Monthly Archive

It’s a quiet New Year’s Eve in our home this year, and that’s just what I wanted. Each day I tire easier and easier and by afternoon my energy is almost depleted, so going out, in any fashion tonight is out of the question. We’d considered going to the local fireworks, but after returning home this afternoon, and walking through the cold and wind from the car to the house, we decided to put on our pjs and settle in for the night. There’s a pot of chili cooking on the stove and soon corn bread will be baking in the oven. It’s so very quiet here and we are enjoying being. I can’t imagine a better New Year’s Eve for this particular time in our lives.

A posted her year in review. I am far too scattered of a writer to synthesize a whole year in any coherent manner, so I’ve decided not to try. I will say that 2007 will forever be the year we FINALLY achieved our baby dreams. As long as I live, I will always remember the utter shock I experienced on May 15th, 2007 at 4:30am after receiving our first +hpt. It feels like just yesterday that we were standing speechless in the bathroom, staring at the +hpt. We hugged and kissed, and I think we were mostly in disbelief that it was really happening. My pregnancy defined much of the remainder of 2007.

It’s been an amazing journey. 2008 holds much change for us. The biggest, of course, the birth of Moon, but also a career change for A, a move “back home” to plant roots and to raise our kid(s) near family, and me stepping off my career path in search of something new, or maybe just to indulge in a long break from higher education. Eight hours of this year remain and tomorrow we’ll enter Moon’s “due month”, the kicks, turns, and somersaults, I feel as I type will soon be felt on the outside. Our time together will change, and A will, as she said recently, know how Moon is with out having to ask me. I’m ready. I’m ready to meet Moon, to hold him/her on the outside and I am ready for A to hold Moon and continue her bonding process.

2007 was super, but 2008 will be great! (Sorry…I couldn’t resist!)

I wish everyone a happy and safe holiday!

Ummm there are car seats in our cars! I’ve installed car seats in my car for our nephews many times before - both the infant and the convertible types. And always with no problem. I never understood why everyone makes such a big fuss about how hard it is and then has their worked checked at the fire station. It’s always been so easy. But somehow when you’re installing your baby’s car seat, and you’re nine months pregnant, it becomes the biggest, hardest thing you’ve ever done. Or, you at least spend a good amount of time second guessing if you’ve got it right.

The infant seat our nephew just outgrew is in the car I primarily drive. That one was easy to put in because it’s a new car and has the LATCH system, so with two snaps and a little tugging it was set (though there is a part of me that wonders if it’s totally secure). Our other seat, a Britax convertible, is in the car A primarily drives, and set up for infant use. We figured it would be good to have a back up and that car has All Wheel Drive, which we often need this time of year. However, fitting the huge Britax into the tiny Subaru was, well challenging to say the least. The Subaru was not made to host such a gigantic car seat … oh well, it will be moved to the bigger car as soon as the baby outgrows the infant seat.

Having just installed the seats, the reality that we’ll have some form of car seat / booster in our car for at least the next five years is just, um, a little more than I can comprehend.

It’s only been four days since Christmas and I have yet to post all about our holiday and by now I am not sure it’s worth posting about. But here goes…

We had a wonderful last holiday with out a baby. We spent four nights at my parents house (despite the uncomfortable bed situation…) and gleaned lots and lots of quality time with our nephews, which is what we were most excited about. Nephew #1 was so much fun this year. He is almost three and it was the first year he “got it.” This, of course put the magic back in the holiday for all of us. I enjoyed visiting with family members one last time before having the baby, and it was special to receive gifts for “baby” and “cousin.” We also hauled home a bunch of hand me down baby gear that our nephews have outgrown (infant car seat, bassinet to keep on our first floor, tons of clothing!). Oh, and while most people we saw think I am having a boy, based on how I am carrying (which I am not sure I buy into), Nephew #1 is certain it’s a girl. I’m still getting the boy vibe.

Christmas was a mellow day for us. We did the traditional present exchange in the morning, with Nephew #1 opening everyone’s presents for them, followed by a big breakfast, and then lots of napping, followed by a big dinner. We don’t do any running around and my parents keep the number of people coming for dinner to a minimum, since our immediate family has grown to six adults and two kids, plus a few more. I have really come to like the smaller gatherings. Everyone is far more relaxed. When I was younger we often had both my father and mother’s siblings and their kids, plus other friends. And I loved it as a kid. Now the more people, the more my parents stress, the less fun it is for everyone…so small has become my preference. This has been balanced by hosting a more casual gathering on Christmas Eve, which A and I took over this year. For me, the night before Christmas is more fun, and filled with anticipation, so I prefer visiting with extended family on Christmas Eve.  All in all, I felt blessed to spend time with so many family and friends over the holiday, and to hold on to moments of my life as I know it, before the baby turns our world upside down.

A and I traveled home the day after Christmas and spent the whole next day running errands before our friend came to visit for two nights (There were lots of errands, but the highlight was getting A a new cell phone, which is way fancy and cool. As she drove us home I was playing with the gadgets on it and found it has a stop watch function. It took me more than a minute before realizing this would be helpful to time contractions as we’ve recently begun to wonder how we’d do that since neither of us own a watch. Cool, eh.) That was the same day I started to come down a cold that is starting to kick my but. It was great to see our friend, so much fun really. And he was super understanding of me feeling under the weather, and also of my pregnant state, but man, was it still exhausting to host. At times I was too tired to talk. As soon as he left this afternoon, I just felt a bit more relaxed. I’ve never felt so exhausted while hosting and it was a good preview for after the baby, and also reinforced the need for boundaries around guests.

A had her last class EVER today! She’s home now, putting all her school stuff away. We don’t go back to work till Wednesday of next week, and then Friday is her last day at her job! She starts student teaching the following Monday! I can’t believe we’re at this transition! I can’t believe we’re about to live on one income! I can’t believe we’re about to have a baby! It’s all happening so fast. Like we’ve been climbing a hill for months on end, and now the avalanche of change is tumbling down.

28 days till my estimated due date. That’s the same amount of time as a normal menstrual cycle. Woe.

Christmas was great as was spending time with family. More on all of that later. I am getting sick now, which is totally pissing me off because our very good friend is heading into town today to stay with us for a few days. We were supposed to tour the hospital today, but I feel too crappy so we’re putting it off for now. Blah!

In the good new department…Cali may be expecting! As we all say a line is a line. And I can’t wait for tomorrow’s beta!

Nephew #2 will have a stocking after all! Given that it does not usually take too long for me knit a Christmas stocking, I sure took a long time to finish this one. Life, it’s just been too busy. But here it is all ready to hang with the rest. I can’t imagine what it will be like to knit our baby’s stocking next year! I better start as soon as we have a name!

For eleven blissful days. I don’t have to go into work tomorrow as I previously thought! I am so excited! And sooooooooooo freaking in need of this break. That’s all I have to say!

call in sick today. I hadn’t felt any Braxton Hicks contractions until this week. Earlier in the week I started experiencing what felt like mild period cramps low in my pelvic area. Turns out they were BHs. Last night, about an hour before going to bed, they came on pretty strong, along with backache. It feels like I am going to get my period. I continued to feel crampy through the night. Between the crampiness, backache and baby gymnastics in my uterus, I feel like a truck ran me over. I really really really wish I didn’t have to go to work today, and I wish more that maternity leave philosophically and practically encompassed more than the postnatal period. I am overwhelmed at the thought of working another month. Sure I could eat up some of my maternity leave before the baby arrives, but I know I will need it all after the baby comes. So I push forward. And I am getting to the miserable state, and I am not as pleasant to be around.

I am super busy at work this week, exhaustion has set in and I’ve not kept up on blogging. And I am frantically trying to finish knitting Nephew #2’s Christmas stocking, which I plan to do tonight…and hopefully the finishing decorative touches will happen tomorrow night, right after I go buy the things I need to do the decorative touches (and then we leave town Saturday). And while I am talking about work…we hired a temp to cover my maternity leave! This has been quite a process and I am so glad it’s working out!!!!

Thank you, everyone that has weighed in on names. It’s so fun to hear what you all think. Sorry to be so secretive about the names we are considering. We’re just not cool with putting them out to the internet at large. You’ve given us a lot to think about. Perhaps when the baby is born there will be a password protected post with the first name. Maybe.

I am 35 weeks today. And I feel it. I am just more tired, and move really sloooooooooooow, and get sore easily. Sleeping is getting harder. I am sleeping in longer chunks than I was a few weeks ago, but it’s not deep sleep and I wake to reposition often. My cat INSISTS that the bottom part of the Snoogle pillow, the part that curves tightly to come from your back to between your legs, is her bed. Every time I wake up, she has climbed back in there and I have to move her. I got our Boppy nursing pillow out for her, hoping that would satisfy her, but nooooooo (though the other cat loves it). I think she wants my body heat and the pillow since I currently sleep with the room at about 50 degrees (and I always wake with no covers on, and yes the air conditioner is still in the window - guess we’ll have to remove it before the baby comes, but for now I like it cold).

We met with our favorite midwife yesterday and she confirmed with out a doubt the baby is head down. We’ve thought so for a while, but now we know for sure. Everything else is going well. She seemed a little surprised that we’re traveling for Christmas, but I did ask her a long time ago if it would be okay and she said yes as long as everything is going well. And it is. I would be so very depressed to stay home this Christmas. So we’re going ahead with our plans to travel three hours by car.

Tomorrow begins mine and A’s 11 day vacation! (Sort of, I have to work a few hours Saturday morning…but I’m ignoring this fact). I am ready for the time off. I hope it gives me a chance to catch up and rest. I fear that all the running around I am doing at work these days is going to leave me exhausted when it comes time to actually have this baby. The break will be nice and maybe I will be able to hold onto the vacation feeling until I have the baby. We’ll be at my parent’s from Saturday through Wednesday and then once we return home a very good friend is coming to visit Thursday through the weekend. I don’t think we’ve seen him since we were in our last tww and we wanted one more visit pre-baby. Our New Years plans fell through, but that’s really okay with me. I’d rather not have a plan and just see what happens. When I told A this she said she thinks I am afraid of commitment and can’t believe I married her. Ha ha. I’m not afraid of commitment, it’s just that I don’t really like schedules. And honestly, I am not sure I will have any energy to do anything on New Years.

Okay…I am off to finish knitting the stocking.

Is it bad that we are roughly five weeks from D-day and we really have no idea what we’d name our kid? We managed to work out the last name dilemma by hyphenating. And we know for a girl the middle name will be Cecile, for A’s Memay, and Joseph for a boy, after my Uncle. But dammed if we can decide on first names.

For the last month or so I’ve been getting a serious boy vibe. We have two boy names. I like both of them, A really likes one better than the other. But we both wish we had more boy names in the running. We’ve read the name book over and over and just don’t like any more names.

Our once very long girl name list has been narrowed down to three. One of which has been a favorite for years but we’ve seen it grown in popularity while we took forever to get pregnant. We don’t want our kid to have six other kids in her class with the same name. But we love the name and it has symbolic meaning to us. Then we thought we ‘discovered’ a name and we both really like it. But after logging on to Fertility Friend this morning and looking at the “Due in December” board, there’s already been two babies born and named with our popular and our discovered name!

We are starting to feel crazy. Why is naming so freaking hard? I know we are making it harder on ourselves because we really want unique but not out there names. Hard to freaking come by. So please, leave a comment and suggest some names.

A is currently sorting through our CDs, weeding out the ones we can get rid of. This one was too precious not to share. It’s a circa 2000 mix from my brother. The message from him reads:

E.,

Music for your computer. It won’t work in a regular CD player. Use it in your CD drive. You may have to download “windows” winamp player.

Enjoy.

Love,

T.

Winamp?! Seriously! And why has it been sitting next to our CD player forever?! Sorting through CDs has been the most humorous of all our sorting projects.

Okay, so after my whiny post about my swollen self I did get up make a pancake breakfast. It was yummy but then my feet/legs hurt again so I went back to my elevated leg position. But there is still extreme nesting to get done and time is running out. (As my dear dear friend who lives in Alaska and is a labor and delivery nurse said to me “oh we see women having babies at 34 weeks all the time.” Then last night she said “so you’re trying to hold out at least another three weeks?” No, I am hoping for at least another five or six more weeks!!!!)

Today’s project: sort through books. Donate the ones we’ll never read again and box up the ones we want to keep (we have a long list of things we’re hauling to my parent’s house when we visit for Christmas, and books are on that list. The majority of our books are in the craft room, which I should really start calling the packing room since it’s mostly cleaned out and just has piles of things we’re keeping just waiting to be boxed up. The reason I tell you this is so you understand there’d be no place for me to sit in that room. So, I sat, feet up in the living room on the first floor, signed into iChat (video), while A signed into iChat upstairs. She’d pick up a book and we’d evaluate it. The criteria for remaining in our lives is pretty simple, will we ever read it again? We’re getting rid of sooooooooooo many books (and a huge bookshelf), I am so excited to not move them AGAIN! We’ve moved many of these books four times.

So, yeah, I pretty much think this whole we’re having a baby and moving across the state thing has really turned into some material worthy of our own reality show. The only thing left to do is our kitchen. I can’t tell you how good it feels to de-clutter our lives. Once the kitchen is done we can move onto the more tasky things left on the “to do” list.

It’s 9:08am.

We are covered in more snow and ice.

My feet and hands decided to swell up last night.

I need to sit with my feet elevated.

I am so bored.

I don’t want to play on the internet.

I don’t want to knit.

This feels like an extreme case of cabin fever.

And now it’s 9:10am.

This pregnancy thing is hard. It only gets harder every day. Slowly I’ve become less useful around our house. It takes just about all I’ve got to make it to work each day. When I get home I am exhausted, physically and mentally. There is no way I could do this with out A.

I am the pregnant one, so I get all the glory. All the how are you feeling? And all the other special attention. What the world does not know is how much she does for us, and how that has been integral in growing our baby. She pretty much runs our house and never complains. She cooks most of our meals. This was mostly true pre preg but the deal then was that I did the dishes. Now there are times when she cooks and then insists I not clean up, because she can tell I am too tired. She has become the solo grocery shopper recently, saving me the pain of wandering aimlessly up and down the food aisles. She keeps up on laundry. She manages our “to do” lists. She takes care of the cats - this is no small job in our house. It entails the litter box, monitoring our sick boy’s digestive functions and giving him four medicines a day, and then the usual food and water. She calls all the places we need to call and does things like take our car in to be fixed when needed. I’m sure I am forgetting things…but you get the point, she’s doing it all. And she is exhausted too. And let’s not forget, she is both working and going to grad school full time! (And she just finished her thesis last week!) There are no words that could fully express my gratitude for how much she has taken on as I’ve become further and further along in this pregnancy. And she does it with such grace and never once has made me feel guilty for sitting with my feet up each and every night. I just want the internet to know how amazing she is and how well she takes care of me and our little Moonbeam.

We got clobbered with snow yesterday. It was so fun because we didn’t have to drive and we were home enjoying the day. It was beautiful. I wanted to go out and take pictures, but didn’t because the pathways have been so slippery lately and I didn’t want to fall (as I did earlier in the week).

But…this morning was a whole new day and I figured since many of the paths were cleared it would be fine to head out. I woke early and went outside to clean off our cars and to move them so our parking spaces would be plowed. I was so excited to get out that I grabbed the shovel and camera and realized just as I shut the door that I had locked my keys inside…oops! A was still asleep and I didn’t want to wake her, so I opted to shovel out the cars and take a few pictures before knocking on the door in hopes that she’d woken.

We had gotten about a foot of snow! I shoveled little tire paths so I could pull the Mazda out and used the shovel to remove the snow from the cars (snow scraper in the car, keys in the house…). Then I wandered around and shot a few pictures. No where near as many, nor in the places I wanted to be, due to the snow and my limited mobility, but I got some, and I enjoyed the crispness of the morning after a beautiful snowfall.

I made my way back to the house and knocked on the door, hoping that A would be awake to let me in. She was, and she was not impressed that I was out in the snow. But she knows me well enough to know I needed to do this. After collecting my keys I went back out to move the cars. The Mazda moved surprisingly well through the little paths I made. The Subaru stole the show though. No paths, just put it in reverse and pushed on the gas, and it sailed right out! This is the time of year I love our Subaru and I am so glad we’ll have it, should we need to get to the hospital in a snow storm! A tried to take pictures as “evidence” of me, eight months pregnant shoveling the cars out, against her wishes. But the batteries died…hehehe. Here are some pictures I got:

In other words, we’re almost there!

We had a wonderful winter storm today. The college closed early so A and I got to go home and cuddle up. I took a long nap with my cat while A read. We drank hot chocolate and watched the snow fall. It’s beautiful! Tonight A washed ALL our baby clothes, bedding, and blankets! It’s like we’re really gonna bring a baby home in a matter of weeks! Wow. Here’s my 34 weeks belly shot and also a picture of the washed and put away 0-6 months clothes. Everything else is washed and put away in another closet.

We’re having a snow day here! And Flipper was born this morning! Welcome to the World little one!

It’s not new information that everyone thinks it’s okay to comment on pregnant women’s bodies, moods, eating habits, etc. And for the most part it does not bother me. I really don’t even care when people rub my belly, but everyone that’s done it has asked, I think I’d be pissed if they didn’t.

Lately I’ve been getting the “you’re not that big” comments. You know what? I am okay with how big/small I am. I am big enough to be uncomfortable and I really don’t care to become huge, it’s hard enough to be as big as I am.

My co-workers are shocked that I am as happy go-lucky as I am. I believe what they said today was “you are a freak, pregnant women are supposed to be bitchy. What’s wrong with you?” We’ll I am one of the lucky ones, maybe? I’ve had maybe two or three incidents where I was either hormonal and cried, or so uncomfortable that I cried. But for the most part my emotions have remained in tact. Perhaps I am a freak, but do they really want me to be bitchy?

I’ll be happy to get my body back, and I will be happy when people stop thinking my body is open for public commentary.

A left our bed for the guest bed a bit ago primarily because:

• I have pregnancy induced snoring
• My pillow fortress and my body left her little room
• ETA: I change positions a lot through out the night, causing lots of commotion

I know some people would get upset at this, but let’s be real here, at this point our bed is for sleeping. And the more room I have to adorn myself with pillows the better so I don’t take offense. We do get into our bed each night and chat and A feels the baby and then when we’re ready for sleep she leaves for the guest bed. It’s worked out just fine.

I do look forward to the day when we share a bed again, but I hope my hormones regulate quickly thus getting my body temperature back to somewhat normal. I currently sleep with no covers and sometimes take various articles of clothing off because I get so hot (and still have the a/c in the window…) and she sleeps all bundled up, flannel sheets, down comforter, and a fleece blanket! How will we ever manage these different needs? Formerly prego ladies, please tell me there is hope for regulating my body temperature!

I got up early today, after a long night of non-sleep. After more than an hour of being awake and aimlessly wondering the internet I realized I forgot to make coffee. I am frightened about what sleep deprivation will be like with a baby if I am this forgetful now.

In a little more than a week, we’ll be on winter break. A delightful eleven day break! I can’t wait.

This break could not be better timed. I haven’t posted much about work lately but it’s been rough. We’ve been short staffed in my department and in my office which means I’ve had to pick up a lot of extra work, sit on a hiring committee, and chair another hiring committee (and I think we’ve found a temp to cover my maternity leave!!!). All the while, we’re preparing to shut down for winter break which entails massive efforts to get the students out of here! They are supposed to leave by this Thursday but many get extensions to stay late because many take classes at other local colleges whose exams run later than ours. I am so worn down and don’t have the time to fight them, that I’ve granted many exceptions to stay late that would ordinarily be denied. What ev.

Many of them will leave this Thursday and then my work load will shift a bit. I won’t be in meetings nor juggling student concerns. But the work does not let up and is such that I will be on my feet most of each day while we shut down the residences. (I hurt just thinking about this!) I am not really sure how that’s going to work. But I’ve been clear with co-workers that I am a bit limited in how much I can help and that climbing stairs all day for five days isn’t happening.

At the end of all this…eleven days off! Eleven days with my wife. Eleven days to lounge around, take naps, hang out with family, play with our nephews, visit with friends, and make the final push to get the last minute baby things we need, wash baby clothes, and finish our to do list.

Winter break, how I love thee!

I have been on Fertility Friend for a r e a l l y long time. First to obsess chart my cycles, twenty so or cycles worth. And later I started participating in the discussion boards, some of which have been informative and other make me want to pull my hair out (that’s a whole other post that I probably will never waste my time on). It’s pretty clear that most of the women on there are ttc, thus the draw to pay to electronically chart your cycles.

So I am always befuttled when someone posts that they got their BFP and it’s such a surprise!

I think my belly button has always been more sensitive than the average person’s. For a while I thought all belly buttons were sensitive. But I realized, after years of telling A not to touch any where near it, and her not understanding why, that this is not a normal thing. And that I have belly button issues. I don’t know why but it’s sensitive and just the mere thought of someone touching it freaks me out. So you can imagine I’ve been a little concerned about pregnancy and the potential that my belly button will pop out.

My belly is growing…it seems to grow overnight sometimes. I am at a point where the growth from day to day and week to week is noticeable - mostly in how my clothes (don’t) fit. Now, as my belly button has stretched to accommodate the growing, it too clearly shows how much my belly is growing. A used to ask, I wonder if your belly button will pop out? And I’d reply that I hoped not. Now she just looks at it, and we don’t talk about it. It’s going to pop.

There is no rational reason for why this is one of my greatest pregnancy fears. And I have no idea where my belly button sensitivity comes from. Maybe others do feel the same way?

Pretty much since the day I told my Dad I was pregnant, he has asked me ‘how are you feeling’ in every conversation that has followed.

Today he asked, and I answered per usual, feeling well, a little uncomfortable at times, but all is well.

Then he asked if I was big. I replied, I have a belly, but I am not huge.

His reply? Oh, you are having a girl.

I said you think so?

And he responds, yes, if your not too big then it’s definitely a girl.

He has made his wishes for a girl know pretty much from day one…we’ll see.

For months I’ve been stalking one of my favorite musician’s webpage hoping I’d get to see her one last time before I have the baby. She’s local so we often have our pick of dates to see her. But she’s been on a West coast and European tour pretty much since I got pregnant. It’s been about six weeks since I last looked to see if she was playing before mid January, and I guess I gave up at about that time.

A did not give up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to her, “I just want to see Chri.s Pure.ka one last time before the baby.” (And I don’t mean to imply that we’ll never go see live music after the baby, but I am sure it will take a little while and then we are moving out of the land of live folk music, so it’s just going to be harder.) A kept looking and eventually found that she had an upcoming show at our local music hall. She bought tickets and told me we were going out on Dec. 4th and that I was not to look around to try to find out what we were doing.

I love surprises so there was no way I would even think of snooping around the internet, as easy as it would have been to figure out what we were doing. Now, I had some clue that we may be going to hear live music because she had to tell me that I would need to get a co-worker to cover my on-call from 5-10pm, which fits into the time frame of when we go see shows at the Iron Horse, and while I hoped we were going to see Chris, I didn’t think it was a possibility since she has not played on the East coast in so long. I figured it was some other musician we really like and she wanted to have a nice night out with me.

I was so excited when I got home from work this afternoon and I finally let her tell me what we were doing (she started asking if she could tell me yesterday…but as I already stated, I love surprises and wanted to wait till the last minute to find out). I got my pre-birth wish. She was taking me to see Chris. She played all my favorite songs, seriously, I think it’s the best set she’s done, and we’ve seen her a lot! It was a perfect night. Moon’s been listening to her for a while now, and enjoyed the show too. Isn’t A the best?

Several weeks ago A sent me an email asking if I had to work or was on-call for the night of December 4th? I replied I was on-call and she she asked me to get a co-worker to cover me from 5-10pm, because we were going on a date (yes, things are that crazy that we set up dates over email, even though we live together!). That is all she would tell me. Since then “date night” has been written on our calender and I have no idea what we are doing tonight, though I imagine it may be our last date pre Moon! Yikes! I can’t wait till 5pm!

p.s. I slept from 10:30pm-6am last night - didn’t get up once (that may be a miracle for a pregnant woman). I feel like a new person! This seems to be the pattern. Two bad nights of sleep make me exhausted enough to get one good. Hey, at least I won’t fall asleep on our date tonight!

With being pregnant. I know I am lucky that it’s been complication free, and all that stuff… And most days, I can deal with the minor aches and pains and annoyances of being pregnant. And sometimes feeling the baby move, makes up for the times when I feel awful. But right now I just want this baby out.

I pushed myself too much on Sunday. I lifted a couple of heavy things, and I shouldn’t have and now I hurt. Not owning my body is so frustrating. I want to be able to do the things I used to do. Simple things, like taking the air conditioner out of the window and flipping the mattress on our bed (so I helped A move the AC into storage from the living room floor -where we left it last weekend, and helped her flip the mattress…).

I couldn’t get comfortable Sunday evening so I eventually just went upstairs and laid in bed. Times like that it’s hard not to cry. If only to let go of the frustration. Because really crying doesn’t do much else. But I feel so overwhelmingly frustrated that I can not keep my old pace and that I can’t even get comfortable when sitting. Laying down triggered Moon to start with the nightly acrobatics. Once Moon settled down, I fell into a good sleep. But I woke at 11:45 (damn on-call crap). After taking the phone call I was back in bed by 12am, and tossed and turned for two hours before getting up…and now Moon is back at the acrobatics, and I am exhausted, but can not fall to sleep to save my life. I have to get up in fve hours, and I am praying for a snow day so I can sleep in! Why is my body doing this to me?

How much $hit can we get rid of?! Seriously, I wish A and I had started a tally of the number of bags of trash/donations we’ve taken out since we started the sorting/packing/throwing project! The more we do it, the easier it is to part with objects!

We just spent another two hours wading through the craft room (which has tuned into the dump everything room), and aside from the books in there, I think we have finally finished with that room!!! Including today’s work, I’d guess we’ve taken out at least twenty bags full of stuff, probably more!

We’re entering round two of posting items for sale on Craigs.list. It feels so good to purge! Last Sunday’s project of organizing the files turned into an eight hour task that went well into the week! I think I have finally learned what types of things to keep - and I know now that I don’t need to keep things like the instructions to our electric mixer. At the end of the project, I was so tired of sorting that I signed up for paperless credit card statements! Less to file! Less to shred, I want less clutter in my life!

We’re making progress…we have more to do. I think the kitchen and under the bathroom sinks will be next weekend. With any luck we’ll have this place cleaned out before Moon arrives!

Nephew #1 just called. Here’s how the conversation went:

N: Hi auntie.

Me: Hi.

N: You want to come play at my house today?

Me: I do want to but I can’t.

N: You can’t?

Me: No.

N: How come? Don’t you want to come play?

Me: I do want to but I can’t. I have to work today (this is the only line he understands for why you wouldn’t be able to do something with him).

We chat about what he’s been doing: playgroup, visiting santa, sleep overs at Grammy and Grampy’s.

Me: Well it was nice to talk to you. See you at Christmas. I love you.

N: I love you. I love you. I love you…

He is so freaking cute. I can’t wait to be there all the time.

It happened a few weeks ago. As I grew more and more pregnant, and began to experience somewhat typical pregnancy discomfort side by side with the sheer excitement of the impending birth of our child, I realized, for the first time in this whole ttc/pregnant process, that I felt like a normal, average, typical, pregnant woman. And what an amazing feeling that was.

The ttc process was alienating at times; buying sperm was annoying, having to involve outside people was an invasion, knowing so much about my cycles and timing was crazy making. But now, after having a complication free pregnancy, I am feeling what it must be like for most women who go through this process. I don’t think of my body as fragile, I’m not on guard all the time. In fact, my body has gone so far as to prove to me that it can do this pregnancy thing. And it can do it quite well.

The stress of ttc is such a distant memory.  The routines I had, temping, poas, etc., faded quickly, and somewhere along the way, A and I became a typical, average, boring, expecting couple. And I am okay with that!