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Last night I had a dream that I delivered a baby girl. This was the first dream since the morning had a +hpt after waking from a dream where I’d just gotten a +hpt. Now, this could be because we want a girl, or maybe it’s another psychic dream. It’s also pretty coincidental that just yesterday I told my cousin that I hadn’t had any pregnant dreams yet. When I spoke with A. today she said that one of our friends told her she recently had a dream that we had a girl…so who knows?!
We’ve gone back and fourth about finding out the sex at our ultra sound. I’ve gotten a lot of pressure to find out from my family, which kind of makes me not want to find out. I always said I wouldn’t find out and now that I can it’s so hard to wait. We’ve got it in our heads that we’re having a girl, so now the pull to find out is to prepare our selves if it’s a boy. Don’t get me wrong, all we REALLY want is a happy healthy baby. We have six weeks to decide and then the big question is, if we find out will we tell anyone? Can we keep the secret? I’ve seen the pink and blue explosions at baby showers and I really don’t want anything to do with that. But how can you avoid it when people know?
Decisions, decisions.
Um, we’ve got 200 days to go. We’re almost 1/3 of the way. This is all happening so fast. Woe. (Well since I got distracted and was not able to post this yesterday, now we’ve got 199 days!)
Also, I met baby August last week. She was so small and so precious! While I was holding her she had her eyes open and was looking all around. She seemed very engaged. Once A. started holding her she fell off to sleep. Both moms looked great and seemed to be transitioning into motherhood seamlessly.
We have a heart beat! As our midwife turned the doppler on and moved it towards my belly she warned us it could take a minute…but as soon as it hit my belly we heard it!!!!!! It was the most amazing, wonderful, reassuring sound I’ve ever heard! It was between 160 and 170 beats per minute - and there was only one (phew). I am still in shock that I have this little thing in me that has it’s own heart beat…and that we created it. This just keeps getting more and more amazing!
All my tests except my iron test came back normal. My iron was on the lowest of what is okay and because it will get lower as the pregnancy goes on, my MW said I need to try to correct it through my diet and if that does not work I’ll need an iron supplement. Aside from when I was so sick, eating a balanced diet has been the hardest thing for me during this pregnancy. After leaving the appointment today I felt like I am not getting enough iron and calcium.
All in all it was a great appointment!
1. Everything takes longer to do.
2. Everything make me tired.
3. I reject the medicalization of pregnancy and childbirth. Everyone that doesn’t tries to push What to Expect When You’re Expecting down my throat. Seriously, everyone asks if I have it. I am ready to get a copy so I can say yes and move on…
4. Food is the most important thing right now.
5. People always ask me how I am feeling and touch my belly.
6. Did I mention I am tired?
I am a person that has always had problems sleeping. Falling asleep, staying asleep, waking early, etc.
In pregnancy, I am sleeping so well. I’ve never consistently had this much good sleep (I know, enjoy it now…) even with the six trips to the bathroom per night, I fall right back to sleep. My wife on the other hand, well I guess my good sleep translates into lots of moving around and her sleep has been sadly destroyed- she used to be the good sleeper.
What do they have in common?
They are the two healthy foods that have made me the sickest while pregnant!
I thought in an effort to balance out my ice cream lunch I’d eat carrots and broccoli for a snack. Bad idea. Very bad idea. I give up trying to be healthy.
I ventured out to do some errands today and as I started to get hungry, I headed home to make lunch, but some how I found myself at an ice cream stand and instead had a cone of chocolate brownie ice cream! It was so good!!! I think I could live on ice cream.
That stands for birthday and anniversary, but I must give credit to my friend H. who coined the term! My birthday had ups and downs. A. and I enjoyed the morning. She showered me with gifts. I was so surprised to receive some photographs I’d taken last winter that she’d had framed, as well am excited for our double pedicures today. She also gave me the National Geographic video, In The Womb. We’d watched it once a long time ago - as in the cycle before we started trying! It was really cool to watch it now that I’ve got something in my womb! I think the most meaningful gift she gave me was when she came home on Saturday with fresh off the highway plucked lupines (see picture to the left). They are my favorite flower and I was really sad that I was not going to see them since I couldn’t go to Maine and they don’t grow here. Our morning continued when we went out for bagels…I know such an exciting birthday breakfast, but that’s what my tummy wanted. I made a big mistake at lunch time…I ate an apple with my very safe pb&j sandwich, which made me sick. How does an apple make one soooo sick. We had plans to go out to eat dinner with some friends and I really should have canceled but I am stubborn and went. It was fun to see people and get out of the house, but I had to come home as soon as dinner was over because, yes, I was sick. What I’ve learned is that I feel great in the morning and as the day goes on, I tend to get sicker and sicker. At least now I know to plan things for the mornings and leave my afternoon and evening open. Tomorrow is our three year wedding anniversary, that’s where the birthaversary comes in. A. is home from work today and I am going to try to head to the Cape tomorrow to see cousins visiting from Alaska, so we decided to celebrate today. A had this card (see last paragraph of the post) framed for us. It’s our first baby room decoration! Oh and our friend, H. had an article about our wedding framed for us too! (This was the year of framed things). A newspaper ran a story on us when we got married, complete with color photos. It looks so great framed!
Right now A and I were supposed to be en route to our favorite get away to celebrate my birthday. Instead, I am sitting at home, unshowered, in my pjs, feeling nauseous and tired. Having just sucked down a smoothy - the most nutritious thing I’ve consumed in days, I am contemplating going back to bed for my second nap of the day (it’s 2pm). A is on her way home from Maine. My family is having a party I can’t go to tonight, and tomorrow will be my last birthday in the 20s. The first trimester sucks ass. So instead of a birthday party, I’m throwing myself a pity party this year.
A and I had our first prenatal appointment this morning. We were so excited to see our MW after all this time and it was odd not to be lugging a heavy tank with tiny vials in it. We woke early and since we wanted to avoid the effing bridge traffic (I’ve heard reports of it taking upwards of an hour to cross the bridge with the road widening construction) we decided to head into Northampton to have breakfast at one of our favorite spots. It was yummy!
Our MW greeted us with hugs and congratulations. We chatted for a bit about how I’ve been feeling and we asked a few questions and she went over my health and family history that I’d previously provided. Then we talked about some logistics: blood work needed, the next appointment, etc. We had hoped to try to hear the heart, but she said it’s too early, and that at next month’s appointment we’ll hear it. She gave me an EDD of January 24, 2008! Which is right around what I’ve been thinking, but I’m going by what she says and that makes me 7w1d! She said all my symptoms sound great and are a sign of healthy pregnancy and she said it’s okay that I am not eating a balanced diet, at least I am getting some food in. That was a relief because I’ve been feeling really guilty about my lack of veggies and other nurturing food, but I just can’t stomach them right now. She said soon enough I will.
It’s real, it’s really really real. We’re pregnant! Wow. I’m still in shock some times.
A left for Maine shortly after we got home. We decided I should stay home since I’ve been feeling so crappy and the car makes me feel worse (and a lot of the driving is on winding back roads…). She’ll only be away over night so I can manage.
Happy Friday and happy weekend, everyone!
Sorry for the radio silence. I am stuck between a place where I don’t want to alienate people by only writing about my pregnancy and feeling so sick that I don’t have the energy to write…
Things were going just fine up until about a week ago, and then the morning sickness (and that’s a big joke, cause it’s all day) kicked in. I went from eating everything in sight to not being able to eat. And I am soooo hungry, but everything makes me nauseous, well everything except toast and saltines. And I have to plan my day around my naps.
I am a blubbering, hungry, pregnant mess.
A. has been so unbelievably understanding. She is doing so much for me and us. I am so tired that I can’t do simple things around the house anymore, and she’s doing nearly everything. Last night she cooked one of my favorite summer dinners. I took two bites and my stomach turned. How’s that for gratitude? Even worse - today I had to ask her to cancel our reservation at our favorite inn that she had booked for my birthday this weekend. We’d planned to attend her brother’s graduation Friday and then leave Saturday to spend two nights at our inn. But given how horrible I feel, I don’t want to go. And I know all the driving will make me more sick.
And now she’s out buying me motion sickness wrist bands and anything bland she can find at Whole Foods in hopes that I will be able to eat real food tonight! I tell you, the first trimester is hell! That said, we are both very excited to have our first midwife appointment this Friday. I am not sure what to expect. We have a list of questions going. Any suggestions on what we should be asking?
……..
I did manage to have a blast at blog bash (although I was fading towards the end, sorry). It was fun to meet new people. And to get hang out with everyone. I think we should do it more often! I am always game for meeting bloggers so if you’re passing through these parts drop me an email or comment.
That’s really all I have. I promise that some day soon I will compose an intelligent post that has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Ok, I’ve held back the “I can only conceive once in a blue moon” sentiments long enough. You may remember I conceived on the first full moon of this month, and tonight we are having a second full moon. The second full moon in a month is a blue moon. Since all this lunar stuff is so fascinating to me I did a little more research into this month’s blue moon. I wanted to know just how big a deal it really is - how often it happens. I was shocked to learn that the last blue moon occurred when I first started charting in late July, 2004! Hell, at least I know not to bother trying on typical lunar months if I end up having our second child!
A. and skipped out of work early on Friday to get a jump start on our long weekend. We ended up leaving later than we anticipated - think crucial bike rack part, sadly falls into a sewer drain, and after several attempts to make the rack still work, the 100 degree weather pushed us over the edge and the bikes stayed home…We made it to the Cape with only one extra hour of travel (not bad for a holiday weekend). Once there we relaxed all weekend. My fatigue has only worsened, and I spent a lot of time napping. When I was not sleeping, I was eating
On Saturday we took our nephew to the beach. It was a gorgeous day. We didn’t stay long because we hadn’t planned a beach weekend (no beach gear), and because with out beach gear, this prego couldn’t stay in the hot sun (all of a sudden I’ve realized my summer may not consist of long relaxing days at the beach, I’m trying to deal with that). Nephew was adorable and had a lot of fun throwing rocks in the water and playing.
Sunday a friend came down to visit and we took another ride to the beach, then out to dinner. Monday we were up early and took our friend to Provincetown, his first time there! It was fun to walk the streets and feel the energy of summer’s opening weekend.
A. and I took today off so as to avoid the horrendous Cape traffic. It was the perfect amount of time to be there. Sadly, I started to feel sick on the way home, and continue to have this annoying queasiness in my tummy. I go back and fourth with how I feel about these pregnancy symptoms. On one hand, I am just happy and grateful to be pregnant and hope I don’t sound like a whiny bit@h and at the same time the sick, tired, and hungry feelings reassure me that I am still pregnant and things are going as they should be. If I felt fine, I’d worry about the development. But on the other hand, do I have to feel so effing horrible? I have no energy and feel sick. A. is wonderful and is supporting me so well. I really hope the second trimester is as good as they say it is, cause the first just sucks.
Back to work tomorrow. Only seven more days of work until I’m on summer break. I am sooooo excited!
I could do with out pregnancy induced exhaustion. It just comes and goes from day to day making it really hard to be effective at work. Earlier this week I had one of those days where I came home at 4:30 and crawled into bed for the night. Ever since I’ve felt fine and had lots of energy. As I woke up this morning I was already exhausted and I’ve come to realize that I can tell from the moment I wake if it’s going to be a tired day or an energized day. I am particularly bummed about being tired today because I am the only one in the office and I had grand plans of getting a good chunk of my end of the year work done. And after work we are traveling to my parents for the weekend. But I know this will be a day when all I want to do is sleep.
A. has three co-workers who’ve all had babies in the last two years- two of whom birthed very recently. For this reason it was really hard for her not to tell all her co-workers almost immediately. Mine are still sans clue (which could get interesting seeing that we work at the same college). I am on the same track as two of them and they have already begun to hand us down their pregnancy related stuff! This week alone we’ve been given two winter snugly things, maternity clothes (and they are really nice and luckily we have similar body types so they should fit), a book, and prenatal yoga video. It’s like we’ve had a little baby Christmas here! It’s so cool how the pregnancy community is so excited so share and pass along pregnancy necessities. It’s truly unique. Just this morning I told A. I was going to send all my left over sticks (CBFM, OPKS, HPTS) to a certain someone once I make it to the second trimester. I guess all this sharing has to do with how excited we are to support each other through every stage of the process. Once you make it to the next step, you want to do everything you can to support others along their journeys.
Out side of hand-me-downs I’ve also been perusing Craig’s List and Freecycle. In fact, I’ve been a little quiet about this because I realize it’s a bit crazy, but just after I learned I was pregnant I saw the exact stroller that I wanted on Craig’s List. It retails for $450, which I would never pay, but I got it, five months old, for literally a fraction of the price! I know it’s early, but I could not pass it up, or else I’d forever kick myself. I am especially excited about the reversible handle. I know I am a dork. 
Well two and a half to be precise. No this has nothing to do with the apple seed growing in me, it’s my count down till my summer break!!! Two weeks from this Thursday is my last day of work till August. Graduation was Saturday and the students moved out on Sunday. I love this time of year, when we have the campus to ourselves and we can sleep with the windows open with out hearing students walk below our windows. And the effing bell has stopped ringing - a graduation rite of passage here. After students pass their thesis they ring the bell…and keep ringing it…and ring it in the middle of the night. It gets to the point where you can’t tell if the bell is ringing or not. But now, it’s so quiet so very very quiet! Ordinarily once the students leave we’d enjoy a beer on our deck, but not this year.
I am soooo ready for this break! This school year was really difficult. We opened over capacity with hundreds of students in temporary housing - both on and off campus. I had two new supervises. I also went form having 250 to 500 students. My first on call weekend was the second worst/busiest in three years. Monday morning I turned my pager off for at least three months and waved good bye to the few remaining students. Some how we all made it to this date, when we can start to relax as we try to tie up all the loose ends before heading out for the summer. Per usual I have another years worth of crazy stories but the I think the best story of this year was learning some of my students were collecting road kill to skin and then make a fur-lined keyboard. I kid you not. It was gross. And the carcasses were discovered the same day we had our first adoption home visit, thank god the inspector did not see them!
A. and I are getting away for this weekend. The first of our summer travel plans. In a couple more weeks we’ll head to Maine for A.’s brother’s high school graduation and then on to New Hampshire for a little birthday / wedding anniversary get away. Once home from that I head to the Cape for the summer, with A. joining as she can. She hates that I leave her, but maybe this summer she’ll be happy since she won’t have to take care of my pregnant self so much! Have I mentioned that I am tired and she caters to my ever need? Love that woman.
I am five weeks today. Holy cow. In the week that’s passed since learning I am pregnant I’ve experienced a lot of changes. The biggest being my sore and swollen breast (had to buy a new bra tonight), exhaustion (but it’s becoming more manageable), and a huge increase in appetite. I had three dinners tonight! First I had left over curry as a pre-dinner snack. Then A. and I went out shopping before going to our friend’s for a BBQ, and I had to get a slice of pizza. When we got to the BBQ I ate two burgers, pasta salad, and cake. While I am satisfied, I am still not full. Where is all this food going? I’ve never experienced anything like it.
The whole pregnancy thing is slowly settling in. Today I was remembering how amazing last Tuesday morning was when we found out I am pregnant. How overjoyed we were. And on some level how terrified we were. It was the most exciting day. I am trying to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I am nervous and anxious to make it out of the first trimester. I am thinking positive but there is a part of me that’s a bit anxious. I also know this may be my one and only pregnancy, and I want to enjoy it as much as I can. So when I want to fast forward time and just get to January, I try to remind myself to relax and enjoy this time.
Meet Moon’s half bio siblings (as in we used the same donor).
A. called the sperm bank last night to report our pregnancy and to order more of the same donor for later use (hopefully she’ll post about the weird conversation). We were the 10th family to get pregnant by him (with something like 13 babies in all) and as the 10th family, we’ve officially closed him! At first they were reluctant to sell us more sperm because his inventory is low and they said the vials available through the sibling registry are only open to us after birth, but in the end they changed their mind and we are buying three more vials to add to our two in storage. Five tries for a bio sibling…but let’s get through this pregnancy first…
I’ve been wanting to write about how this cycle was different and how we went into it knowing it would work. But, I seem to have pregnancy induced amnesia so I kept forgetting what it was I wanted to write about. Lucky A’s brain still works.
This was our first try post HSG, which has statistically been known to increase one’s chances of conceiving. It was also our first try with our new donor, and I’ve heard that switching up the sperm can also do the trick. It was also my second Clomid cycle, and I’ve been told it can take a few cycles before the magic kicks in. In short, we thought all of these things could only work to help us. We also decided we needed to channel every positive morsel in our bodies to will this to happen.
From cd1, I imagined myself pregnant. Literally. I pretended I was pregnant. I treated my body as I imagined I would if I were pregnant and went with it. I even started to think I was pregnant. We talked a lot about how this would be our month. We enjoyed the days before the serious charting started and I vowed to stop temping at 3dpo to help minimize the stress. I reluctantly took Clomid, and made it through with out any side effects. My ultrasounds were all great - starting out with three potential eggs and ending in one big one (phew, pretty sure this is a singleton pregnancy). For the second time ever I got a +opk in advance of a peak on the monitor, which helped our timing immensely.
Our IUIs were perfectly timed and my MW was on call for them (love it when I get her). I was convinced I would ovulate sometime around midnight, so she agreed to meet us in the evening, ensuring the sperm would live long enough to meet my egg. After the IUI she spent a good 45 minutes with us as I laid on the table, feet in the air - this is much longer than most of the MW’s ever waited. When we got home, A. insisted I sit with my feet up as she folded laundry. After all I was in the process of getting pregnant.
I did in fact ovulate that night, during a full moon. The full moon was a huge sign for me. Some folklore suggests sleeping with the light of a full moon shining on you helps induce ovulation. You better believe we slept by the moonlight. My thermal shift confirmed ovulation in the morning, but we still opted for a second IUI, I wanted to make sure we got the most out of this post HSG cycle (having missed the first cycle after the HSG). Our MW was once again happy to meet us at 8am to do the second IUI.
We spent the next eight or so days talking about how I was getting pregnant. This was the first time I’d made it past 4dpo with out losing hope. The implant spotting that I may have had and cramping furthered our excitement. Of course by 11dpo, I felt what I thought was my period coming on and fell into my crying spell, later known as my first pregnancy induced crying fit. Mother’s day crushed my soul this year. I expected to start spotting the next day, as I had nearly every 12dpo. When it didn’t happen I decided to take a test the next morning. And you all know the rest of this story.
Since learning that I am pregnant, I have felt a range of emotions. Mostly I still can’t believe it’s happened. It’s really bizarre to not get my period, I’ve lived with my period for the last 18 years. So to all of a sudden have a break is just weird. I am uber conscious of what I am eating. So far I only desire healthy food. Wine used to be my best friend, and I don’t miss it (I am sure the day will come).
I’ve come to realize, that I am already a mom, every choice I make right now impacts the baby, and I already want to do everything in my power to grow and nurture a healthy baby. I’ve felt some cramping and that serves to remind me there is something living and growing inside me. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that freaks me out a little. My breasts are rapidly growing and hurt. A lot. I see many new and bigger bras in my future. And I’ve been exhausted. I mean, I can hardly make it through the work day. Thankfully I’ll be on summer break in three weeks and won’t go back to work till I am well into the second trimester, which is supposed to be better for energy levels. Other than that I fell fine. My mother reports she didn’t have any morning sickness…let’s hope I am so lucky.
We’re both thrilled and can’t stop talking about it. We took some time to think about our pet name for our embryo, and given the full moon on ovulation we’re going with Moon Beam or Moon for short. It’s taken extraordinary efforts to get here with lots of help from the universe so this seems fitting. Oh, and the final leap of faith I took- while looking for a birthday card for my father I picked up a card with a sky scene and the following message: Some star you may not even see yet is sparkling in the corner of the sky. Knowing this was going to be the cycle, I bought it and tucked it away. I just pulled it out last night and to show A. for the first time.
So there you have it, the journey to our little Moonbeam.
Thank you to EVERYONE for all your well wishes!
I’ve had a hard time figuring out how to write this post. I don’t want this blog to ooze baby all the time, but I do want to share some of my thoughts and experiences of the last two days. So here goes, sorry if this is a little scattered.
I went to bed on Monday night planning to take a test with FMU in the morning. Some time in the night I dreamt that the test came back positive. I was so happy in the dream. I remember thinking in my sleep how amazing it felt to see two pinks lines and to feel the emotions that ensued. In a half sleep state I felt sad, because part of me couldn’t believe that dream could come true. Then, I woke to pee at 4:30, I thought it was kind of early, but FMU is FMU and I was not going to waste it. So I peed in the cup and dipped the stick. A. woke and needed to use the bathroom as well. As I let her in and started to make my way out, I start to see something on the test. But really I thought I was making it up. When she was ready I went back in and sure enough there were two pink lines. The second was faint, but I’d heard over and over a line is a line, no matter how faint, and after all these are not opks we’re working with! We both stood there, at 4:30am, in utter shock. Most of what we did and said is a blur. One things was for sure, we were not going back to bed, we were too excited.
After spending a couple hours telling ourselves we’re going to have a baby, we decided we should go out to breakfast and buy a digital test on the way home. We went to our favorite little hole in the wall spot. And when the waitress asked if we both wanted coffee I didn’t know what to say. I opted for water. As she walked away I told A. “I am really good at ttc, but I have no idea how to be pregnant.” After breakfast we went to four stores looking for a digital test before finding one that was open (this was all before 8am). We raced home and I took it. As soon as I saw pregnant I let myself believe I really was pregnant. I had not gotten a false positive, there was no mistaking it, I was pregnant.
I phoned my mom as soon as the second test confirmed the first. Last we’d talked was mother’s day when I cried hysterically and told her I was not pregnant. I said something like, “well it turns out I was so emotional Sunday because I am pregnant.” And she screamed! I mean a blood-curdling scream that went on for about a minute. I asked her if she was okay and if she was in public. Lucky she was okay and alone at her house. She was so happy. She exclaimed, “oh we need to go maternity clothes shopping and baby shopping.” When I told her I didn’t need mat clothes just yet she said “so what, wear them anyway!” Then she started in on all the questions, what names are you thinking of, are you going to find out what it is? (Wish I replied, pretty sure it’s a baby.) And I told her I didn’t know, but probably not. She hated that. She does not understand why anyone would not find out the sex. And she reminded me she’ll pester me all the way through. I reminded her she’s been my mother for 28, almost 29 years and I was well aware of this fact.
A. and I both struggled to get any work done yesterday. The whole day I wanted to google pregnancy stuff and start to educate myself about this side of the journey. And I was really tired. I told a couple co-workers who knew I’d been trying. I wanted to tell everyone and really struggled not to. We don’t have a rule about who and when. We decided we’ll tell as we want. And at the same time everyone does not need to know just yet. I buy into the idea that if anything goes wrong, I will want people supporting me. I also spread the news to a couple good friends and a cousin, all of whom called me and it was so fun to talk to them. And my cousin let me know that she woke that morning just knowing I was pregnant, only to log into her FF chart and learn that I was - how weird!
Today was my brother’s birthday, so I waited to call him and broke the news by telling him I had a very special birthday present, but it was going to be about 9 months late. He exclaimed, “finally, cousins!” (For his son and baby on the way.) Then I called SIL (brother was driving to work when I called him) and asked her if my nephew was ready to be a cousin? She was shocked. I think she thought I’d never get pregnant. My nephew yelled babies and cousin in the background.
So in a very short time we’ve managed to tell quite a few people. It’s so fun though, and it’s also fun to have this little secret. As I sat in staff meeting today, I was so aware of how different I was, yet all but two had no idea. I am done with work in three weeks so my plan is to return in August and greet everyone with a big ‘ol belie.
I have more thoughts on how I feel different and how special this time feels, but I am exhausted. So I will save that for another post.
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