Where I Want to Be

Right now I would give almost anything to be soaking in a luxurious bubble bath, in a jacuzzi style tube, sipping a bottle glass of wine, snacking on finger foods by candle light and music. This tub would be far far away from my home and work, and the worries I am carrying would not exist.

Instead, I am home after a long day, and for the first time this pregnancy had to take my tension headache medicine, my back hurts so much I can hardly walk, and I am a weepy emotional mess. I continue to feel like a failure in my job and fall more and more behind every single day. I will get through this. It’s just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Not the news we wanted

Thank you to everyone for your comments and emails of support. The latest update was that they are 95% sure he does not have the treatable strain. Per usual, more info to follow today when more tests come back. It’s getting worse and when my mother called to tell me she said all of this through her tears in about 10 seconds and then had to get off the phone because she can’t talk about it with out sobbing. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it hurts me when my mother is this upset. And I think the reality of the situation is just starting to sink in. It always takes me a while to process things…and I was holding out hope till it was just confirmed that indeed he is not going to get better. I am just so struck at how very fragile life is.

In other family affairs…go wish my cousin the best of luck and fertile vibes as she embarks on IUI #3 today. We need some good to balance the bad right now.