My scrambled brain

A. and I spend a half hour or so talking every night once we get into bed. Last night she reminded me our ultra sound is next week and don’t I want to know if we’re having a girl or a boy? I told her I still don’t want to know. Not now. When she asked why, I gave all the usual tired responses but one more came out. I am not ready for this baby to have an identity. I am not ready to think of it as a boy or girl, I feel like I am just getting to know it as baby. Only recently have I started to feel it move, and thus really start connecting with it. Knowing the sex somehow advances this getting to know process and I am not ready. I also feel like it would just take away from the whole experience. We knew both times that my SIL was having boys and there was an element of excitement missing for me. By the time they both came, I already felt this connection that was artificial based on knowing the sex in utero. A. saw my point and we went to bed shortly after.

I woke this morning remembering a weird dream. I was walking into my vets office, but the office was closed for medical service and I was there to pick out a kitten for someone. There were a bunch of kittens and they were in two different cribs. I was distracted by a mom cat…she had a tiger striped coat and her fur was blue – brilliant sky blue and gray. Her eyes matched the blue fur. As I began the process of selecting a kitten I could not do it. I spent so much time walking from crib to crib petting the kittens but I could not decide which one to take with me. The dream was interrupted when Moon sat on my bladder…so I never picked one.

Bloggers, what’s the connection here?