Category Archive

Way back when I was in graduate school I took a feminist research methodologies course. It was an elective course so I took the opportunity to study something other than my graduate focus. I had an interest in pregnancy and childbirth, and particularly the medicalization we’ve come to see so often in US culture. I reviewed oodles of research about the topic and also read many women’s stories about their birth experiences. Many women reported disappointment with how their birth experience played out compared to what they expected or wanted.

The topic fascinated me and even though I was years away from thinking about even trying to get pregnant, I knew it was important for me to educate myself on the subject. And by educate, I mean empower myself through knowledge and to really believe in my body. While pregnant, there were times I feared childbirth, who doesn’t, but I would remind myself, my body was built to do this.

For me, empowering myself meant collecting as much information as possible, having an idea of what I wanted, and being open to the fact that things may turn out drastically different that how I want. In an effort to do all this, A and I were sure to select a child birth class based on reviews. We wanted to know everything - from med free to C-Section. Because we just did not know what could happen. There was never a question about whether or not we’d have a doula. And I can honestly say, second to the costs of getting pregnant, the money we shelled out to pay our doula was the best spent money through out our entire journey.

We began monthly meetings with our Doula last September. She came to our home and the meetings lasted about two hours. She’d check in to see if we had questions and would also come prepared to talk about different aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. We talked extensively about what I wanted in my birth experience. She was accessible to us outside of our meetings (and still is after the birth) via phone and email. (She’s even called just to check in after our pedi visits, as Mr. E’s been battling Jaundice and needed 24 hour light therapy until two days ago.) She also visited us at home after the birth. This was helpful and gave us a chance to check in about breast feeding and also have her answer some questions about the birth.

On the morning of the big event, our Doula was the first phone call I made. Speaking to her calmed me down and helped us focus and put our plans into action. We remained in constant phone communication and it was for us to decide when we wanted her to arrive at the hospital - which was nice, because A and I wanted to spend a good amount of time alone early on. But as mentioned in Mr. E’s birth story, I decided I wanted her there, to help us navigate the medical system when the midwife started pushing induction.

As much as A and I had educated ourselves, I know that it was our doula’s presence that helped us tease out the overly medical approaches which in turn helped us find our comfort level when accepting medical help. Our doula also played a key role in taking care of both A and I while I was laboring. She helped me by suggesting position, helping me to focus my breathing and noise making, and by applying healing touches as needed. She checked in with A to assure her I was okay, and provided her with necessary support. Above all she kept us calm and focused and in the moment. We took each contraction as it came, and made decisions as needed with all the appropriate information.

I can’t say that I wouldn’t have had a similarly amazing birth experience with out a doula. Because, maybe I would have. I sure surprised myself with how well I coped with such a long labor. But I do think it would have been more stressful - for both A and I, and I am not sure I would have known how to most effectively use my breathing and sounds to help move the baby down. After my experience, I would not even consider giving birth again with out a doula.

have opened. It’s 3:50AM. I think my water broke a little before 3:20. I’ve called our Doula and the Midwife on-call. They both think my water broke. I am 37w5d. Not much else to say, we’re off to shower, pack the bag and wait…

My homemade burp cloth project was super easy, and we are still planning to cloth diaper, at least part time, if not more, so now I am thinking about making cloth wipes…and have spent a bunch of time this morning researching making wipes. I have the textiles to do it, but here’s where I am confused - all the websites also provide a recipe for making a solution to wet the wipes with. Is this really necessary? Can’t one just use the wipe, or wet it? Please, enlighten me.

I am of the belief that pregnancy should not last more than 37 weeks, 36 would be preferable. But 40, 41, and maybe 42? No way. It’s just cruel.

Maybe I am just having a hard time because I had such an amazingly relaxing break and then went back to work hell. I am the director of my immediate office. The assistant director has been out sick all week. I am glad she stayed home, and is now on antibiotics so I should not catch her illness, but her being out has made my week hard. Oh, and then there’s the vacant, support staff position in my office. It’s been vacant for a month and the first round of the search failed miserably. I am re-advertising this weekend. Which pretty much means I may give birth before finishing the search.

After having a ton of time off and being able to really take care of myself, I returned to do three people’s jobs at the exact time that I reached the infamous get this effing baby out of me stage that many pregnant women achieve at this point in pregnancy. And let me also include here, I am still fighting a cold, which further complicates my already interrupted-by-all-night-bathroom-trips-sleep.

I think all of this combined is what led to my tearful breakdown at my midwife appointment today. I was really out of sorts. And because we are refusing the eye ointment for the baby post birth she wanted to be sure I had the chance to have a chla.mydia and gon.orrhea test. I know I don’t have either of these and after a confusing exchange I was able to tell her no thanks. It was just after that, as I stood up to get on the table that I just broke down. It was so wonderful to have A there to give me a hug. We heard Moon’s heart beat and my blood pressure was fine. Then she suggested I take the day off, which I had already planned to do after waking up not feeling so well. I remained weepy through most of the rest of the appointment, including while I was doing the Gr.oup B Str.ep test (fun times) and then just broke down again in the car. The tears are coming on and off now. I am lucky that I’ve been pretty emotionally stable through most of the pregnancy, and I think there are just so many factors at play right now, that I was bound to hit a wall at some point. I am thankful to be home, feet up for the rest of the day. And A is bringing me lunch soon. This will pass, and all will be better soon, I am sure.

Extreme Nesting has come to an end! A and I spent today, the last day of our vacation, sorting through our kitchen, which was the last project on our list. Since we started Extreme Nesting some time last fall we have:

• Begun selling furniture we don’t need/want
• Moved three car loads of our stuff and our two kayaks into storage on the Cape
• Organized all our files
• Donated books galore
• Downsized from two desks to one
• Donated any and all clothes that we don’t wear/no longer fit
• Gotten rid of so many “things” we don’t need/want - I have yet to blog about my new love affair with e.Bay
• Sorted through both bathroom’s cabinets - purged old medicines and other crap we don’t need
• Picked through all our food cabinets and tossed expired food, married spices, organized, and vowed to create meals with the food we already have
• Sorted out the kitchen gadgets and donated the stuff we don’t use - our kitchen is so much more manageable now!

As we completed each project we cleaned the area before putting away the items we’re keeping. This place is clean and only contains the stuff we use! It feels so amazing and makes the Move feel manageable. I even packed an entire box of stemware today! It was pretty surreal to pack and label a box when we have 5 1/2 more months before we move! But the more we do now, the less we do with an infant!

In the last week I’ve also begun to make some progress on crafting things for the baby. I’ve been wanting to knit a hat for Moon to wear home from the hospital. Lucky for me, I woke at 5am most morning while we were at my parents so one morning I knit this:

And then I realized we didn’t have any burp cloths for the baby, and after spending time with our very pukey nephew, I conceived the idea of sewing burp clothes. I’ve only just started and have a bit more fabric to work with but here’s what I’ve sewn so far:

In addition to the Extreme Nesting over the last few months we’ve also managed to get almost everything ready for when the baby arrives:

• The room is set, the clothes, linens, etc. are washed and put away by size, and the changing table is stocked with all the baby necessities
• Car seats are installed
• The paper work to add Moon to my health insurance is as filled out as it can be
• Moon’s bag is packed for the hospital, we have the list ready of things we need to pack for ourselves, and all legal documents are tucked in Moon’s bag (marriage certificate, name change paperwork, health care proxy, emergency temporary guardianship paperwork)
• Toured the Birth Center at our hospital (loved it, and l-o-v-e-d the birthing tub)
• Last name change is complete and all those that need to know have been notified
• Project Legalize Everything is still underway - we have some second parent adoption paperwork left to finish, but our wills and powers of attorney are pretty much set

We are READY for the baby to arrive. I can’t think of anything else we need to do. Okay there is one thing, we need to attach the co-sleeper to our bed, but we have a plan to do that this week with the help of a friend. So Moon, anytime you want to arrive, after this Thursday (37 week mark), we’ll be waiting!

It’s a quiet New Year’s Eve in our home this year, and that’s just what I wanted. Each day I tire easier and easier and by afternoon my energy is almost depleted, so going out, in any fashion tonight is out of the question. We’d considered going to the local fireworks, but after returning home this afternoon, and walking through the cold and wind from the car to the house, we decided to put on our pjs and settle in for the night. There’s a pot of chili cooking on the stove and soon corn bread will be baking in the oven. It’s so very quiet here and we are enjoying being. I can’t imagine a better New Year’s Eve for this particular time in our lives.

A posted her year in review. I am far too scattered of a writer to synthesize a whole year in any coherent manner, so I’ve decided not to try. I will say that 2007 will forever be the year we FINALLY achieved our baby dreams. As long as I live, I will always remember the utter shock I experienced on May 15th, 2007 at 4:30am after receiving our first +hpt. It feels like just yesterday that we were standing speechless in the bathroom, staring at the +hpt. We hugged and kissed, and I think we were mostly in disbelief that it was really happening. My pregnancy defined much of the remainder of 2007.

It’s been an amazing journey. 2008 holds much change for us. The biggest, of course, the birth of Moon, but also a career change for A, a move “back home” to plant roots and to raise our kid(s) near family, and me stepping off my career path in search of something new, or maybe just to indulge in a long break from higher education. Eight hours of this year remain and tomorrow we’ll enter Moon’s “due month”, the kicks, turns, and somersaults, I feel as I type will soon be felt on the outside. Our time together will change, and A will, as she said recently, know how Moon is with out having to ask me. I’m ready. I’m ready to meet Moon, to hold him/her on the outside and I am ready for A to hold Moon and continue her bonding process.

2007 was super, but 2008 will be great! (Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

I wish everyone a happy and safe holiday!

Ummm there are car seats in our cars! I’ve installed car seats in my car for our nephews many times before - both the infant and the convertible types. And always with no problem. I never understood why everyone makes such a big fuss about how hard it is and then has their worked checked at the fire station. It’s always been so easy. But somehow when you’re installing your baby’s car seat, and you’re nine months pregnant, it becomes the biggest, hardest thing you’ve ever done. Or, you at least spend a good amount of time second guessing if you’ve got it right.

The infant seat our nephew just outgrew is in the car I primarily drive. That one was easy to put in because it’s a new car and has the LATCH system, so with two snaps and a little tugging it was set (though there is a part of me that wonders if it’s totally secure). Our other seat, a Britax convertible, is in the car A primarily drives, and set up for infant use. We figured it would be good to have a back up and that car has All Wheel Drive, which we often need this time of year. However, fitting the huge Britax into the tiny Subaru was, well challenging to say the least. The Subaru was not made to host such a gigantic car seat … oh well, it will be moved to the bigger car as soon as the baby outgrows the infant seat.

Having just installed the seats, the reality that we’ll have some form of car seat / booster in our car for at least the next five years is just, um, a little more than I can comprehend.

call in sick today. I hadn’t felt any Braxton Hicks contractions until this week. Earlier in the week I started experiencing what felt like mild period cramps low in my pelvic area. Turns out they were BHs. Last night, about an hour before going to bed, they came on pretty strong, along with backache. It feels like I am going to get my period. I continued to feel crampy through the night. Between the crampiness, backache and baby gymnastics in my uterus, I feel like a truck ran me over. I really really really wish I didn’t have to go to work today, and I wish more that maternity leave philosophically and practically encompassed more than the postnatal period. I am overwhelmed at the thought of working another month. Sure I could eat up some of my maternity leave before the baby arrives, but I know I will need it all after the baby comes. So I push forward. And I am getting to the miserable state, and I am not as pleasant to be around.

I am super busy at work this week, exhaustion has set in and I’ve not kept up on blogging. And I am frantically trying to finish knitting Nephew #2’s Christmas stocking, which I plan to do tonight…and hopefully the finishing decorative touches will happen tomorrow night, right after I go buy the things I need to do the decorative touches (and then we leave town Saturday). And while I am talking about work…we hired a temp to cover my maternity leave! This has been quite a process and I am so glad it’s working out!!!!

Thank you, everyone that has weighed in on names. It’s so fun to hear what you all think. Sorry to be so secretive about the names we are considering. We’re just not cool with putting them out to the internet at large. You’ve given us a lot to think about. Perhaps when the baby is born there will be a password protected post with the first name. Maybe.

I am 35 weeks today. And I feel it. I am just more tired, and move really sloooooooooooow, and get sore easily. Sleeping is getting harder. I am sleeping in longer chunks than I was a few weeks ago, but it’s not deep sleep and I wake to reposition often. My cat INSISTS that the bottom part of the Snoogle pillow, the part that curves tightly to come from your back to between your legs, is her bed. Every time I wake up, she has climbed back in there and I have to move her. I got our Boppy nursing pillow out for her, hoping that would satisfy her, but nooooooo (though the other cat loves it). I think she wants my body heat and the pillow since I currently sleep with the room at about 50 degrees (and I always wake with no covers on, and yes the air conditioner is still in the window - guess we’ll have to remove it before the baby comes, but for now I like it cold).

We met with our favorite midwife yesterday and she confirmed with out a doubt the baby is head down. We’ve thought so for a while, but now we know for sure. Everything else is going well. She seemed a little surprised that we’re traveling for Christmas, but I did ask her a long time ago if it would be okay and she said yes as long as everything is going well. And it is. I would be so very depressed to stay home this Christmas. So we’re going ahead with our plans to travel three hours by car.

Tomorrow begins mine and A’s 11 day vacation! (Sort of, I have to work a few hours Saturday morning…but I’m ignoring this fact). I am ready for the time off. I hope it gives me a chance to catch up and rest. I fear that all the running around I am doing at work these days is going to leave me exhausted when it comes time to actually have this baby. The break will be nice and maybe I will be able to hold onto the vacation feeling until I have the baby. We’ll be at my parent’s from Saturday through Wednesday and then once we return home a very good friend is coming to visit Thursday through the weekend. I don’t think we’ve seen him since we were in our last tww and we wanted one more visit pre-baby. Our New Years plans fell through, but that’s really okay with me. I’d rather not have a plan and just see what happens. When I told A this she said she thinks I am afraid of commitment and can’t believe I married her. Ha ha. I’m not afraid of commitment, it’s just that I don’t really like schedules. And honestly, I am not sure I will have any energy to do anything on New Years.

Okay…I am off to finish knitting the stocking.

Is it bad that we are roughly five weeks from D-day and we really have no idea what we’d name our kid? We managed to work out the last name dilemma by hyphenating. And we know for a girl the middle name will be Cecile, for A’s Memay, and Joseph for a boy, after my Uncle. But dammed if we can decide on first names.

For the last month or so I’ve been getting a serious boy vibe. We have two boy names. I like both of them, A really likes one better than the other. But we both wish we had more boy names in the running. We’ve read the name book over and over and just don’t like any more names.

Our once very long girl name list has been narrowed down to three. One of which has been a favorite for years but we’ve seen it grown in popularity while we took forever to get pregnant. We don’t want our kid to have six other kids in her class with the same name. But we love the name and it has symbolic meaning to us. Then we thought we ‘discovered’ a name and we both really like it. But after logging on to Fertility Friend this morning and looking at the “Due in December” board, there’s already been two babies born and named with our popular and our discovered name!

We are starting to feel crazy. Why is naming so freaking hard? I know we are making it harder on ourselves because we really want unique but not out there names. Hard to freaking come by. So please, leave a comment and suggest some names.

Okay, so after my whiny post about my swollen self I did get up make a pancake breakfast. It was yummy but then my feet/legs hurt again so I went back to my elevated leg position. But there is still extreme nesting to get done and time is running out. (As my dear dear friend who lives in Alaska and is a labor and delivery nurse said to me “oh we see women having babies at 34 weeks all the time.” Then last night she said “so you’re trying to hold out at least another three weeks?” No, I am hoping for at least another five or six more weeks!!!!)

Today’s project: sort through books. Donate the ones we’ll never read again and box up the ones we want to keep (we have a long list of things we’re hauling to my parent’s house when we visit for Christmas, and books are on that list. The majority of our books are in the craft room, which I should really start calling the packing room since it’s mostly cleaned out and just has piles of things we’re keeping just waiting to be boxed up. The reason I tell you this is so you understand there’d be no place for me to sit in that room. So, I sat, feet up in the living room on the first floor, signed into iChat (video), while A signed into iChat upstairs. She’d pick up a book and we’d evaluate it. The criteria for remaining in our lives is pretty simple, will we ever read it again? We’re getting rid of sooooooooooo many books (and a huge bookshelf), I am so excited to not move them AGAIN! We’ve moved many of these books four times.

So, yeah, I pretty much think this whole we’re having a baby and moving across the state thing has really turned into some material worthy of our own reality show. The only thing left to do is our kitchen. I can’t tell you how good it feels to de-clutter our lives. Once the kitchen is done we can move onto the more tasky things left on the “to do” list.

In other words, we’re almost there!

We had a wonderful winter storm today. The college closed early so A and I got to go home and cuddle up. I took a long nap with my cat while A read. We drank hot chocolate and watched the snow fall. It’s beautiful! Tonight A washed ALL our baby clothes, bedding, and blankets! It’s like we’re really gonna bring a baby home in a matter of weeks! Wow. Here’s my 34 weeks belly shot and also a picture of the washed and put away 0-6 months clothes. Everything else is washed and put away in another closet.

In a little more than a week, we’ll be on winter break. A delightful eleven day break! I can’t wait.

This break could not be better timed. I haven’t posted much about work lately but it’s been rough. We’ve been short staffed in my department and in my office which means I’ve had to pick up a lot of extra work, sit on a hiring committee, and chair another hiring committee (and I think we’ve found a temp to cover my maternity leave!!!). All the while, we’re preparing to shut down for winter break which entails massive efforts to get the students out of here! They are supposed to leave by this Thursday but many get extensions to stay late because many take classes at other local colleges whose exams run later than ours. I am so worn down and don’t have the time to fight them, that I’ve granted many exceptions to stay late that would ordinarily be denied. What ev.

Many of them will leave this Thursday and then my work load will shift a bit. I won’t be in meetings nor juggling student concerns. But the work does not let up and is such that I will be on my feet most of each day while we shut down the residences. (I hurt just thinking about this!) I am not really sure how that’s going to work. But I’ve been clear with co-workers that I am a bit limited in how much I can help and that climbing stairs all day for five days isn’t happening.

At the end of all this…eleven days off! Eleven days with my wife. Eleven days to lounge around, take naps, hang out with family, play with our nephews, visit with friends, and make the final push to get the last minute baby things we need, wash baby clothes, and finish our to do list.

Winter break, how I love thee!

So sleep is something I longer really get, I think my body is practicing for when the baby comes. It takes me one to two hours to fall asleep at night. Then I usually need 45 minutes to an hour to fall back to sleep after getting up to pee, which happens a lot. Last night I was up from 4-6am, wide awake. When my alarm went off at 7:45, I was in a comma-like sleep. This has been going on for a while and is just getting worse. I am so effing tired.

I am unusually happy this holiday season. I don’t say this to imply that I am typically a holiday grouch, but I’ve noticed my outlook this holiday season is so much better than recent years. I am embracing things that usually bother me (Christmas music on the radio already, stores all decorated, etc. Ok, I’ll admit I did make a sarcastic comment about the so-called Wa.r on C.hristmas while at T.arget today…). I am throwing myself into the spirit. No one can ruin this for me. I am h a p p y ! ! ! !

Those reading along at home might be thinking, well no duh you feel happy, you’re pregnant. But would you believe it took me a couple of weeks to figure this out? This is the first holiday season in three years that ttc has not been present. And the last two seasons we’re filled with the ups and downs of: if it worked we can tell family over thanksgiving/christmas dinner. Those tww periods passed with yet another holiday season and no foreseeable child. And it was hard. And at times I felt totally hopeless. Each holiday that passed served as an anniversary-like reminder that we hadn’t achieved our ultimate dream, and as more and more passed, it became harder to believe that dream would ever come true.

This year is different. I feel so full. So blessed. I couldn’t ask for any gift better than what we are about to receive, and all of this is making me fully take in the season we’ve entered. A and I put up our tree today and listened to Christmas music. We talked about how excited we are to spend Christmas with my family and to see our nephews again - and how much fun Nephew #1 will be this year at nearly three years old, he is very interested in Santa for the first time. I love the magical feel of the gatherings that occur at my parents house over the holiday, and the chance to visit with the many family and friends that will pass through over several days. This will also be our last outing before birth (please no early arrival!!). Once we return home we’ll be under “lock down,” staying close to home until Moonbeam enters our world. Clearly this Christmas has an added element of specialness - our last couple Christmas and our last family interactions before we become mothers.

As I type this, I can’t help but think of all my blog friends who continue to struggle, and who may experience the holidays as I have in the past. It’s hard to sit here and go on about how great things are with out thinking about others. My holiday wish is for all those who are trying, hoping, and wishing to become parents, that the new year brings new hope, new possibilities, and new babies.

I am loving today. I am in a place between one crazy week and about to embark on our travels for the holiday. But today, A and I decided to blow off work and just be. Stay home, in our pjs, read, blog, and relax. Work thinks we should go in for half a day, we thought otherwise…and I felt vindicated by the fact that in the last two work days I managed to cross EVERYTHING off my to do list that’s been running since October (it’s amazing what two days with out students can do for my productivity)!

The last week and a half was hectic to put it mildly. As I kept pushing to get through it, I focused on this break, this time of regathering. It’s almost better to have a lazy Wednesday than a lazy Saturday! Tomorrow things will pick up again. We’ll wake early to get on the road and make our way to A’s family’s for Thanksgiving. We’ll spend two nights there and do a bunch of visiting, I am sure. But it’s also usually pretty relaxed. We decided to come home Saturday so we’d have Sunday at home before we go back to work. It’s apparent to me how much we need our down time, and I think in our unconscious we know that time will be limited once the baby comes, so we’re storing it up now.

The last week was filled with so much, and I am not sure how to organize my thoughts around it all. First, we had a going away party for our friends who got on the road this morning with heir moving truck to Ohio. I am still not sure the reality has set in. You know, one of the things I hate about being a grown up is that everyone is mobile. Especially now, many are in the stage before settling down, or moving to settle down, and each time another one leaves, I feel left behind. I am ready to be in a place where people are static. The party on Friday night lead us into all day childbirth class on Saturday and half a day Sunday. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked the teacher. She is a former doula and came highly recommend by our midwives. But I was still skeptical because we were taking the class at a hospital I don’t really like (so happy I am not having Moon there). It turned out to be a worthwhile endeavor. We met another couple that live about ten minutes from us and we all seemed interested in keeping in touch, so we’ll see where that goes. I imagine it could be nice to have someone to call up and hang out with when home on maternity through the dreary winter! Sunday morning we had brunch with the Parker Martins. It was so much fun! The twins are so cute and well natured. It was great to talk to their moms in person and connect as we begin to navigate defining our families while sharing the same donor.  And they gave a bunch of really great hand-me-downs!

No wonder we needed today to settle in…we’ve said goodbye to dear friends, hello to new friends, learned all about the birthing process and are gearing up to greet the holiday season.

We’re having the first snow of the season! It’s very light, but it was enough that when I pulled the blinds this morning, and unexpectedly saw white stuff falling from the sky, a smile crossed my face and I felt a little giddy. Winter is coming. And with winter comes our baby. We’re getting there.

Today begins our child birth cramming. We go all day today and half a day tomorrow. I don’t want to go. Last night A asked me what it was going to be like? My response, I’m going to be bored, unable to pay attention, and want to leave. I can not sit still for long periods of time and have a really hard time focusing in a “class” setting.

Obviously I do find value in the experience, or else we wouldn’t be going , but I do feel as though I’ve done a good job before the pregnancy and through out of educating myself. I know I need the information to make informed decisions about the birth and need to know what goes on in order to be able to advocate for what I want. But I much prefer doing my own reading and talking with our doula to sitting in a class setting.

Part of my grumpiness about spending this weekend in CB class comes from having just finished a week that was over scheduled, and I need veg out time. I need time to sit in my pajamas and drink my coffee (yes, I STILL drink coffee, and you know what, it’s the secret to not becoming constipated while preg, sorry if that’s TMI). Here’s hoping I am pleasantly surprised!

So much to say…too tired to say it. Here’s the teaser. We met with the midwife we love today. We hadn’t seen her in two months and she was all excited to see my belly. We had a really good appointment. Everything continues to be going just as it should. Guess who is getting written out of work two weeks before the due date? ME! 55 days and I will be on maternity leave! Happy does not begin to describe my feelings!

It’s been a slow week over here at Two Moms. I haven’t really had much to say, and I’ve been tired, and we’ve been busy plowing through the 4th season of the L Word, which we did finish last night.

I’ve been on-call since Friday and while the weekend was quiet, things picked up once Monday rolled around. So far I’ve been called out the last two nights for mental health concerns for two different students. Last night’s call came at 2am and I didn’t get back to bed till 5am, so I am pretty low energy today and really hoping for a break tonight. It’s that time of the semester when students start to panic about the work they should have done, but have not. Some start to stress about the upcoming holidays and having to go home to bad family situations, or worse, not having a family to go home to. As someone who works at a college, I start to get excited because this time of year means several much needed breaks. Many students will leave over the weekend for Thanksgiving break and when they return there are only two weeks left of classes at which time they will leave for winter break…and I will be blessed with peace and quiet, a chance to catch up on all my work, and the time to make the final push to get everything organized so that when I do go out on maternity the person (still yet to be determined) will be able to pick up where I leave off.

In the name change department. A has done 99.9% of the work, as she tends to do around most things in our personal lives since my job occupies me more than any job every should. She recently asked me if it would be okay if she made me a “to do list” including pre-birth and names change things that I have to do (meaning she would do for me if she could, but they are things I personally have to do for one reason or another). Today, for the first time, I was able to cross several items off the list; I changed my name with our bank, had my Roth IRA name change notarized, and mailed both our Roth IRA name change paperwork. This was huge progress for me. We’re getting there…slowly but surely…and all thanks to A.

The update on my uncle is that his seizures let up a bit and he was moved from ICU to a regular room on Monday. More tests are run all the time. His doctors say it’s a miracle he is alive right now. They’ve only ever seen two people with this illness and both were dead with in days. He is a fighter. The down side is that we now know that if he does pull out and regain consciousness his cognitive capacity will not exceed a five year old.

Tonight I need to bake a pumpkin pie to take to our host family dinner tomorrow night. This is a gathering of all the families that host an international student on the campus we work at, and it’s our end of the semester dinner gathering. I really hope my pumpkin puree has defrosted enough to bake the pie. Friday night we are hosting a going away party for our good friends who are moving to Ohio next week. The reality of their move hit me today. I am so very sad. But the party should be fun. Saturday and Sunday we have our crash course in child birth. I am not really all that excited about it, but do see some merit in going. I think we’re supposed to go see our host student in a dance recital on Saturday night, but she has not emailed me the info yet, and honestly, I think I’ll be too tired to go…I am a bad bad bad host mother. At the end of this long, tiresome week we are finally going to get to meet The Parker Martin twins and their Moms aka, the babies conceived with the same donor as Moon! We’ve been chatting over email/blogs for a long time now and they are visiting the area we live so we are getting together for brunch (before CB classes) on Sunday. I can’t wait!

So there you have it, my week in a nutshell, and as the title says, a post about nothing in particular. Now I am off to bake a pie, I hope.

9 weeks till full term…11 weeks till my due date…13 weeks till we will absolutely have this baby!

Here I am today at 29 weeks:

Time is flying…we’ve made a lot of progress on all the things we need to do before birth but still have a heap of name change stuff to complete, and also need to get working on filling out all the second parent adoption paperwork. But for tonight, we’re cuddling up to watch a birth video recommended by our doula…I really hope this is a good idea!

I hit 29 weeks today. This morning I said to A, you realize I could have this baby as soon as 9 weeks from now and it would be okay. Her response, does not compute. I think we’re both in shock at how fast this is approaching and at how much more stuff we need to get done before Moon arrives.

A and I met with our new lawyer today. We used a different lawyer for our KD contract back when we were using a KD. A local blogger recently referred us to this new lawyer. (Let me tell you, it’s been funny to answer the questions, and how were you referred? when asked by the receptionist and also by the lawyer.) This blogger went so far as to say this lawyer is the best where we live. This of course made me want to know more. So I poked around on the internet and then called to ask prices. I was pleased to learn the new lawyer was cheaper and seemed to be more reputable. She offered us a free consultation, we figured why not? We were not disappointed. I left the meeting feeling fully confident in her ability to make this as easy and affordable as possible. But more importantly, she felt human, and I felt I could ask questions and she took the time to make sure I understood everything. The other lawyer made me feel rushed, this lawyer did not rush us.

We set up the appointment wanting to talk about drafting wills and to get started on the second parent adoption paperwork. First and foremost we were happy to learn there are some ridiculously out dated laws (that were certainly not written to benefit same sex couples, but do nonetheless) still on the books that because of our legal marriage status, automatically entitles A as a legal parent of the child I birth, this is also the reason why her name can be on the birth certificate from birth. However, for lots of reasons, we both feel strongly we need to go forward with the second parent adoption. The lawyer spent lots of time explaining all the steps in the adoption. We learned that traditional adoptions usually have three steps (at this stage any way, I am sure there are 3,000 steps in all):

• The biological “father” has to terminate rights. In the event that the father can’t be found, then a legal notice must be published announcing the intentions for adoption, and someone (I guess the bio father) could then object.
• A home study is conducted by an agency to assess the prospective parents with regard to: home, relationship, finances, etc. I understand this is a very expensive process, not to mention intrusive.
• A six month residency requirement where for the first six months of the placement an outside agency assesses to make sure it’s a good match and all is going well.

This all seems pretty ridiculous given:

1. We used an anonymous sperm donor (and we are so happy none of the KDs worked out).
2. The baby has been incubated in our home and this will be it’s first home.
3. NO ONE is taking this baby away from us after six months because it’s not a good fit.

Of course, I knew some if not all of this may be waived given our situation but I was not sure just how. We were relieved to learn that within our court district the judges just about always accept a series of paperwork to prove conception through anonymous sperm, there by eliminating a need to “find the father;” will accept a home study waiver if we complete sixteen thousand pieces of paper detailing all the information normally gathered in a home study; and after doing all this and for obvious reasons, the residency requirement is waived. This is all very good news. Several towns over, the judges are not so accommodating and will not waive these requirements there by forcing same sex parents to not only waste a ton of time as they move through their adoption, but also to shell out significant money on top of the already expensive adoption fee…several.towns.over.people. We’re not talking different states, we’re talking towns. How effed up is that?!

The lawyer indicated if we get all our paperwork done before birth and then we fill in the details (baby’s name, obtain birth certificate, etc.) after the birth, then the latest it would be final would be May! We want it done before we move in July, so this was welcomed news. We questioned her about ensuring A’s legal rights to the child before the adoption is final and she offered us and option that will provide her with emergency legal rights to make decisions on behalf of the baby in the event that anything happens to me. This is a temporary document, good for 60 days. I will sign one soon and continue to resign them as they expire until the adoption is final.

After spending all this time talking about the adoption, we moved into talking about our wills, powers of attorney, and health care proxies. (Can I just say, I feel like a real grown up). This stuff was boring but now we know what we need to do. And we’ll do it. We’ll work with the lawyer to complete the wills and powers of attorney, and we can easily fill out health care proxies on our own. Turns out we won’t finalize the will until the baby is born because once it is born we’d have to update it to include the baby’s name. Waiting saves us an updating fee.

Fees. One thing I really liked about this new lawyer, other than her patience, was that she really seemed to be doing all she could to keep this affordable. She is so well versed in second parent adoption that it does not take much of her time to file the paperwork (her time = our money). She was honest with us about things we can do with out her, and also gave us tips of how to reduce the amount of time she needs to spend on our case - for example if we produce our marriage license and the birth certificate then she won’t bill us for time spent doing these tasks. But if we wanted her to do it she would. Same goes for the health care proxy. We can download the forms for free. Or we can ask her to take care of it all. She was upfront that waiting till after birth for the wills would save money and that waiting to sign the powers of attorney at the same time as the wills will also save money. All very good news, since this is all kind of expensive. In the end we signed a contract with her, and as soon as I send her a check she’ll be on retainer for us and the adoption stuff will officially be underway. Again, to say I have a lawyer on retainer makes me feel really grown up.

So that’s all the good news. We live in a state that has second parent adoption. We have a great lawyer, she’s working with us, it will all be done before the big move, and so on. But I couldn’t help but feel sad as we sat there plotting to ensure A’s legal parental rights to our child. I’ve known we’d go through an adoption, but I’ve always thought of this baby as ours. From the very start, she and I were in this together. We wanted to create our family. We shared all the ups and downs of ttc. And when I got pregnant, she was just as excited as I. She takes care of me when the pregnancy is difficult. Together we’ve prepared our home to welcome this baby. She is with me at every prenatal visit (and was at every insemination - hell she pushed the syringe at every insemination, she got me pregnant). And yet, we have to go through all this extra work and pay a bunch of money just to legalize her rights. Sometimes the law sucks. It sucks that as of this moment, she is a legal stranger to the baby I am carrying. When, she is anything but a stranger to this baby.

I don’t know what’s with the one word titles these days. As I’ve begun writing this post out in my head and working it out through conversations, ready is the best way to describe how I feel about bringing this baby into our world.

I am not nervous about how the baby will change everything. I am ready to become a mother. For as long as I can remember, that is what I wanted more than anything else. I wanted to wait till around 30 to become a mom, but I knew I wanted it. When I think about the changes and the struggles we’ll got through as we grow with our baby, I know it will only deepen mine and A’s relationship with each other as well as our relationships to family. We are a solid team. We’ve been working things out and loving each other for nearly seven years. We know each others strengths and weaknesses and we support each other as we succeed and struggle.

I know having a baby is not glamorous. Believe me, I’ve been around our nephews (and other babies) enough to know this. We’re lucky to have a family where everyone helps out. Knowing we’ll be able to tap into family help puts me at ease. I was more than excited to help my SIL after Nephew #1 was born. We spent four weeks at my parents house together that summer. During that time we shared care. The hardest part was night duty and I won’t lie, getting up to feed him and being sleep deprived was not my favorite part (and I realize it will be a whole different game with our own child). But the hard parts are all part of the package. And I want the package. I want the package more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I have a support system that will balance the baby’s needs / my needs / mine and A’s needs. By saying I am ready, I am not saying it will be easy. Rather that I want it and I am prepared for the challenges and the joys.

I do anticipate days of sheer frustration, alienation, sadness, fatigue. I’d be a fool to think our baby will be different from any other baby with respect to how they can run a mom down. And as the (hopeful) milk mom, sahm, I will naturally experience the baby different from A. Not better, just different. But that does not mean her experience will be any less meaningful, or her contributions to our family any less valued. Just after the baby is born, I think I’ll have it easy compared to her. I’ll be on maternity leave (home and cozy with the baby with no responsibility other than to care and love the babe) and she’ll be adjusting to the new baby while student teaching and finishing grad school. This will be our ultimate test in balancing each others needs. It’s going to be hard. And it’s going to be possible. And in the end, as my uncle used to say, we’ll have our neat little package. And we’ll be so in love.

Today marks 27 weeks and the start of the third trimester according the website I’ve been going by. Where has the time gone? We’re busy getting things checked off the to do list and I am starting to push myself to become a little more prepared for childbirth (aka read all the books I’ve been ignoring). I’ve found meeting with our doula helps to center me and guide me as I start the real work of empowering myself for childbirth through education . We’ve also continued other, more fun, getting ready for birth activities, like assembling the crib we’re borrowed from A’s co-worker. We decided to wait until after our move to buy one since she offered to lend us hers and this way we’ll have one less thing to move. I am slowing down and run out of energy much quicker than before. But over all I feel great and am sleeping well. I treasure these moments as I know, things will get harder as the weeks pass, for now I can deal with tired. And now, here is my 27 week belly shot:

p.s. Glucose test is tomorrow…wish me luck!

We contacted our lawyer to get the ball rolling on a number of things, but most importantly our wills and to to prepare for A. to adopt the baby. While we’re waiting to meet with her I find myself wanting to know how the second parent adoption works - will we need a home study, do we have to wait till the baby is six months old before she can adopt?, etc. (Having a home study and waiting six months seems so freaking ridiculous to me!) When I google for this information I find lots of great resources but they all seem to be out of date with respect to Mass.achusetts legalizing same sex marriage. Does our marital status change any of this? So if there are an MA readers out there that have any info, I’d love to know. Thanks.

Today’s prenatal visit in review:

Moon’s heart was beating away this morning.

I’ve gained nine pounds so far- finally I am starting to gain (I never really thought this would make me excited).

I found out I can have a water birth! I knew there was a tub to labor in, but I was unclear if I could stay there through the birth should I want to. The midwife today confirmed that I can. This makes me so very happy. I’ve wanted a water birth pretty much since I knew they existed, but when we signed on with the midwifery practice we use (three years ago) the hospital they deliver at did not have tubs. However, it was more important to me to have a midwife I really loved than a water birth. So I guess there’s the silver lining of our long journey- now a water birth is an option.

We’ve been given the assignment over the next two months of picking a pediatrician.

We also got the name of the birth certificate clerk at our hospital so we can start the process to get A.’s name on the bc from birth.

And, I think I’ve accepted the fact that despite the fact that I loath the flu shot, I will be getting it this year.

Glucose test is next month.

A. and I met with the doula last night. We both really liked her calmness, which was really important to us. I told her I want to try med free but am not closed to drugs and I ultimately need someone who will support that, she was on board. She shared her two very different birth experiences her first was very medical and the second was au naturale this information made us feel confident in that she’s been through both types and thus has a balanced view. She said all the right things and we both felt she’d be a good fit for us. So now we just have to tell her we’d like to work with her.

We’ll meet with her once a month till birth for ongoing conversations and to get to know each other. I am really excited to have the pre meetings as I think she has a lot of valuable information to share. We talked with her about how we really want our midwife at the birth but know we have no control - it’s up to the on-call schedule and when Moon decides to come. Now I feel confident that I can start to picture the birth with our doula there. It’s nice to at least know that much. I am still hopefully our MW will be on-call.

We’re meeting with a doula tomorrow night. I met her once briefly, but A. has not. I connected well with her and if we both like her we’re not interviewing any others. But here’s my question, if you interviewed doulas, what did you ask them? I know my main goal of the meeting is to get a sense for how comfortable I am with her and if I think we’re a good match. But if you have specific question we should ask, please let me know. Thanks. xoxoxoxo.