Category Archive

Now that my period is back and my cycle is on its way to regulating there’s been talk of ttc our second child (please let it only be one, after all I am a clomid gal). I want to enjoy this time with Mr. E and not rush into the next baby. As we walk the path back to ttc, that is my marker for readiness. We have (moving) target dates for when we’ll start, and ideas about minimally how far apart we’re comfortable with them being. But one thing that never changes, we’re impulsive, we change our minds every other day, and we’re probably so sleep deprived that we shouldn’t even be permitted to make the decision to have another one. And after my half day with Mr. E and our two nephews (10 months and 3 years), I began to reconsider another one altogether. Taking care of all three is exhausting. Picture this: Mr. E on me in the Ergo, 10 month old J in the stroller, 3 year old J riding his bike. Now, me running after J on his bike, while wearing Mr. E and pushing the stroller. And that’s the scene when the babies are confined. When we’re in the house it’s nuts!

But I digress. We will try for another. And we’ll probably do it sooner rather than later, and most likely sooner than we originally planned. As A said to me last night “why drag out having you home forever. Let’s just have the kids and be done with it.” (Of course she said it lovingly.)

All this talk has propelled me back to my time being pregnant. Somehow it doesn’t seem so bad. But I know it was. I know I was uncomfortable, and everything hurt, and I was emotional, and so on. But now, now, I yearn for the closeness with Mr. E that we shared for 10 months. I remember walking around while pregnant, thinking how amazing it was that he went everywhere with me, and dreading the day that would cease to be true. The other night something moved in my stomach (probably gas) and it felt as it did when Mr. E was in me moving. And I longed to feel that intimacy with him.

I hated being pregnant so I can’t believe I miss anything about it or that I am nostalgic and wanting to do it again. I already know breastfeeding will be the same. I didn’t know if I’d like bfing, and it turns out I am pretty damn good at it and so is he. I can’t say as though I love it, but I don’t hate it, I enjoy the time together, and most of all I am humbled to be so fortunate as to produce food for my child. I have every intention of bfing till he’s one, and then will see what happens. TTC plans may necessitate weaning. No mater what I know I will miss it when we’re done. Just as I somehow now miss being pregnant.

Its been one year since the IUI that worked! What an amazing year!

Way back when I was in graduate school I took a feminist research methodologies course. It was an elective course so I took the opportunity to study something other than my graduate focus. I had an interest in pregnancy and childbirth, and particularly the medicalization we’ve come to see so often in US culture. I reviewed oodles of research about the topic and also read many women’s stories about their birth experiences. Many women reported disappointment with how their birth experience played out compared to what they expected or wanted.

The topic fascinated me and even though I was years away from thinking about even trying to get pregnant, I knew it was important for me to educate myself on the subject. And by educate, I mean empower myself through knowledge and to really believe in my body. While pregnant, there were times I feared childbirth, who doesn’t, but I would remind myself, my body was built to do this.

For me, empowering myself meant collecting as much information as possible, having an idea of what I wanted, and being open to the fact that things may turn out drastically different that how I want. In an effort to do all this, A and I were sure to select a child birth class based on reviews. We wanted to know everything - from med free to C-Section. Because we just did not know what could happen. There was never a question about whether or not we’d have a doula. And I can honestly say, second to the costs of getting pregnant, the money we shelled out to pay our doula was the best spent money through out our entire journey.

We began monthly meetings with our Doula last September. She came to our home and the meetings lasted about two hours. She’d check in to see if we had questions and would also come prepared to talk about different aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. We talked extensively about what I wanted in my birth experience. She was accessible to us outside of our meetings (and still is after the birth) via phone and email. (She’s even called just to check in after our pedi visits, as Mr. E’s been battling Jaundice and needed 24 hour light therapy until two days ago.) She also visited us at home after the birth. This was helpful and gave us a chance to check in about breast feeding and also have her answer some questions about the birth.

On the morning of the big event, our Doula was the first phone call I made. Speaking to her calmed me down and helped us focus and put our plans into action. We remained in constant phone communication and it was for us to decide when we wanted her to arrive at the hospital - which was nice, because A and I wanted to spend a good amount of time alone early on. But as mentioned in Mr. E’s birth story, I decided I wanted her there, to help us navigate the medical system when the midwife started pushing induction.

As much as A and I had educated ourselves, I know that it was our doula’s presence that helped us tease out the overly medical approaches which in turn helped us find our comfort level when accepting medical help. Our doula also played a key role in taking care of both A and I while I was laboring. She helped me by suggesting position, helping me to focus my breathing and noise making, and by applying healing touches as needed. She checked in with A to assure her I was okay, and provided her with necessary support. Above all she kept us calm and focused and in the moment. We took each contraction as it came, and made decisions as needed with all the appropriate information.

I can’t say that I wouldn’t have had a similarly amazing birth experience with out a doula. Because, maybe I would have. I sure surprised myself with how well I coped with such a long labor. But I do think it would have been more stressful - for both A and I, and I am not sure I would have known how to most effectively use my breathing and sounds to help move the baby down. After my experience, I would not even consider giving birth again with out a doula.

have opened. It’s 3:50AM. I think my water broke a little before 3:20. I’ve called our Doula and the Midwife on-call. They both think my water broke. I am 37w5d. Not much else to say, we’re off to shower, pack the bag and wait…

My homemade burp cloth project was super easy, and we are still planning to cloth diaper, at least part time, if not more, so now I am thinking about making cloth wipes…and have spent a bunch of time this morning researching making wipes. I have the textiles to do it, but here’s where I am confused - all the websites also provide a recipe for making a solution to wet the wipes with. Is this really necessary? Can’t one just use the wipe, or wet it? Please, enlighten me.

I am of the belief that pregnancy should not last more than 37 weeks, 36 would be preferable. But 40, 41, and maybe 42? No way. It’s just cruel.

Maybe I am just having a hard time because I had such an amazingly relaxing break and then went back to work hell. I am the director of my immediate office. The assistant director has been out sick all week. I am glad she stayed home, and is now on antibiotics so I should not catch her illness, but her being out has made my week hard. Oh, and then there’s the vacant, support staff position in my office. It’s been vacant for a month and the first round of the search failed miserably. I am re-advertising this weekend. Which pretty much means I may give birth before finishing the search.

After having a ton of time off and being able to really take care of myself, I returned to do three people’s jobs at the exact time that I reached the infamous get this effing baby out of me stage that many pregnant women achieve at this point in pregnancy. And let me also include here, I am still fighting a cold, which further complicates my already interrupted-by-all-night-bathroom-trips-sleep.

I think all of this combined is what led to my tearful breakdown at my midwife appointment today. I was really out of sorts. And because we are refusing the eye ointment for the baby post birth she wanted to be sure I had the chance to have a chla.mydia and gon.orrhea test. I know I don’t have either of these and after a confusing exchange I was able to tell her no thanks. It was just after that, as I stood up to get on the table that I just broke down. It was so wonderful to have A there to give me a hug. We heard Moon’s heart beat and my blood pressure was fine. Then she suggested I take the day off, which I had already planned to do after waking up not feeling so well. I remained weepy through most of the rest of the appointment, including while I was doing the Gr.oup B Str.ep test (fun times) and then just broke down again in the car. The tears are coming on and off now. I am lucky that I’ve been pretty emotionally stable through most of the pregnancy, and I think there are just so many factors at play right now, that I was bound to hit a wall at some point. I am thankful to be home, feet up for the rest of the day. And A is bringing me lunch soon. This will pass, and all will be better soon, I am sure.

Extreme Nesting has come to an end! A and I spent today, the last day of our vacation, sorting through our kitchen, which was the last project on our list. Since we started Extreme Nesting some time last fall we have:

• Begun selling furniture we don’t need/want
• Moved three car loads of our stuff and our two kayaks into storage on the Cape
• Organized all our files
• Donated books galore
• Downsized from two desks to one
• Donated any and all clothes that we don’t wear/no longer fit
• Gotten rid of so many “things” we don’t need/want - I have yet to blog about my new love affair with e.Bay
• Sorted through both bathroom’s cabinets - purged old medicines and other crap we don’t need
• Picked through all our food cabinets and tossed expired food, married spices, organized, and vowed to create meals with the food we already have
• Sorted out the kitchen gadgets and donated the stuff we don’t use - our kitchen is so much more manageable now!

As we completed each project we cleaned the area before putting away the items we’re keeping. This place is clean and only contains the stuff we use! It feels so amazing and makes the Move feel manageable. I even packed an entire box of stemware today! It was pretty surreal to pack and label a box when we have 5 1/2 more months before we move! But the more we do now, the less we do with an infant!

In the last week I’ve also begun to make some progress on crafting things for the baby. I’ve been wanting to knit a hat for Moon to wear home from the hospital. Lucky for me, I woke at 5am most morning while we were at my parents so one morning I knit this:

And then I realized we didn’t have any burp cloths for the baby, and after spending time with our very pukey nephew, I conceived the idea of sewing burp clothes. I’ve only just started and have a bit more fabric to work with but here’s what I’ve sewn so far:

In addition to the Extreme Nesting over the last few months we’ve also managed to get almost everything ready for when the baby arrives:

• The room is set, the clothes, linens, etc. are washed and put away by size, and the changing table is stocked with all the baby necessities
• Car seats are installed
• The paper work to add Moon to my health insurance is as filled out as it can be
• Moon’s bag is packed for the hospital, we have the list ready of things we need to pack for ourselves, and all legal documents are tucked in Moon’s bag (marriage certificate, name change paperwork, health care proxy, emergency temporary guardianship paperwork)
• Toured the Birth Center at our hospital (loved it, and l-o-v-e-d the birthing tub)
• Last name change is complete and all those that need to know have been notified
• Project Legalize Everything is still underway - we have some second parent adoption paperwork left to finish, but our wills and powers of attorney are pretty much set

We are READY for the baby to arrive. I can’t think of anything else we need to do. Okay there is one thing, we need to attach the co-sleeper to our bed, but we have a plan to do that this week with the help of a friend. So Moon, anytime you want to arrive, after this Thursday (37 week mark), we’ll be waiting!

It’s a quiet New Year’s Eve in our home this year, and that’s just what I wanted. Each day I tire easier and easier and by afternoon my energy is almost depleted, so going out, in any fashion tonight is out of the question. We’d considered going to the local fireworks, but after returning home this afternoon, and walking through the cold and wind from the car to the house, we decided to put on our pjs and settle in for the night. There’s a pot of chili cooking on the stove and soon corn bread will be baking in the oven. It’s so very quiet here and we are enjoying being. I can’t imagine a better New Year’s Eve for this particular time in our lives.

A posted her year in review. I am far too scattered of a writer to synthesize a whole year in any coherent manner, so I’ve decided not to try. I will say that 2007 will forever be the year we FINALLY achieved our baby dreams. As long as I live, I will always remember the utter shock I experienced on May 15th, 2007 at 4:30am after receiving our first +hpt. It feels like just yesterday that we were standing speechless in the bathroom, staring at the +hpt. We hugged and kissed, and I think we were mostly in disbelief that it was really happening. My pregnancy defined much of the remainder of 2007.

It’s been an amazing journey. 2008 holds much change for us. The biggest, of course, the birth of Moon, but also a career change for A, a move “back home” to plant roots and to raise our kid(s) near family, and me stepping off my career path in search of something new, or maybe just to indulge in a long break from higher education. Eight hours of this year remain and tomorrow we’ll enter Moon’s “due month”, the kicks, turns, and somersaults, I feel as I type will soon be felt on the outside. Our time together will change, and A will, as she said recently, know how Moon is with out having to ask me. I’m ready. I’m ready to meet Moon, to hold him/her on the outside and I am ready for A to hold Moon and continue her bonding process.

2007 was super, but 2008 will be great! (Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

I wish everyone a happy and safe holiday!

Ummm there are car seats in our cars! I’ve installed car seats in my car for our nephews many times before - both the infant and the convertible types. And always with no problem. I never understood why everyone makes such a big fuss about how hard it is and then has their worked checked at the fire station. It’s always been so easy. But somehow when you’re installing your baby’s car seat, and you’re nine months pregnant, it becomes the biggest, hardest thing you’ve ever done. Or, you at least spend a good amount of time second guessing if you’ve got it right.

The infant seat our nephew just outgrew is in the car I primarily drive. That one was easy to put in because it’s a new car and has the LATCH system, so with two snaps and a little tugging it was set (though there is a part of me that wonders if it’s totally secure). Our other seat, a Britax convertible, is in the car A primarily drives, and set up for infant use. We figured it would be good to have a back up and that car has All Wheel Drive, which we often need this time of year. However, fitting the huge Britax into the tiny Subaru was, well challenging to say the least. The Subaru was not made to host such a gigantic car seat … oh well, it will be moved to the bigger car as soon as the baby outgrows the infant seat.

Having just installed the seats, the reality that we’ll have some form of car seat / booster in our car for at least the next five years is just, um, a little more than I can comprehend.

It’s only been four days since Christmas and I have yet to post all about our holiday and by now I am not sure it’s worth posting about. But here goes…

We had a wonderful last holiday with out a baby. We spent four nights at my parents house (despite the uncomfortable bed situation…) and gleaned lots and lots of quality time with our nephews, which is what we were most excited about. Nephew #1 was so much fun this year. He is almost three and it was the first year he “got it.” This, of course put the magic back in the holiday for all of us. I enjoyed visiting with family members one last time before having the baby, and it was special to receive gifts for “baby” and “cousin.” We also hauled home a bunch of hand me down baby gear that our nephews have outgrown (infant car seat, bassinet to keep on our first floor, tons of clothing!). Oh, and while most people we saw think I am having a boy, based on how I am carrying (which I am not sure I buy into), Nephew #1 is certain it’s a girl. I’m still getting the boy vibe.

Christmas was a mellow day for us. We did the traditional present exchange in the morning, with Nephew #1 opening everyone’s presents for them, followed by a big breakfast, and then lots of napping, followed by a big dinner. We don’t do any running around and my parents keep the number of people coming for dinner to a minimum, since our immediate family has grown to six adults and two kids, plus a few more. I have really come to like the smaller gatherings. Everyone is far more relaxed. When I was younger we often had both my father and mother’s siblings and their kids, plus other friends. And I loved it as a kid. Now the more people, the more my parents stress, the less fun it is for everyone…so small has become my preference. This has been balanced by hosting a more casual gathering on Christmas Eve, which A and I took over this year. For me, the night before Christmas is more fun, and filled with anticipation, so I prefer visiting with extended family on Christmas Eve.  All in all, I felt blessed to spend time with so many family and friends over the holiday, and to hold on to moments of my life as I know it, before the baby turns our world upside down.

A and I traveled home the day after Christmas and spent the whole next day running errands before our friend came to visit for two nights (There were lots of errands, but the highlight was getting A a new cell phone, which is way fancy and cool. As she drove us home I was playing with the gadgets on it and found it has a stop watch function. It took me more than a minute before realizing this would be helpful to time contractions as we’ve recently begun to wonder how we’d do that since neither of us own a watch. Cool, eh.) That was the same day I started to come down a cold that is starting to kick my but. It was great to see our friend, so much fun really. And he was super understanding of me feeling under the weather, and also of my pregnant state, but man, was it still exhausting to host. At times I was too tired to talk. As soon as he left this afternoon, I just felt a bit more relaxed. I’ve never felt so exhausted while hosting and it was a good preview for after the baby, and also reinforced the need for boundaries around guests.

A had her last class EVER today! She’s home now, putting all her school stuff away. We don’t go back to work till Wednesday of next week, and then Friday is her last day at her job! She starts student teaching the following Monday! I can’t believe we’re at this transition! I can’t believe we’re about to live on one income! I can’t believe we’re about to have a baby! It’s all happening so fast. Like we’ve been climbing a hill for months on end, and now the avalanche of change is tumbling down.

28 days till my estimated due date. That’s the same amount of time as a normal menstrual cycle. Woe.

Christmas was great as was spending time with family. More on all of that later. I am getting sick now, which is totally pissing me off because our very good friend is heading into town today to stay with us for a few days. We were supposed to tour the hospital today, but I feel too crappy so we’re putting it off for now. Blah!

In the good new department…Cali may be expecting! As we all say a line is a line. And I can’t wait for tomorrow’s beta!

call in sick today. I hadn’t felt any Braxton Hicks contractions until this week. Earlier in the week I started experiencing what felt like mild period cramps low in my pelvic area. Turns out they were BHs. Last night, about an hour before going to bed, they came on pretty strong, along with backache. It feels like I am going to get my period. I continued to feel crampy through the night. Between the crampiness, backache and baby gymnastics in my uterus, I feel like a truck ran me over. I really really really wish I didn’t have to go to work today, and I wish more that maternity leave philosophically and practically encompassed more than the postnatal period. I am overwhelmed at the thought of working another month. Sure I could eat up some of my maternity leave before the baby arrives, but I know I will need it all after the baby comes. So I push forward. And I am getting to the miserable state, and I am not as pleasant to be around.

I am super busy at work this week, exhaustion has set in and I’ve not kept up on blogging. And I am frantically trying to finish knitting Nephew #2’s Christmas stocking, which I plan to do tonight…and hopefully the finishing decorative touches will happen tomorrow night, right after I go buy the things I need to do the decorative touches (and then we leave town Saturday). And while I am talking about work…we hired a temp to cover my maternity leave! This has been quite a process and I am so glad it’s working out!!!!

Thank you, everyone that has weighed in on names. It’s so fun to hear what you all think. Sorry to be so secretive about the names we are considering. We’re just not cool with putting them out to the internet at large. You’ve given us a lot to think about. Perhaps when the baby is born there will be a password protected post with the first name. Maybe.

I am 35 weeks today. And I feel it. I am just more tired, and move really sloooooooooooow, and get sore easily. Sleeping is getting harder. I am sleeping in longer chunks than I was a few weeks ago, but it’s not deep sleep and I wake to reposition often. My cat INSISTS that the bottom part of the Snoogle pillow, the part that curves tightly to come from your back to between your legs, is her bed. Every time I wake up, she has climbed back in there and I have to move her. I got our Boppy nursing pillow out for her, hoping that would satisfy her, but nooooooo (though the other cat loves it). I think she wants my body heat and the pillow since I currently sleep with the room at about 50 degrees (and I always wake with no covers on, and yes the air conditioner is still in the window - guess we’ll have to remove it before the baby comes, but for now I like it cold).

We met with our favorite midwife yesterday and she confirmed with out a doubt the baby is head down. We’ve thought so for a while, but now we know for sure. Everything else is going well. She seemed a little surprised that we’re traveling for Christmas, but I did ask her a long time ago if it would be okay and she said yes as long as everything is going well. And it is. I would be so very depressed to stay home this Christmas. So we’re going ahead with our plans to travel three hours by car.

Tomorrow begins mine and A’s 11 day vacation! (Sort of, I have to work a few hours Saturday morning…but I’m ignoring this fact). I am ready for the time off. I hope it gives me a chance to catch up and rest. I fear that all the running around I am doing at work these days is going to leave me exhausted when it comes time to actually have this baby. The break will be nice and maybe I will be able to hold onto the vacation feeling until I have the baby. We’ll be at my parent’s from Saturday through Wednesday and then once we return home a very good friend is coming to visit Thursday through the weekend. I don’t think we’ve seen him since we were in our last tww and we wanted one more visit pre-baby. Our New Years plans fell through, but that’s really okay with me. I’d rather not have a plan and just see what happens. When I told A this she said she thinks I am afraid of commitment and can’t believe I married her. Ha ha. I’m not afraid of commitment, it’s just that I don’t really like schedules. And honestly, I am not sure I will have any energy to do anything on New Years.

Okay…I am off to finish knitting the stocking.

Is it bad that we are roughly five weeks from D-day and we really have no idea what we’d name our kid? We managed to work out the last name dilemma by hyphenating. And we know for a girl the middle name will be Cecile, for A’s Memay, and Joseph for a boy, after my Uncle. But dammed if we can decide on first names.

For the last month or so I’ve been getting a serious boy vibe. We have two boy names. I like both of them, A really likes one better than the other. But we both wish we had more boy names in the running. We’ve read the name book over and over and just don’t like any more names.

Our once very long girl name list has been narrowed down to three. One of which has been a favorite for years but we’ve seen it grown in popularity while we took forever to get pregnant. We don’t want our kid to have six other kids in her class with the same name. But we love the name and it has symbolic meaning to us. Then we thought we ‘discovered’ a name and we both really like it. But after logging on to Fertility Friend this morning and looking at the “Due in December” board, there’s already been two babies born and named with our popular and our discovered name!

We are starting to feel crazy. Why is naming so freaking hard? I know we are making it harder on ourselves because we really want unique but not out there names. Hard to freaking come by. So please, leave a comment and suggest some names.

Okay, so after my whiny post about my swollen self I did get up make a pancake breakfast. It was yummy but then my feet/legs hurt again so I went back to my elevated leg position. But there is still extreme nesting to get done and time is running out. (As my dear dear friend who lives in Alaska and is a labor and delivery nurse said to me “oh we see women having babies at 34 weeks all the time.” Then last night she said “so you’re trying to hold out at least another three weeks?” No, I am hoping for at least another five or six more weeks!!!!)

Today’s project: sort through books. Donate the ones we’ll never read again and box up the ones we want to keep (we have a long list of things we’re hauling to my parent’s house when we visit for Christmas, and books are on that list. The majority of our books are in the craft room, which I should really start calling the packing room since it’s mostly cleaned out and just has piles of things we’re keeping just waiting to be boxed up. The reason I tell you this is so you understand there’d be no place for me to sit in that room. So, I sat, feet up in the living room on the first floor, signed into iChat (video), while A signed into iChat upstairs. She’d pick up a book and we’d evaluate it. The criteria for remaining in our lives is pretty simple, will we ever read it again? We’re getting rid of sooooooooooo many books (and a huge bookshelf), I am so excited to not move them AGAIN! We’ve moved many of these books four times.

So, yeah, I pretty much think this whole we’re having a baby and moving across the state thing has really turned into some material worthy of our own reality show. The only thing left to do is our kitchen. I can’t tell you how good it feels to de-clutter our lives. Once the kitchen is done we can move onto the more tasky things left on the “to do” list.

It’s 9:08am.

We are covered in more snow and ice.

My feet and hands decided to swell up last night.

I need to sit with my feet elevated.

I am so bored.

I don’t want to play on the internet.

I don’t want to knit.

This feels like an extreme case of cabin fever.

And now it’s 9:10am.

This pregnancy thing is hard. It only gets harder every day. Slowly I’ve become less useful around our house. It takes just about all I’ve got to make it to work each day. When I get home I am exhausted, physically and mentally. There is no way I could do this with out A.

I am the pregnant one, so I get all the glory. All the how are you feeling? And all the other special attention. What the world does not know is how much she does for us, and how that has been integral in growing our baby. She pretty much runs our house and never complains. She cooks most of our meals. This was mostly true pre preg but the deal then was that I did the dishes. Now there are times when she cooks and then insists I not clean up, because she can tell I am too tired. She has become the solo grocery shopper recently, saving me the pain of wandering aimlessly up and down the food aisles. She keeps up on laundry. She manages our “to do” lists. She takes care of the cats - this is no small job in our house. It entails the litter box, monitoring our sick boy’s digestive functions and giving him four medicines a day, and then the usual food and water. She calls all the places we need to call and does things like take our car in to be fixed when needed. I’m sure I am forgetting things…but you get the point, she’s doing it all. And she is exhausted too. And let’s not forget, she is both working and going to grad school full time! (And she just finished her thesis last week!) There are no words that could fully express my gratitude for how much she has taken on as I’ve become further and further along in this pregnancy. And she does it with such grace and never once has made me feel guilty for sitting with my feet up each and every night. I just want the internet to know how amazing she is and how well she takes care of me and our little Moonbeam.

In other words, we’re almost there!

We had a wonderful winter storm today. The college closed early so A and I got to go home and cuddle up. I took a long nap with my cat while A read. We drank hot chocolate and watched the snow fall. It’s beautiful! Tonight A washed ALL our baby clothes, bedding, and blankets! It’s like we’re really gonna bring a baby home in a matter of weeks! Wow. Here’s my 34 weeks belly shot and also a picture of the washed and put away 0-6 months clothes. Everything else is washed and put away in another closet.

It’s not new information that everyone thinks it’s okay to comment on pregnant women’s bodies, moods, eating habits, etc. And for the most part it does not bother me. I really don’t even care when people rub my belly, but everyone that’s done it has asked, I think I’d be pissed if they didn’t.

Lately I’ve been getting the “you’re not that big” comments. You know what? I am okay with how big/small I am. I am big enough to be uncomfortable and I really don’t care to become huge, it’s hard enough to be as big as I am.

My co-workers are shocked that I am as happy go-lucky as I am. I believe what they said today was “you are a freak, pregnant women are supposed to be bitchy. What’s wrong with you?” We’ll I am one of the lucky ones, maybe? I’ve had maybe two or three incidents where I was either hormonal and cried, or so uncomfortable that I cried. But for the most part my emotions have remained in tact. Perhaps I am a freak, but do they really want me to be bitchy?

I’ll be happy to get my body back, and I will be happy when people stop thinking my body is open for public commentary.

A left our bed for the guest bed a bit ago primarily because:

• I have pregnancy induced snoring
• My pillow fortress and my body left her little room
• ETA: I change positions a lot through out the night, causing lots of commotion

I know some people would get upset at this, but let’s be real here, at this point our bed is for sleeping. And the more room I have to adorn myself with pillows the better so I don’t take offense. We do get into our bed each night and chat and A feels the baby and then when we’re ready for sleep she leaves for the guest bed. It’s worked out just fine.

I do look forward to the day when we share a bed again, but I hope my hormones regulate quickly thus getting my body temperature back to somewhat normal. I currently sleep with no covers and sometimes take various articles of clothing off because I get so hot (and still have the a/c in the window…) and she sleeps all bundled up, flannel sheets, down comforter, and a fleece blanket! How will we ever manage these different needs? Formerly prego ladies, please tell me there is hope for regulating my body temperature!

I got up early today, after a long night of non-sleep. After more than an hour of being awake and aimlessly wondering the internet I realized I forgot to make coffee. I am frightened about what sleep deprivation will be like with a baby if I am this forgetful now.

In a little more than a week, we’ll be on winter break. A delightful eleven day break! I can’t wait.

This break could not be better timed. I haven’t posted much about work lately but it’s been rough. We’ve been short staffed in my department and in my office which means I’ve had to pick up a lot of extra work, sit on a hiring committee, and chair another hiring committee (and I think we’ve found a temp to cover my maternity leave!!!). All the while, we’re preparing to shut down for winter break which entails massive efforts to get the students out of here! They are supposed to leave by this Thursday but many get extensions to stay late because many take classes at other local colleges whose exams run later than ours. I am so worn down and don’t have the time to fight them, that I’ve granted many exceptions to stay late that would ordinarily be denied. What ev.

Many of them will leave this Thursday and then my work load will shift a bit. I won’t be in meetings nor juggling student concerns. But the work does not let up and is such that I will be on my feet most of each day while we shut down the residences. (I hurt just thinking about this!) I am not really sure how that’s going to work. But I’ve been clear with co-workers that I am a bit limited in how much I can help and that climbing stairs all day for five days isn’t happening.

At the end of all this…eleven days off! Eleven days with my wife. Eleven days to lounge around, take naps, hang out with family, play with our nephews, visit with friends, and make the final push to get the last minute baby things we need, wash baby clothes, and finish our to do list.

Winter break, how I love thee!

I think my belly button has always been more sensitive than the average person’s. For a while I thought all belly buttons were sensitive. But I realized, after years of telling A not to touch any where near it, and her not understanding why, that this is not a normal thing. And that I have belly button issues. I don’t know why but it’s sensitive and just the mere thought of someone touching it freaks me out. So you can imagine I’ve been a little concerned about pregnancy and the potential that my belly button will pop out.

My belly is growing…it seems to grow overnight sometimes. I am at a point where the growth from day to day and week to week is noticeable - mostly in how my clothes (don’t) fit. Now, as my belly button has stretched to accommodate the growing, it too clearly shows how much my belly is growing. A used to ask, I wonder if your belly button will pop out? And I’d reply that I hoped not. Now she just looks at it, and we don’t talk about it. It’s going to pop.

There is no rational reason for why this is one of my greatest pregnancy fears. And I have no idea where my belly button sensitivity comes from. Maybe others do feel the same way?

Pretty much since the day I told my Dad I was pregnant, he has asked me ‘how are you feeling’ in every conversation that has followed.

Today he asked, and I answered per usual, feeling well, a little uncomfortable at times, but all is well.

Then he asked if I was big. I replied, I have a belly, but I am not huge.

His reply? Oh, you are having a girl.

I said you think so?

And he responds, yes, if your not too big then it’s definitely a girl.

He has made his wishes for a girl know pretty much from day one…we’ll see.

For months I’ve been stalking one of my favorite musician’s webpage hoping I’d get to see her one last time before I have the baby. She’s local so we often have our pick of dates to see her. But she’s been on a West coast and European tour pretty much since I got pregnant. It’s been about six weeks since I last looked to see if she was playing before mid January, and I guess I gave up at about that time.

A did not give up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to her, “I just want to see Chri.s Pure.ka one last time before the baby.” (And I don’t mean to imply that we’ll never go see live music after the baby, but I am sure it will take a little while and then we are moving out of the land of live folk music, so it’s just going to be harder.) A kept looking and eventually found that she had an upcoming show at our local music hall. She bought tickets and told me we were going out on Dec. 4th and that I was not to look around to try to find out what we were doing.

I love surprises so there was no way I would even think of snooping around the internet, as easy as it would have been to figure out what we were doing. Now, I had some clue that we may be going to hear live music because she had to tell me that I would need to get a co-worker to cover my on-call from 5-10pm, which fits into the time frame of when we go see shows at the Iron Horse, and while I hoped we were going to see Chris, I didn’t think it was a possibility since she has not played on the East coast in so long. I figured it was some other musician we really like and she wanted to have a nice night out with me.

I was so excited when I got home from work this afternoon and I finally let her tell me what we were doing (she started asking if she could tell me yesterday…but as I already stated, I love surprises and wanted to wait till the last minute to find out). I got my pre-birth wish. She was taking me to see Chris. She played all my favorite songs, seriously, I think it’s the best set she’s done, and we’ve seen her a lot! It was a perfect night. Moon’s been listening to her for a while now, and enjoyed the show too. Isn’t A the best?

Several weeks ago A sent me an email asking if I had to work or was on-call for the night of December 4th? I replied I was on-call and she she asked me to get a co-worker to cover me from 5-10pm, because we were going on a date (yes, things are that crazy that we set up dates over email, even though we live together!). That is all she would tell me. Since then “date night” has been written on our calender and I have no idea what we are doing tonight, though I imagine it may be our last date pre Moon! Yikes! I can’t wait till 5pm!

p.s. I slept from 10:30pm-6am last night - didn’t get up once (that may be a miracle for a pregnant woman). I feel like a new person! This seems to be the pattern. Two bad nights of sleep make me exhausted enough to get one good. Hey, at least I won’t fall asleep on our date tonight!

With being pregnant. I know I am lucky that it’s been complication free, and all that stuff… And most days, I can deal with the minor aches and pains and annoyances of being pregnant. And sometimes feeling the baby move, makes up for the times when I feel awful. But right now I just want this baby out.

I pushed myself too much on Sunday. I lifted a couple of heavy things, and I shouldn’t have and now I hurt. Not owning my body is so frustrating. I want to be able to do the things I used to do. Simple things, like taking the air conditioner out of the window and flipping the mattress on our bed (so I helped A move the AC into storage from the living room floor -where we left it last weekend, and helped her flip the mattress…).

I couldn’t get comfortable Sunday evening so I eventually just went upstairs and laid in bed. Times like that it’s hard not to cry. If only to let go of the frustration. Because really crying doesn’t do much else. But I feel so overwhelmingly frustrated that I can not keep my old pace and that I can’t even get comfortable when sitting. Laying down triggered Moon to start with the nightly acrobatics. Once Moon settled down, I fell into a good sleep. But I woke at 11:45 (damn on-call crap). After taking the phone call I was back in bed by 12am, and tossed and turned for two hours before getting up…and now Moon is back at the acrobatics, and I am exhausted, but can not fall to sleep to save my life. I have to get up in fve hours, and I am praying for a snow day so I can sleep in! Why is my body doing this to me?

How much $hit can we get rid of?! Seriously, I wish A and I had started a tally of the number of bags of trash/donations we’ve taken out since we started the sorting/packing/throwing project! The more we do it, the easier it is to part with objects!

We just spent another two hours wading through the craft room (which has tuned into the dump everything room), and aside from the books in there, I think we have finally finished with that room!!! Including today’s work, I’d guess we’ve taken out at least twenty bags full of stuff, probably more!

We’re entering round two of posting items for sale on Craigs.list. It feels so good to purge! Last Sunday’s project of organizing the files turned into an eight hour task that went well into the week! I think I have finally learned what types of things to keep - and I know now that I don’t need to keep things like the instructions to our electric mixer. At the end of the project, I was so tired of sorting that I signed up for paperless credit card statements! Less to file! Less to shred, I want less clutter in my life!

We’re making progress…we have more to do. I think the kitchen and under the bathroom sinks will be next weekend. With any luck we’ll have this place cleaned out before Moon arrives!

It happened a few weeks ago. As I grew more and more pregnant, and began to experience somewhat typical pregnancy discomfort side by side with the sheer excitement of the impending birth of our child, I realized, for the first time in this whole ttc/pregnant process, that I felt like a normal, average, typical, pregnant woman. And what an amazing feeling that was.

The ttc process was alienating at times; buying sperm was annoying, having to involve outside people was an invasion, knowing so much about my cycles and timing was crazy making. But now, after having a complication free pregnancy, I am feeling what it must be like for most women who go through this process. I don’t think of my body as fragile, I’m not on guard all the time. In fact, my body has gone so far as to prove to me that it can do this pregnancy thing. And it can do it quite well.

The stress of ttc is such a distant memory.  The routines I had, temping, poas, etc., faded quickly, and somewhere along the way, A and I became a typical, average, boring, expecting couple. And I am okay with that!

So sleep is something I longer really get, I think my body is practicing for when the baby comes. It takes me one to two hours to fall asleep at night. Then I usually need 45 minutes to an hour to fall back to sleep after getting up to pee, which happens a lot. Last night I was up from 4-6am, wide awake. When my alarm went off at 7:45, I was in a comma-like sleep. This has been going on for a while and is just getting worse. I am so effing tired.

The weeks are passing like days…

When I think back on the day we found out I was pregnant and how the first trimester dragged on, I just can’t believe how quickly these final weeks are passing. I go between totally excited and can’t wait to have this baby in our lives and freaked out about how everything will change. We’re trying to enjoy the quiet time we have.

I had my first almost-anxiety attack the other night. I was laying in bed and became overwhelmed with what is about to happen. My chest tightened up and my heart began pounding. I am no stranger to anxiety attacks, so I knew what was happening and I managed to tell this one to go away…and it did! I think it’s natural to freak out in the final days of pregnancy, and I am glad I was able to immediately calm myself down.

Here’s my belly today…at thirty-two weeks!

I’m gonna pay for this, but today I was motivated and I got a ton of stuff done. My back hurts now and I am sure to be in bed by 8:30 but hell it was worth it for all I got done:

• Cleaned the bathrooms, folded and put away laundry
• Went Christmas shopping - am almost done!
• Sold an item I posted Craigs.list
• Ventured back out with A and went to Sta.ples to buy needed items to organize our files, purchased Christmas gifts for her family, and bought groceries
• Spent two hours, sitting on the floor, sorting through our files. I have at least another hour of sorting and then the fun part - organizing and labeling with my new label maker!
• Wrapped Christmas presents
• Starting to put together box of A’s family’s Christmas and birthday presents to be mailed by Dec. 10th

I’m exhausted. And I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow!

I am unusually happy this holiday season. I don’t say this to imply that I am typically a holiday grouch, but I’ve noticed my outlook this holiday season is so much better than recent years. I am embracing things that usually bother me (Christmas music on the radio already, stores all decorated, etc. Ok, I’ll admit I did make a sarcastic comment about the so-called Wa.r on C.hristmas while at T.arget today…). I am throwing myself into the spirit. No one can ruin this for me. I am h a p p y ! ! ! !

Those reading along at home might be thinking, well no duh you feel happy, you’re pregnant. But would you believe it took me a couple of weeks to figure this out? This is the first holiday season in three years that ttc has not been present. And the last two seasons we’re filled with the ups and downs of: if it worked we can tell family over thanksgiving/christmas dinner. Those tww periods passed with yet another holiday season and no foreseeable child. And it was hard. And at times I felt totally hopeless. Each holiday that passed served as an anniversary-like reminder that we hadn’t achieved our ultimate dream, and as more and more passed, it became harder to believe that dream would ever come true.

This year is different. I feel so full. So blessed. I couldn’t ask for any gift better than what we are about to receive, and all of this is making me fully take in the season we’ve entered. A and I put up our tree today and listened to Christmas music. We talked about how excited we are to spend Christmas with my family and to see our nephews again - and how much fun Nephew #1 will be this year at nearly three years old, he is very interested in Santa for the first time. I love the magical feel of the gatherings that occur at my parents house over the holiday, and the chance to visit with the many family and friends that will pass through over several days. This will also be our last outing before birth (please no early arrival!!). Once we return home we’ll be under “lock down,” staying close to home until Moonbeam enters our world. Clearly this Christmas has an added element of specialness - our last couple Christmas and our last family interactions before we become mothers.

As I type this, I can’t help but think of all my blog friends who continue to struggle, and who may experience the holidays as I have in the past. It’s hard to sit here and go on about how great things are with out thinking about others. My holiday wish is for all those who are trying, hoping, and wishing to become parents, that the new year brings new hope, new possibilities, and new babies.

I am loving today. I am in a place between one crazy week and about to embark on our travels for the holiday. But today, A and I decided to blow off work and just be. Stay home, in our pjs, read, blog, and relax. Work thinks we should go in for half a day, we thought otherwise…and I felt vindicated by the fact that in the last two work days I managed to cross EVERYTHING off my to do list that’s been running since October (it’s amazing what two days with out students can do for my productivity)!

The last week and a half was hectic to put it mildly. As I kept pushing to get through it, I focused on this break, this time of regathering. It’s almost better to have a lazy Wednesday than a lazy Saturday! Tomorrow things will pick up again. We’ll wake early to get on the road and make our way to A’s family’s for Thanksgiving. We’ll spend two nights there and do a bunch of visiting, I am sure. But it’s also usually pretty relaxed. We decided to come home Saturday so we’d have Sunday at home before we go back to work. It’s apparent to me how much we need our down time, and I think in our unconscious we know that time will be limited once the baby comes, so we’re storing it up now.

The last week was filled with so much, and I am not sure how to organize my thoughts around it all. First, we had a going away party for our friends who got on the road this morning with heir moving truck to Ohio. I am still not sure the reality has set in. You know, one of the things I hate about being a grown up is that everyone is mobile. Especially now, many are in the stage before settling down, or moving to settle down, and each time another one leaves, I feel left behind. I am ready to be in a place where people are static. The party on Friday night lead us into all day childbirth class on Saturday and half a day Sunday. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked the teacher. She is a former doula and came highly recommend by our midwives. But I was still skeptical because we were taking the class at a hospital I don’t really like (so happy I am not having Moon there). It turned out to be a worthwhile endeavor. We met another couple that live about ten minutes from us and we all seemed interested in keeping in touch, so we’ll see where that goes. I imagine it could be nice to have someone to call up and hang out with when home on maternity through the dreary winter! Sunday morning we had brunch with the Parker Martins. It was so much fun! The twins are so cute and well natured. It was great to talk to their moms in person and connect as we begin to navigate defining our families while sharing the same donor.  And they gave a bunch of really great hand-me-downs!

No wonder we needed today to settle in…we’ve said goodbye to dear friends, hello to new friends, learned all about the birthing process and are gearing up to greet the holiday season.

We’re having the first snow of the season! It’s very light, but it was enough that when I pulled the blinds this morning, and unexpectedly saw white stuff falling from the sky, a smile crossed my face and I felt a little giddy. Winter is coming. And with winter comes our baby. We’re getting there.

Today begins our child birth cramming. We go all day today and half a day tomorrow. I don’t want to go. Last night A asked me what it was going to be like? My response, I’m going to be bored, unable to pay attention, and want to leave. I can not sit still for long periods of time and have a really hard time focusing in a “class” setting.

Obviously I do find value in the experience, or else we wouldn’t be going , but I do feel as though I’ve done a good job before the pregnancy and through out of educating myself. I know I need the information to make informed decisions about the birth and need to know what goes on in order to be able to advocate for what I want. But I much prefer doing my own reading and talking with our doula to sitting in a class setting.

Part of my grumpiness about spending this weekend in CB class comes from having just finished a week that was over scheduled, and I need veg out time. I need time to sit in my pajamas and drink my coffee (yes, I STILL drink coffee, and you know what, it’s the secret to not becoming constipated while preg, sorry if that’s TMI). Here’s hoping I am pleasantly surprised!

So much to say…too tired to say it. Here’s the teaser. We met with the midwife we love today. We hadn’t seen her in two months and she was all excited to see my belly. We had a really good appointment. Everything continues to be going just as it should. Guess who is getting written out of work two weeks before the due date? ME! 55 days and I will be on maternity leave! Happy does not begin to describe my feelings!

So many lurkers have delurked lately! It’s so cool! Anyone else want to delurk?

Here are some answers to questions posed in the comments of my last post:

Jen asked how we became acquainted with the Parker Martins?

Some time last year Chris, and I connected over Fertility Friend. It must have been in the TTC with Donor Sperm chat circle. I really don’t remember what initially brought us together but we began private messaging through FF. She realized she had gone to school where I live now so we connected about the area and how much we love it. At that time she informed me that she and her partner, Penny, had a vial of sperm left over they were looking to sell (the fact that we were using the same bank made the offer tempting). We had a bunch of sperm in storage at the time so I passed on buying it.

Months later Chris contacted me again to say they needed to get rid of the vial because they were still paying storage and she hated to just see it get destroyed. At the same time we were gearing up for another sperm purchase as we’d used up all ours. I made her an offer for the one vial and intended to also purchase more of the same donor from the bank. There was a catch. Their vial had been moved into storage off site from the bank and even though they lived near the bank at the time, and would have brought it there and had them ship it with the additional vials I’d buy, the bank refused to ship it. Chris spent a lot of energy researching ways to ship the vial across the country to us. But in the end it was going to cost a ridiculous amount of money. So we had to call off our deal (I could have flown to California and paid for an IUI for less than the cost of the shipping of the one vial). By then we’d looked into the donor and were onto at least our fourth donor, and really all we wanted was proof that the next donor could work. Chris and Penny offered us proof with their two babies! So we went ahead and bought a bunch of the same donor. First try with him and I was pregnant. Thanks in part to fertility drugs, I am sure.

Since meeting on Fertility Friend we’ve kept up through our blogs, but more so through email. We’re really excited to have this connection. A and I were the tenth family to conceive with this donor, so by law, we closed him out. I imagine if we registered our pregnancy on the donor sibling registry we’d be able to connect with more families. I’m not sure that we’ve made a decision if we’ll register or not. I guess you could say we created this connection by using the same donor, but hey, whatever works, right?

Shiba asked how we picked our donor and if we ever switched?

I guess what I wrote above gets to most of this but let me fill in what came before the donor that worked. We first started with a sperm bank in New England. It was close to home and made it a little more affordable. We only used one donor from that bank and moved on when it did not work. Picking our donor the first time however, was painstaking. We spent hours reading profiles and talking about the different donors.

Next we moved to a known donor. We tried once with him. It did not work, and our deal feel apart. So we were back to looking at frozen options. We took that opportunity to look into different sperm banks. A was pulled to the Sperm Bank of California because they are the only non-profit sperm bank and they offered a good number of identity release sperm (donor agrees to at least one contact when the child turns 18). We spent some time, although not as much as the first time, reviewing profiles and finally found a donor we both felt good about. Several IUIs later, we needed more sperm…and that’s when we bought the same donor Chris and Penny used. As I said above, I got pregnant the first try with that donor, so we ordered even more of him. We now have five vials on ice for child #2 (there was a time when I wanted three or four kids…and now I can barely imagine being pregnant one more time!). In general, I think switching up sperm can be a really good thing. Some people say only try three times with the same donor, I don’t think I’d try more than six cycles with the same. You just never know what will work.

Observations from today:

• Bowling while seven months pregnant is not the smartest thing to do. It was fun, but I didn’t realize how careful I would need to be, or how heavy the balls are, or how much your body twists while bowling. But I won.
• Moon is hiccuping for the first time (that I’ve noticed). Ok, A noticed it when I told her to come feel because the baby was moving a lot. She’s the smmmmmmart one. Wow. hiccups are cool.

Oh…and I am 30, that’s THIRTY weeks today! Holy crap! This baby really is coming soon!

It’s been a slow week over here at Two Moms. I haven’t really had much to say, and I’ve been tired, and we’ve been busy plowing through the 4th season of the L Word, which we did finish last night.

I’ve been on-call since Friday and while the weekend was quiet, things picked up once Monday rolled around. So far I’ve been called out the last two nights for mental health concerns for two different students. Last night’s call came at 2am and I didn’t get back to bed till 5am, so I am pretty low energy today and really hoping for a break tonight. It’s that time of the semester when students start to panic about the work they should have done, but have not. Some start to stress about the upcoming holidays and having to go home to bad family situations, or worse, not having a family to go home to. As someone who works at a college, I start to get excited because this time of year means several much needed breaks. Many students will leave over the weekend for Thanksgiving break and when they return there are only two weeks left of classes at which time they will leave for winter break…and I will be blessed with peace and quiet, a chance to catch up on all my work, and the time to make the final push to get everything organized so that when I do go out on maternity the person (still yet to be determined) will be able to pick up where I leave off.

In the name change department. A has done 99.9% of the work, as she tends to do around most things in our personal lives since my job occupies me more than any job every should. She recently asked me if it would be okay if she made me a “to do list” including pre-birth and names change things that I have to do (meaning she would do for me if she could, but they are things I personally have to do for one reason or another). Today, for the first time, I was able to cross several items off the list; I changed my name with our bank, had my Roth IRA name change notarized, and mailed both our Roth IRA name change paperwork. This was huge progress for me. We’re getting there…slowly but surely…and all thanks to A.

The update on my uncle is that his seizures let up a bit and he was moved from ICU to a regular room on Monday. More tests are run all the time. His doctors say it’s a miracle he is alive right now. They’ve only ever seen two people with this illness and both were dead with in days. He is a fighter. The down side is that we now know that if he does pull out and regain consciousness his cognitive capacity will not exceed a five year old.

Tonight I need to bake a pumpkin pie to take to our host family dinner tomorrow night. This is a gathering of all the families that host an international student on the campus we work at, and it’s our end of the semester dinner gathering. I really hope my pumpkin puree has defrosted enough to bake the pie. Friday night we are hosting a going away party for our good friends who are moving to Ohio next week. The reality of their move hit me today. I am so very sad. But the party should be fun. Saturday and Sunday we have our crash course in child birth. I am not really all that excited about it, but do see some merit in going. I think we’re supposed to go see our host student in a dance recital on Saturday night, but she has not emailed me the info yet, and honestly, I think I’ll be too tired to go…I am a bad bad bad host mother. At the end of this long, tiresome week we are finally going to get to meet The Parker Martin twins and their Moms aka, the babies conceived with the same donor as Moon! We’ve been chatting over email/blogs for a long time now and they are visiting the area we live so we are getting together for brunch (before CB classes) on Sunday. I can’t wait!

So there you have it, my week in a nutshell, and as the title says, a post about nothing in particular. Now I am off to bake a pie, I hope.

Not to laugh at me while pregnant! She finds great joy at laughing at how I breathe - for example, several times a night my breath comes out in a loud sigh, and it’s really just me trying to open my chest and move air through the legs jammed up my ribs. So while I am 7 months pregnant with our child…breathing as best as I can…she is sitting on the couch laughing at me.

Nice. Good thing the hormones are on a bit of a hiatus or else it could get ugly here!

I am joining in with several other bloggers to bring awareness to November being Infertility Awareness Month and the cost of infertility to individuals.

I do not have an infertility diagnosis per say, but I did require medical intervention to get pregnant. I say this because I am aware that while my struggle was painful, I know many more people have been through much much worse to achieve pregnancy, and some never do.

When A and I decided we were ready to build our family we found a midwife we wanted to work with and met with her to go over our options. I’d been charting for several months and we’d recently purchased our anonymous frozen sperm. We were optimistic and wanted the process to be as normal as possible. She told us I’d most likely be pregnant in 3-6 months and supported our desire to try at home for the first three months and reevaluate then if I was not pregnant.

The three months passed and I did not become pregnant. Trying at home was incredibly stressful. The entire experience was stressful, so much so that after the third attempt my cycles went annovulatory for months. We decided to take a big long break to reevaluate while I focused on bringing balance to my life in effort to get my body back to ovulating.

We were ready to try eight months later with a new plan - in office IUIs. We stocked up on sperm from a different sperm bank this time. The first cycle try fell during a very difficult time and while the sperm sat in the tank in our living room waiting for me to peak on my monitor, it became clear I was having another stress induced annovulatory cycle. This was devastating after having just taken eight months off to regulate my body. The swimmers went back into storage for another cycle and against medical advise, I only waited out one more cycle before starting to try again.

After all this time we’d come to a pretty clear conclusion that there was a correlation between stress and my ability to ovulate (and anyone who’s done any charting, or had any medical assistance in ttc, knows there is always an element of stress involved in the timing). In an effort to combat this stress we decided we’d try every other month in order to give my body a break between months. In November 2006 - one year and one month since we’d originally started trying - we began trying again with IUI.

Starting down the IUI path brought us hope, as was the case each time we did something different. At this point we just thought, well frozen sperm does not live as long so maybe we need to do IUI just to get it into my uterus and not waste it’s lifespan on swim time. You can make yourself believe anything when ttc.

IUI alone did not work. In February of this year I asked my midwife to do a complete fertility work up. She encouraged me to call my insurance to learn what they would cover. I live in a state with mandated infertility coverage. She told me not to reveal that I didn’t have a sperm source at home. I was delighted to find out that all my testing would be 100% covered: blood work, HSG, ultrasounds. That same cycle I began taking Clomid and was monitored with ultrasounds. The timing made it so we had to wait one more cycle for the HSG, and of course I hoped so much that I’d just get pregnant and not have to have the HSG. No such luck. My first IUI/Clomid cycle did not work and I moved on to have the HSG, which showed healthy tubes.

All my tests cam back normal. There was no reason that I could not get pregnant. Unexplained Infertility is how I’ve heard it referred as. In my world this meant insurance would not cover me. Let me back up and say, my first cycle with Clomid was emotionally exhauting. I did not know if I could do it a second time. So I asked my midwife to prescribe Fermara. I’d learned about it from all the online research I’d done and heard it was easier on the body than Clomid. Well apparently it’s not really an infertility drug and the people in her medical circle were not using it so she was not comfortable using. I begrudgingly agreed to another round of Clomid. At the same time she indicated that if it turned out I needed any higher dosage of Clomid or to move on to injectable medications, I’d have to go under the care of an RE because she could not provide the level of monitoring I would need. The thought of leaving my midwife was so very sad.

IUI number five, Clomid cycle number two, first try after HSG was our magic combination. I got pregnant, and am now seven months pregnant, anxiously awaiting the birth of our child. It was a long, at times painful journey. We’d gone so far as to start the adoption process, and even had our first safety home visit while in the tww that turned out to be a nine month wait. I was starting to believe I could not get pregnant and I had mapped out a plan to document enough in office attempts so that I would be eligible for IVF coverage through my insurance by January 2008.

The pain of trying and not achieving pregnancy, having so many bumps in the road, and having to rely on so many outside people to get pregnant was horrible. I am thankful for the assistance, but it was one of the most difficult things I’ve been through. And forced us to really figure out what we wanted. There were times when we discussed not having kids - thinking maybe it was not meant to be and envisioning what life would be like as just us. We had to explore all options. I could not have made it through this process with out the all the love and support of A and my family.

So what did it cost us? I did not keep track of it all precisely, but I estimate in the end we spent about $10,000 on sperm, medication, OPKs, and Fertility Monitor sticks. We were fortunate enough to work with a midwifery practice that did not charge us for IUIs. Not one dime. And some how all my ultrasounds (I believe 13 over the year and a half - I had some prior to Clomid for various reasons) were covered. All my IF testing was covered. $10,000 isn’t all that bad when I consider that many people do pay for the IUIs and the ultrasounds, or the more expensive IF medications (Clomid is pretty cheap). But it’s still a lot of money for us. I don’t know how far we would have gone, or how much we would have spent.

We’re so happy to be pregnant and we really want two children. We will try for our second child when the time is right, but I am not sure we’ll go to the same extremes. By this I mean, we’ll use the protocol that got me pregnant, but I am not sure we’ll be so open to venturing down the entire path that lead us to this pregnancy. I think we’ll be quicker to count this blessing and call ourselves a family of three. It was hell, and I am not willing to relive it.

9 weeks till full term…11 weeks till my due date…13 weeks till we will absolutely have this baby!

Here I am today at 29 weeks:

Time is flying…we’ve made a lot of progress on all the things we need to do before birth but still have a heap of name change stuff to complete, and also need to get working on filling out all the second parent adoption paperwork. But for tonight, we’re cuddling up to watch a birth video recommended by our doula…I really hope this is a good idea!

I hit 29 weeks today. This morning I said to A, you realize I could have this baby as soon as 9 weeks from now and it would be okay. Her response, does not compute. I think we’re both in shock at how fast this is approaching and at how much more stuff we need to get done before Moon arrives.

A and I met with our new lawyer today. We used a different lawyer for our KD contract back when we were using a KD. A local blogger recently referred us to this new lawyer. (Let me tell you, it’s been funny to answer the questions, and how were you referred? when asked by the receptionist and also by the lawyer.) This blogger went so far as to say this lawyer is the best where we live. This of course made me want to know more. So I poked around on the internet and then called to ask prices. I was pleased to learn the new lawyer was cheaper and seemed to be more reputable. She offered us a free consultation, we figured why not? We were not disappointed. I left the meeting feeling fully confident in her ability to make this as easy and affordable as possible. But more importantly, she felt human, and I felt I could ask questions and she took the time to make sure I understood everything. The other lawyer made me feel rushed, this lawyer did not rush us.

We set up the appointment wanting to talk about drafting wills and to get started on the second parent adoption paperwork. First and foremost we were happy to learn there are some ridiculously out dated laws (that were certainly not written to benefit same sex couples, but do nonetheless) still on the books that because of our legal marriage status, automatically entitles A as a legal parent of the child I birth, this is also the reason why her name can be on the birth certificate from birth. However, for lots of reasons, we both feel strongly we need t