us navigate the medical system when the midwife started pushing induction.
As much as A and I had educated ourselves, I know that it was our doula’s presence that helped us tease out the overly medical approaches which in turn helped us find our comfort level when accepting medical help. Our doula also played a key role in taking care of both A and I while I was laboring. She helped me by suggesting position, helping me to focus my breathing and noise making, and by applying healing touches as needed. She checked in with A to assure her I was okay, and provided her with necessary support. Above all she kept us calm and focused and in the moment. We took each contraction as it came, and made decisions as needed with all the appropriate information.
I can’t say that I wouldn’t have had a similarly amazing birth experience with out a doula. Because, maybe I would have. I sure surprised myself with how well I coped with such a long labor. But I do think it would have been more stressful – for both A and I, and I am not sure I would have known how to most effectively use my breathing and sounds to help move the baby down. After my experience, I would not even consider giving birth again with out a doula.
have opened. It’s 3:50AM. I think my water broke a little before 3:20. I’ve called our Doula and the Midwife on-call. They both think my water broke. I am 37w5d. Not much else to say, we’re off to shower, pack the bag and wait…
My homemade burp cloth project was super easy, and we are still planning to cloth diaper, at least part time, if not more, so now I am thinking about making cloth wipes…and have spent a bunch of time this morning researching making wipes. I have the textiles to do it, but here’s where I am confused – all the websites also provide a recipe for making a solution to wet the wipes with. Is this really necessary? Can’t one just use the wipe, or wet it? Please, enlighten me.
I am of the belief that pregnancy should not last more than 37 weeks, 36 would be preferable. But 40, 41, and maybe 42? No way. It’s just cruel.
Maybe I am just having a hard time because I had such an amazingly relaxing break and then went back to work hell. I am the director of my immediate office. The assistant director has been out sick all week. I am glad she stayed home, and is now on antibiotics so I should not catch her illness, but her being out has made my week hard. Oh, and then there’s the vacant, support staff position in my office. It’s been vacant for a month and the first round of the search failed miserably. I am re-advertising this weekend. Which pretty much means I may give birth before finishing the search.
After having a ton of time off and being able to really take care of myself, I returned to do three people’s jobs at the exact time that I reached the infamous get this effing baby out of me stage that many pregnant women achieve at this point in pregnancy. And let me also include here, I am still fighting a cold, which further complicates my already interrupted-by-all-night-bathroom-trips-sleep.
I think all of this combined is what led to my tearful breakdown at my midwife appointment today. I was really out of sorts. And because we are refusing the eye ointment for the baby post birth she wanted to be sure I had the chance to have a chla.mydia and gon.orrhea test. I know I don’t have either of these and after a confusing exchange I was able to tell her no thanks. It was just after that, as I stood up to get on the table that I just broke down. It was so wonderful to have A there to give me a hug. We heard Moon’s heart beat and my blood pressure was fine. Then she suggested I take the day off, which I had already planned to do after waking up not feeling so well. I remained weepy through most of the rest of the appointment, including while I was doing the Gr.oup B Str.ep test (fun times) and then just broke down again in the car. The tears are coming on and off now. I am lucky that I’ve been pretty emotionally stable through most of the pregnancy, and I think there are just so many factors at play right now, that I was bound to hit a wall at some point. I am thankful to be home, feet up for the rest of the day. And A is bringing me lunch soon. This will pass, and all will be better soon, I am sure.
Extreme Nesting has come to an end! A and I spent today, the last day of our vacation, sorting through our kitchen, which was the last project on our list. Since we started Extreme Nesting some time last fall we have:
- Begun selling furniture we don’t need/want
- Moved three car loads of our stuff and our two kayaks into storage on the Cape
- Organized all our files
- Donated books galore
- Downsized from two desks to one
- Donated any and all clothes that we don’t wear/no longer fit
- Gotten rid of so many “things” we don’t need/want – I have yet to blog about my new love affair with e.Bay
- Sorted through both bathroom’s cabinets – purged old medicines and other crap we don’t need
- Picked through all our food cabinets and tossed expired food, married spices, organized, and vowed to create meals with the food we already have
- Sorted out the kitchen gadgets and donated the stuff we don’t use – our kitchen is so much more manageable now!
As we completed each project we cleaned the area before putting away the items we’re keeping. This place is clean and only contains the stuff we use! It feels so amazing and makes the Move feel manageable. I even packed an entire box of stemware today! It was pretty surreal to pack and label a box when we have 5 1/2 more months before we move! But the more we do now, the less we do with an infant!
In the last week I’ve also begun to make some progress on crafting things for the baby. I’ve been wanting to knit a hat for Moon to wear home from the hospital. Lucky for me, I woke at 5am most morning while we were at my parents so one morning I knit this:
And then I realized we didn’t have any burp cloths for the baby, and after spending time with our very pukey nephew, I conceived the idea of sewing burp clothes. I’ve only just started and have a bit more fabric to work with but here’s what I’ve sewn so far:
In addition to the Extreme Nesting over the last few months we’ve also managed to get almost everything ready for when the baby arrives:
- The room is set, the clothes, linens, etc. are washed and put away by size, and the changing table is stocked with all the baby necessities
- Car seats are installed
- The paper work to add Moon to my health insurance is as filled out as it can be
- Moon’s bag is packed for the hospital, we have the list ready of things we need to pack for ourselves, and all legal documents are tucked in Moon’s bag (marriage certificate, name change paperwork, health care proxy, emergency temporary guardianship paperwork)
- Toured the Birth Center at our hospital (loved it, and l-o-v-e-d the birthing tub)
- Last name change is complete and all those that need to know have been notified
- Project Legalize Everything is still underway – we have some second parent adoption paperwork left to finish, but our wills and powers of attorney are pretty much set
We are READY for the baby to arrive. I can’t think of anything else we need to do. Okay there is one thing, we need to attach the co-sleeper to our bed, but we have a plan to do that this week with the help of a friend. So Moon, anytime you want to arrive, after this Thursday (37 week mark), we’ll be waiting!
It’s a quiet New Year’s Eve in our home this year, and that’s just what I wanted. Each day I tire easier and easier and by afternoon my energy is almost depleted, so going out, in any fashion tonight is out of the question. We’d considered going to the local fireworks, but after returning home this afternoon, and walking through the cold and wind from the car to the house, we decided to put on our pjs and settle in for the night. There’s a pot of chili cooking on the stove and soon corn bread will be baking in the oven. It’s so very quiet here and we are enjoying being. I can’t imagine a better New Year’s Eve for this particular time in our lives.
A posted her year in review. I am far too scattered of a writer to synthesize a whole year in any coherent manner, so I’ve decided not to try. I will say that 2007 will forever be the year we FINALLY achieved our baby dreams. As long as I live, I will always remember the utter shock I experienced on May 15th, 2007 at 4:30am after receiving our first +hpt. It feels like just yesterday that we were standing speechless in the bathroom, staring at the +hpt. We hugged and kissed, and I think we were mostly in disbelief that it was really happening. My pregnancy defined much of the remainder of 2007.
It’s been an amazing journey. 2008 holds much change for us. The biggest, of course, the birth of Moon, but also a career change for A, a move “back home” to plant roots and to raise our kid(s) near family, and me stepping off my career path in search of something new, or maybe just to indulge in a long break from higher education. Eight hours of this year remain and tomorrow we’ll enter Moon’s “due month”, the kicks, turns, and somersaults, I feel as I type will soon be felt on the outside. Our time together will change, and A will, as she said recently, know how Moon is with out having to ask me. I’m ready. I’m ready to meet Moon, to hold him/her on the outside and I am ready for A to hold Moon and continue her bonding process.
2007 was super, but 2008 will be great! (Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)
I wish everyone a happy and safe holiday!
Ummm there are car seats in our cars! I’ve installed car seats in my car for our nephews many times before – both the infant and the convertible types. And always with no problem. I never understood why everyone makes such a big fuss about how hard it is and then has their worked checked at the fire station. It’s always been so easy. But somehow when you’re installing your baby’s car seat, and you’re nine months pregnant, it becomes the biggest, hardest thing you’ve ever done. Or, you at least spend a good amount of time second guessing if you’ve got it right.
The infant seat our nephew just outgrew is in the car I primarily drive. That one was easy to put in because it’s a new car and has the LATCH system, so with two snaps and a little tugging it was set (though there is a part of me that wonders if it’s totally secure). Our other seat, a Britax convertible, is in the car A primarily drives, and set up for infant use. We figured it would be good to have a back up and that car has All Wheel Drive, which we often need this time of year. However, fitting the huge Britax into the tiny Subaru was, well challenging to say the least. The Subaru was not made to host such a gigantic car seat … oh well, it will be moved to the bigger car as soon as the baby outgrows the infant seat.
Having just installed the seats, the reality that we’ll have some form of car seat / booster in our car for at least the next five years is just, um, a little more than I can comprehend.
Almost there. We are both so relieved to have made it home form Christmas – we have no plans to leave the area before the baby is born and we’re ensuring I can get in touch with A at all times. Here I am today at 36 weeks (there are some non-headless pictures on Flickr, for those of you that are my contacts there.
call in sick today. I hadn’t felt any Braxton Hicks contractions until this week. Earlier in the week I started experiencing what felt like mild period cramps low in my pelvic area. Turns out they were BHs. Last night, about an hour before going to bed, they came on pretty strong, along with backache. It feels like I am going to get my period. I continued to feel crampy through the night. Between the crampiness, backache and baby gymnastics in my uterus, I feel like a truck ran me over. I really really really wish I didn’t have to go to work today, and I wish more that maternity leave philosophically and practically encompassed more than the postnatal period. I am overwhelmed at the thought of working another month. Sure I could eat up some of my maternity leave before the baby arrives, but I know I will need it all after the baby comes. So I push forward. And I am getting to the miserable state, and I am not as pleasant to be around.
I am super busy at work this week, exhaustion has set in and I’ve not kept up on blogging. And I am frantically trying to finish knitting Nephew #2’s Christmas stocking, which I plan to do tonight…and hopefully the finishing decorative touches will happen tomorrow night, right after I go buy the things I need to do the decorative touches (and then we leave town Saturday). And while I am talking about work…we hired a temp to cover my maternity leave! This has been quite a process and I am so glad it’s working out!!!!
Thank you, everyone that has weighed in on names. It’s so fun to hear what you all think. Sorry to be so secretive about the names we are considering. We’re just not cool with putting them out to the internet at large. You’ve given us a lot to think about. Perhaps when the baby is born there will be a password protected post with the first name. Maybe.
I am 35 weeks today. And I feel it. I am just more tired, and move really sloooooooooooow, and get sore easily. Sleeping is getting harder. I am sleeping in longer chunks than I was a few weeks ago, but it’s not deep sleep and I wake to reposition often. My cat INSISTS that the bottom part of the Snoogle pillow, the part that curves tightly to come from your back to between your legs, is her bed. Every time I wake up, she has climbed back in there and I have to move her. I got our Boppy nursing pillow out for her, hoping that would satisfy her, but nooooooo (though the other cat loves it). I think she wants my body heat and the pillow since I currently sleep with the room at about 50 degrees (and I always wake with no covers on, and yes the air conditioner is still in the window – guess we’ll have to remove it before the baby comes, but for now I like it cold).
We met with our favorite midwife yesterday and she confirmed with out a doubt the baby is head down. We’ve thought so for a while, but now we know for sure. Everything else is going well. She seemed a little surprised that we’re traveling for Christmas, but I did ask her a long time ago if it would be okay and she said yes as long as everything is going well. And it is. I would be so very depressed to stay home this Christmas. So we’re going ahead with our plans to travel three hours by car.
Tomorrow begins mine and A’s 11 day vacation! (Sort of, I have to work a few hours Saturday morning…but I’m ignoring this fact). I am ready for the time off. I hope it gives me a chance to catch up and rest. I fear that all the running around I am doing at work these days is going to leave me exhausted when it comes time to actually have this baby. The break will be nice and maybe I will be able to hold onto the vacation feeling until I have the baby. We’ll be at my parent’s from Saturday through Wednesday and then once we return home a very good friend is coming to visit Thursday through the weekend. I don’t think we’ve seen him since we were in our last tww and we wanted one more visit pre-baby. Our New Years plans fell through, but that’s really okay with me. I’d rather not have a plan and just see what happens. When I told A this she said she thinks I am afraid of commitment and can’t believe I married her. Ha ha. I’m not afraid of commitment, it’s just that I don’t really like schedules. And honestly, I am not sure I will have any energy to do anything on New Years.
Okay…I am off to finish knitting the stocking.
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