Being a grown up is hard sometimes.
Yesterday my very good friend who lives near by told me she may move out of town. Two plus hours out of town. The reasons are complicated and the decision is hard. This is not just any friend, this is my best friend. Someone I’ve known since I was in first grade. We made plans to have dinner last night to talk about it and weigh out the pros and cons, but she ended up sick from thinking about it and couldn’t come. Today we had lunch. Of course what I wanted to say was “No. You can’t go. You have to stay, I love having you here.” But I said none of that. I just asked questions. Tried to help her process the reasons to go and the reasons to stay. I am 99.9% sure she’ll go based on what she said today. But she’ll make a final decision by Monday of next week.
It’s so hard to put your own desires aside and objectively help a friend make a decision that makes you sad (only sad in that she’d be gone, not that she’d be doing anything wrong). I left lunch knowing it will likely be the last lunch break we’ll share. If she goes it will all happen within the next two to three weeks. I know two hours isn’t that far, but it feel like forever after living so close and I can’t help but think having this baby won’t help us travel.
Sigh.
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July 24, 2007 at 4:36 pm
erika
That does suck. But don’tdon’tdon’t let the baby get in the way of traveling! Seriously – make the baby a part of your life and keep on doing what you would have done. They’re fairly easy to bring along when they’re small (well, plus all their gear) – but once they’re older, just plan for the drive during their naps. It’ll be okay.
Sure, it’ll change how you visit – but to quote that annoying commercial that’s just oh-so-true: having a baby changes everything.
July 24, 2007 at 5:04 pm
e.
this is one thing we have VOWED to do…we know traveling with a baby will not always be easy, but we want to try our best to integrate baby into our lives and not become the type of parents who just stay home. and since our families live 3 and 5 hours away- this kiddo better get used to the car and fast!
July 24, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Lo
quite a few of my friends have moved away from my city over the years. It just never gets easier….
July 24, 2007 at 8:14 pm
theincredibletrueadventuresofmakingafamily
So sorry, I know how much she means to you and how you have loved having her close by. I hope that she is moving on to something good for her. It can make it a little easier to let go if you know that you are letting go for the other to go into something good for her.
July 25, 2007 at 8:35 am
Melody
Being an adult DOES suck sometimes. To deal with all of the ways in which adulthood sucks, my mantra as of late has been, “Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.” Change always brings with it unexpected blessings.
July 25, 2007 at 10:18 am
holly
It does suck. My “bestest” friend in the whole world (since 7th grade) lives 3 hours away, and we got spoiled by living together during grad school. We chat on the phone at least once a week, but she can’t be convinced, mostly due to career reasons, to move back up here. I want to be selfish and demand she move back, but I just keep thinking she’ll make it back up here in due time. Sigh. I miss her lots, but we’re managing.
July 25, 2007 at 11:33 am
Amanda
I would have to agree with you that being a grownup does suck sometimes. If your friend does decide it’s best for her to be away, then you can feel happy that you helped her make an informed decision despite wanting to keep her nearby. I’m getting ready to leave my friends and family behind for grad school. On the up side, I’ve found my childhood best friend who I haven’t seen in 10 years whose living in my new area.
PS Love the blog.
July 25, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Sara
I constantly try to convince my peeps to move here.
Our best friends are in SF and our family in MI – it is HARD!! I guess, though, that they understand why we need to live here (and try to convince us to move anyways!) and we understand why they live where they do. That doesn’t make it easy though.
July 26, 2007 at 2:35 pm
byrdlady
i’m so sorry about this… It is one of the most difficult things. Living in the same town my whole life has caused me to lose many a friend to bigger and better places. It never gets easier.